As I'm sitting here in the silence and early morning light, I am really thinking this through. I wonder how many of us know our actual worth, how many people accept behaviors, actions, jobs, ideals, etc that devalue us. And how to we resolve these feelings and emotions.
And then I went off on this crazy tangent of how many different ways do we allow that to be the case.
I know of people that I would say it is very obvious they do not know their self-worth. They are stuck in go nowhere careers being treated as less than human. They have friends or family that take advantage at every turn, that continually dip into their buckets without ever being the hose that fills them up. If you look around and observe, it seems to be a way of being for some.
I am not usually someone that will stand my ground where my own feelings are concerned, which is probably why this statement has me pondering its validity. I have often throughout my life allowed others to treat me disrespectfully for a variety of reasons. Maybe it was because I really thought/felt I needed the income a job provided. Or maybe I was afraid of losing a relationship that I thought was important. Or maybe it was that old standby, fear.
As I am aging, I find myself less willing to experience those kind of actions. Do I think I am finding my own self worth? I'm not sure. Maybe I always had it, but I lacked the skills to no longer allow it to impact me. I lean more to the side of balance in most things. I rarely have a definitive hard stance on things regarding how I experience this.
Can I respect that an employer might also be coming from a place of fear or desperation? Of course. Can I see the person dipping from another person's emotional bucket without seeing how dangerously low it's getting, doing so because their own emotional bucket is completely drained. Absolutely!
I am not so sure that the majority of people do things callously or with a conscious plan to be malicious. I think that the majority of us have our own personal breaking points and when those are reached or crossed we inadvertently cause harm to others. The intention is never to damage another's self worth. It isn't to minimize them as a human or to use them, their time, their talent, their treasure, etc. It's simply a reaction to our own personal emotional or physical lack that we get wrapped up in.
I firmly believe that when we find ourselves in that cycle, if it's for a moment in time or an extended period of time, maybe we need to step out of that space. Back up and take a breath. I am coming to realize that protecting your self-worth isn't so much about confrontations, it doesn't involve rash decisions, it doesn't need hurtful words or actions. It seems to be about space, about calmness, about compassion and appreciation of the other person or group.
I'm definitely not an expert, I tend to learn by trial and error. I am a giver by nature, the kind of person that often ends up looking like the doormat. I'm also a very strong willed person. I will do for you to distraction. I will forgive most things and not look back. Does this mean I have no self worth? I don't believe so. I feel like it means that I am a loving and generous person. I will occasionally allow other's to treat me in a manner that causes cuts to my heart and then step away to lick my wounds and process what happened. Most of the time, I realize the other person had too much going on to realize their actions caused pain, write it off as a lesson learned and move forward.
I have also been the person that caused those cuts to others because of issues in my own life that I hadn't dealt with. I will admit in the past I have been known to cut ties, walk away, put up walls, refuse to be part of what I perceived as a toxic environment, friendship, relationship etc. I will also admit to standing my ground so fervently that my reaction ultimately became the action of not valuing another's self worth. I don't do well with threats, rigidity, blind callousness or hatefulness for the sake of hatefulness and tend to get a bit feisty when that happens.
I do push back when I am disregarded and treated as if my feelings, time, energy or gifts are used yet not returned. I think most people do. I honestly wonder if we put too much attention on our own self worth and not enough on the worth of others around us.
I'm growing as a person. I can give you the space you need to process your emotions. I can remove myself from a situation that isn't working for me. I can see when an external force is threatening my inner peace. So I think that I do value my self worth, but in doing so I never want to devalue another. I feel like our world right now has so many people yelling and screaming with a need to only have their point of view, their feelings, their rights heard that they are becoming blind to any other needs, voices, feelings, or points of view.
If you need to dip into my emotional bucket, because yours is running dry, please do! Do so with kindness and from a place of love so that my bucket doesn't run dry also, I am here for you. If you need my energy, I am more than willing to share, even when it is running low I know how to refill that precious commodity. And if you need my physical help, know that I will be there and give you whatever I can. In return, I simply ask for the same things.
We are all a million fractals of feelings, thoughts, emotions, and actions. Firing off at different times to different things. And to me it seems like the beauty and the perfection lies in knowing and valuing each other, while still being able to step back when needed. While having the courage to course correct if needed without fear of reprisal.
So many thoughts are whirling through my mind today. So much to do in the silence that today is bringing. Plans change, life happens, people react, it's a cycle. I'm far more interested in how we continue to dance together than how we show up solo...
love and peace...
Good one & so true. Sorry.
ReplyDelete-The Schmuck
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