forward motion...

Time.  I can't exactly explain where my head is with time lately.  It's so fluid for me, such an unstable feeling.  But not in a bad way.  I used to feel like time stood still for simply the longest stretches.  That things were frozen so to speak.  I live in a very different dynamic now, and I am not sure I understand it. And observing it around others is even more discombobulating. 

I "overslept" this morning.  And I use that term so lightly.  I don't have a set time that I wake or sleep, but I am usually awake long before the sun crosses the horizon.  I must have been exhausted, because light was streaming in around the blinds this morning as I opened my eyes.  

Now I am struggling to get my act together.  I have a pretty long list of things I need to do over the next two days.  Yet, I am definitely not in a motivated groove.  I'd rather sit in my chair, create and watch the sun shimmering through the beautiful clouds we've been having.  I simply don't have the energy or desire to actually focus on stuff that isn't in that bubble.  

I'm concentrating on sending my sister and her family as much energy, love and prayers that I can.  Very soon little Legend will be a full 24 hours old, his momma is trying to get her strength back so that she can be by his side and sweet gramma is doing her darnedest to hold the world together.  They both have strong men in their corners holding their hands and traveling the journey beside them.  But I can't speak for Dad's, only Mom's and this is one hell of a burden on their hearts.  A mom's DNA is simply wired to protect and love their babies, any threat to that brings on a massive primal response.  I have offered to travel down and do whatever I can to support, but truthfully in this massive waiting game there is little I can do to help at this point. 

I guess I am feeling a bit of their helplessness.  I don't know about you, but surrendering control is not something I am fond of doing.  Pretty sure it is one of the skills I am being forced to learn in this lifetime.  My fix it gene is on full alert, while also being aware that it will simply sit there. 

Instead I am channeling those feelings and restlessness into productivity.  Just because I am not doing my chores, doesn't mean I haven't been crazy productive.  I completed three projects yesterday and about three quarters of a fourth.  And I semi cared for the house and my chores.  I mean very semi, but still.  The projects I am working on are for a variety of things.  One was even commissioned.

And yet, time is just there.  Not standing still, yet not racing forward in a noticeable way.  It's just moving around me like a river flowing past a stone.  I know it's moving, I see the sun's journey, I hear Hubs asking about meals.  I know I should go to bed, but find myself wrapped up in what I am doing.  I am not used to this unstructured way of life.  

I sometimes find myself fighting the flow. As I have been sitting here writing, I have felt a calmness seeping in.  An actual desire to get up and do the things. It doesn't matter that I had some imaginary timeline in my head that is now messed up because I overslept. Sitting in the sun, sorting through my thoughts and enjoying my coffee I am wrapping my head around the fact that time tables are human constructs designed by humans for control.  

I'm guilty of it for myself.  Designing a control system and being disappointed when I don't stick to it.  Oddly I just said to my sister this morning that the hard thing was they were going to have to learn to live with uncertainty.  Without realizing the same thing applies to all of us. 

I'm a work in progress, aren't we all?  I think my new goal is going to be mastering the art of dancing in uncertainty and being perfectly okay with it. I started to put deadlines and perimeters around that goal, a start and a stop, until my brain noted that was the complete opposite of the goal. 

Let go, relax, love and peace....

waiting, praying, loving...

The sun is awfully bright this morning, almost blinding as it shines down on my little seat in the bay window.  And yet, I can't bring myself to pull the blinds.  I think I am simply going to let it pour its beauty and energy down on me. 

Our entire family is working on expert level in "chopping wood and carrying water" today.  It's my great nephews birth day, I wish I could send his parents, grandparents and siblings a giant dose of strength.  I was up at about 3 am today, I knew that sleep wouldn't return, I knew I needed to be awake.  My family needs all the love, energy, prayer and anything else for the journey before them. The reason I know they are all doing the same thing... we were all messaging back and forth in the wee hours. 

I can't imagine the strain on his parents and grandparents right now.  I mean I can imagine it, but I am sure even my harshest vision is nothing compared to what they are living.  They are strong.  Holy CRAP are they strong!!  Yet, they are just now starting a waiting game that makes pregnancy seem like nothing, a blink in time. 

I sat very still this morning, I worked on the Christmas gifts for Legend's family.  It allowed me to focus all of my energy and intentions on them, on him. Its where my heart needed to rest today.  As I am waiting to hear further news, which will not be mine to share I am going to continue to focus on them.  I am going to continue to monitor my phone, pour out love and healing prayers and lift them up.  

