quiet time...

The house is still, almost too still.  It's the quiet time.  That time after the craziness we self-impose for the Christmas holiday, before the coming new year. It's peaceful, and edgy at the same time. This year has been different, we deliberately slowed everything.  We didn't force anything.  By family agreement gifts were small and intentional.  Useful, needed, worthy of the effort and time. Or they simply weren't bought at all. 

This morning, I'm the one awake.  The pups are snoozing within sight of mom, their usual place.  Hubs is upstairs napping, the sounds of sleep music is seeping up the stairs, although I'm sure he's long since fallen into a deep sleep and is oblivious to it. The "kids" (is that an appropriate term when they are past their mid-30's?) flew home yesterday, making the quiet even deeper. 

There have been many quiet mornings over this vacation time for them all.  By default, my usual chaotic need to be doing things has slowed also.  Well, that and the broken thumb I managed to give myself. So much stops when you do something stupid like that. 

As I was upstairs silently working on the ironing and tidying, I felt an overwhelming need to write.  Which is incredibly weird, due to the fact that the thoughts and feelings washing over me are calling for peace, for restraint, for silence.  

It feels like 2025 was a slap in the face to almost everyone I know.  I literally do not have a single person in my sphere that hasn't battled some type of challenge.  Multiple challenges.  Struggles, battles, fears, losses, anxiety - you name it, it's been full force. 

My personal ones have all revolved around health, my own, my pets, my immediate family, my extended family.  It's been a humdinger and my Dad used to say.  I started the year with the left side of my face paralyzed and drooping (mostly recovered - still a few minor tweaky things), my pup in doggy ICU.  Just as we were swinging out of that loop the cycle repeated itself.  Right side of face paralyzed, pup back in doggy ICU... ugghhh... I've had serious threats to my vision, a reaffirmation that the gift of Lyme never goes away and ending the year with a broken thumb, because... well... I'm me. 

Yet moving into 2026, it feels calm.  I am feeling the anxiety and stress fading, everywhere I turn there feels like a healing is happening.  Like maybe there is a reason everyone was slowed. That things needed an almost stand still. I don't know.  It's just a feeling that is washing over me in the quiet moments.  

It's like birthing pains, the good doesn't happen without the pain. Is that the journey we've been on?  I don't know, I just know that for the first time in a very long time I am feeling a state of more peace.  Not perfect, not immediate, but like you can actually see and feel it.  I don't have as much intense anxiety.  I am slowly not feeling myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am sensing a strong feeling of completion.  That is the only way I can describe it.  

It feels like we've been on a strange roller coaster and the end loop is behind us.  Now comes the part where you stand up and even though your legs are shaky and you might have left your stomach on the loop way back in August. With your head is still wobbly, you are trying to orient yourself, you are also able to make your way off the platform.  Still green, but breathing.  

These few weeks of quiet and stillness, have had my brain swirling around.  Looking at things differently.  Celebrating victories, praying over remaining challenges and creating a pathway forward. Feeling like I need to slough off some things.  Like I need to release others. There are plans that are solidifying, there are thoughts that are slowly becoming tangible.  Things are simply appearing.  Walls seem to be shifting, life seems to be mellowing. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, it feels okay to make plans, to think through things without that strong "what if" hanging over your head. Many things are still fuzzy outlines, waiting to burst forth into fruition, but they feel possible now.  They feel like they are simply waiting to be unwrapped instead of turned away from in dismay. 

The coffee is hot, how did we not know about the beauty of a french press? The first load of laundry is finishing.  There are plenty of things to do, yet none seem urgent.  This peaceful quiet time between Christmas and New Year feels life giving.  The candles softly burning, the silence, the peace.  I don't have a burning desire to fill it.  I simply want to dream and plan.  The hustle of life will come barreling back in all too soon.  The busyness and responsibilities are waiting, lingering just out of sight. 

Today is for dreaming.  I have some big ideas, but they are needing to be silent.... 

Much love, 

B