A few hours ago, I turned ever so slightly and saw the most beautiful sunrise.  Filled with a mixture of fire and calm I felt tears in my eyes.  I am not good at the waiting thing.  I want to be able to fix things, I am a doer. 

I've watched my sister from three hundred miles away, step up, take control of an out of control situation and lead her family through this blessing.  And it is a blessing.  Every child is and Legend even more so.  She has pulled out that stiff upper lip of the British that we have an over abundance of in our family tree, she has envisioned realities and miracles.  I've watched a strength that is unimaginable.  I have only been able to listen and pray.  I hope she knows how very proud I am of her, of her strength under fire while still smiling, laughing and never faltering.  I can't say I would be that strong.  

My heart is with his parents, but right now, it is with my sister most.  As a mom and grandma, I know that she has a double burden.  Because that mama is her baby.  I know the pain of watching my children suffer through things that seem surreal.  I know the feelings of helplessness.  The fact that due to the stupid state of affairs right now she can't even be with her baby.... I have no words. 

Today, I am asking for prayers, for divine guidance and intervention.  For a strength and courage that few mortals can bear and give.  Please take a moment to send prayers, healing energy, positive thoughts and mostly strength.  

love and peace...

coloring outside the lines...

It is definitely a lazy start to the day.  I am so thankful for the ability to enjoy these kind of moments. Sitting here watching the sun slowly peak above the horizon only slightly muted by the fluffy clouds passing by.  I have been awake for over an hour, I have spent all of it curled in my comfy chair, sipping my coffee and enjoying time simply talking with the Hubs in front of the beautiful fire that greeted me when I came downstairs.  My brain and my hands have been still, no projects happening, no planning going on.  It's perfect. 

I'm slowly waking up to the day, slowly taking inventory or what is going on in my world and deciding what I truly want to do. Yesterday, I was deeply involved in my knitting.  It was simply flowing, I couldn't believe the progress I was making and while I was knitting I was listening to a variety of podcasts, just like I do all the time.  

One of them really resonated with me.  The guest on the podcast was talking about the changes he has experienced in his life since he decided to own his own box of colors and color his life the way he wants it to be.  Basically, he was describing the power of making your own choices and your own decisions.  Not following the color-by-number that society would like all of us to follow.  By choosing the uncomfortable, the different. 

Listening to him, I felt such a strong connection to his words and thoughts.  It was like he was literally speaking my thoughts to life. I've never been great at following that color-by-number chart for life, and I believe it has often led me to feel like less than, like I simply didn't fit anywhere.  For my entire life I have been that outsider, the person on the fringe.  For a really long time it made me super insecure and truthfully I felt a bit lost.  I always felt like I was doing something wrong because I simply couldn't put the yellow in the yellow box when it didn't match my feelings. 

Over the years I have slowly become far more confident in choosing my own colors.  In picking that vibrant red instead of the muted rose.  I am okay with who I am.  I know that I don't fit societies mold, I refuse to march to the standardized drummer and try to fit in.  I am very much aware that I do not fit into group think and a herd mentality is not something I can flow with. 

I am definitely blossoming into that artist that isn't afraid to be myself. I'm not going to be mad at you if you and I don't see the world in the same color scheme.  I am going to encourage you to keep picking up the colors that fulfill your soul. I will encourage you to put aside the standard issue box of colors and find one that is far more suited to who you are.  

Are you a blue fan?  Or does your soul reach for Azure?  Plain green or is a vibrant lime or rich juniper more your speed.  Have you really thought about your personal color palette and not in terms of clothing or home decor?  Have you ever really dug deep into who you are in your very soul? I tend to gravitate to brilliant and rich colors when I think about mine.  The colors that fill me with joy and energy.  The richness of a deep velvety brown just gives me so much comfort. 

No this isn't a lesson in colors, nor is it a lesson in home decoration or defining your "season" (remember when that was all the rage?  Never did figure mine out), it is a conversation about you as a person.  I believe the color analogy spoke to me so deeply because I am a very creative person. But it could be truly about anything that makes you think.  He could have been talking about spices, fishing lures, types of wood... hmmm guess I am still on things that would resonate with me. 

For me the point was that when I was finally able to feel comfortable in not fitting in to the mold, is when I was finally able to truly start expressing myself.  When I started to feel at peace with my life.  I definitely do not believe that we were ever meant to think, feel, do or speak the same, what a boring world.  I do believe that we are meant to have grace and love for each persons individuality.  To give the differences consideration and to figure out how it will blend into our own thoughts and ideals.  And when it doesn't, when there is a solid line that it doesn't flow and blend into accept that together we make a beautiful batik without having to destroy either color.  Both ideals and thoughts can exist together, they can create a beautiful flow until someone decides that the other person is 100% wrong because they don't want to be absorbed into the darkness of same. 

There was a time that I completely bought into trying to force myself to be part of the collective.  To fit into a mold, even if it hurt.  Even if it caused me anxiety, angst and even anger.  I was determined to be what everyone else seemed to want. 

Stepping back and watching, observing, being allowed (thank you Hubs) to be my own quirky, odd, unusual self. I have discovered I can't do that.  I am unique.  All of us are.  I don't want to convert anyone into being me, I want to celebrate you for being you, I want you to do the same for me. 

When I observe things that are written, said, acted out with the intention to use peer pressure and flat our meanness to change someone it hurts my heart.  There is a lot of that going on right now.  I firmly believe the people that are pushing the hardest for group think are the ones that are still afraid to grab their own crayons and color their own lives in the way that fills them to the brink of joy.  

When you are busy coloring away, creating your own masterpiece you simply lose the desire to tell another person where their lines are and if they are staying within them.  You simply don't have the energy or time to waste on it. 

I have stepped out of that matrix.  I am coloring with my own box of colors.  Sometimes it will be messy and scribbling, in many ways I am still that child learning to control the crayon. In others it will be pristine and flowing filled with a beautiful blending of rich and vibrant oil colors because I have mastered the technique. At times I may chose to use a thick, broad sweeping black sharpie because those I lines I've learned no longer serve me and I don't chose to cross them again.  The watercolors may represent the haziness of future dreams, yet to materialize. 

I don't intend to ever own the standard crayon set again.  It doesn't mean I am walking away from loved ones and those around me that are still using that basic set.  That I don't value their choices. It simply means that I am so thankful to have found my personalized set of colors, to know that it is perfectly perfect to own and use them.  I understand that some may walk away from me because I refuse to cross back over into the basic set, that I cannot go back to group think and a standard structure.  Knowing I will always be that wonky old lady dressed all in blacks, grays or blues that wears silly, vibrant, fun shoes. Sometimes you have to look for that touch of self-expression to see us...

Let's create a beautiful tapestry together.  Let's have our colors meet, blend, collide and explode into pure perfection.  

love and peace... 

the details...

Well, did everyone survive "black Friday"?  I know I sure did, as I basically did not participate.  I will admit to going to 5 stores total after 11 am.  I actually purchased something in two, and they were not black Friday purchases.  Well, one might count as a bf purchase, as I will use it to make a gift for the dragon.  The other was can you believe I have forgotten to pick those up for two weeks...  I no longer have a car, so I take full advantage of Hubs being home to get my errands run. 

The only observation I have regarding black Friday, I think everyone is starting to catch on.  I literally only waited in line for maybe 5 minutes at each place where I purchased something. And other than JoAnns, the stores were well stocked and empty of people.  JoAnns seems to have other serious issues going on as it hasn't been well stocked or staffed for literally months.  Parking lots were empty, the roads were not congested at all. It was strange.  

I did learn that when purchasing red yarn, finally deciding on the color on Thanksgiving is very poor timing.  But... I also found a beautiful one in ample supply at Michaels. Dragon shall have a Christmas sweater. 

Other than that, we simply opted out of participating.  I don't believe I will be participating in Small Business Saturday either.  I don't have any needs, I am almost at 100% where my holiday shopping is concerned and I don't feel like consuming simply to consume. If I do need anything later, they will be my first stop. 

Hubs had to get by the cigar store, as they were purchasing several of his clocks.  He was going to commission them, but they opted to outright purchase them.  Good stuff. And he had to deliver one that was a custom that was ordered. He was a busy guy yesterday!  He made one that we are trying to decide where to sell.  It is a Harley Davidson one and it's awesome! It even holds a fifth of Jack.  That one is special as it is a collectors edition box. If we include the Jack he can't sell it on most of the sites, so we are still looking into it. 

I also spent yesterday in awe.  Was it really just two years ago that I dealt my knee the final blow when I decided to do the Turkey Trot with my sister?  Could it only be that short of amount of time?  As I was digging through the closet looking for something that fit, socks on a rooster is my current style and looks a bit sloppy, I uncovered the shirt that was my treasure to mark that walk.  I had been hurting so much at the time that I stuck it in the back of the closet and forgot about it.  Mostly out of sadness, they had been out of all of the "bigger sizes" so I'd had to settle for a large, I hadn't worn a large is dang near 17 years, I figured I would simply keep it for the memories.  My sassy self decided to try it on yesterday.  It fit!!  It wasn't loose like I usually wear my clothes, but dang it, it fit! 

When thinking about it, yeah I dealt the death blow, pretty sure that was the moment everything disconnected.  I should have gone to an emergency room that day, but well, I didn't. I soaked it until I could walk and made it through. Reality was it was going to fail at some point anyhow, it had long been a mess. Now two thanksgivings later, I have a new knee that works amazing and doesn't cause me non-stop pain and I am building back up to being able to do another 10K (I mean it might be next Thanksgiving, but I am doing it!).  And now... I can wear the shirt too!  I would say win, win, win.  It was definitely a bonus round for me. 

In a few hours I will put our turkey on to cook.  And prep a few sides up to savor with it.  The bread is finally dried enough to make my stuffing.  Yes, I am a bit late in cooking dinner, only two days... geez, but we decided that we wanted to have a dinner at home also. I might even decide to decorate today, although it is far more likely that we will go take a hike at a nearby park as it is supposed to hit a balmy 61 today.  It's going to be cold tomorrow, decorating might wait. 

The beautiful pup from yesterday will not be joining our family.  The whole situation became rather bizarre yesterday.  We did finally meet up with her, and she is beautiful, sort of.  In appearance she is a poster child for a beautiful pittie.  But... and it was a big but and deal breaker for me, she was crazy aggressive towards us, not her family or the kids, but to us.  Even twenty minutes in she was snarling, snapping and trying to attack.

Hubs and I had taken my mini-me with us to meet her, they were smart enough to keep serious distance from her. My dumb butt decided I was going to try to be friendly.  She did let me pet her for a few moments, but then she snapped at me and bit my thumb - intense pain was not a good start. The fact that they had her leashed and kept pulling her back and blocking her from us was another key indicator that she was less than friendly. I also don't do barkers, as much as I love dogs and can forgive them almost anything, that is one thing that will drive me absolutely insane! And boy oh boy is she a barker! 

I tried super hard, I really wanted it to work and for it to be a success.  Unfortunately, it was a giant NO.  There was also some slightly shady stuff with the owner, I feel you should have at least a semi-solid grasp of when you got your dog and she could only tell me awhile, not even months, weeks, years.  She also acknowledged that she had kennel cough when they got her, but that it had been treated.  Everything about it was off, the vibe was negative and sweet pup, is only sweet in the pictures.  I know that she would have been too much for me to handle.  And I have never thought that where a pup is concerned. 

What I did learn is that I believe my heart has healed.  I believe that I am ready to welcome a goofy, cuddly, loving pup into the family. And that it probably will not be the 5 or 10 years that I had originally thought it would be. Envisioning a cuddle buddy to go fishing and camping with, a partner for my walks and hikes, a fur baby to sit by the fire with and enjoy the quiet moments... well all of that feels super appealing.  I will always be a dog person, they fill me with such joy.  I like their goofiness, I am not a fan of a cat's aloofness.  I like cats, they are sweet and all, but they always seem to act like you are simply there to serve them.  Not my thing.  I prefer a dog that wants to be your best friend for their entire life. 

So, when it's right, it will be right.  This simply wasn't the right time.  And honestly, it's not really a good time as we have several trips planned to see family through the month of December.  

Speaking of December the holiday season is right around the corner and this busy lady needs to get cracking!  So many things to get done.  I am going to start wrapping today, so I know exactly what I have left to finish.  I've been a bit bouncy... time to focus.  I also need to start writing out recipe cards and Christmas cards... hurry, hurry, hurry... 

love and peace everyone!

lazy days...

Okay, confession time who ate far too much yesterday?  I honestly did not.  I made our yummy additions and had a bit of each, probably more of that amazing cranberry sauce than I needed, but after working all morning on preparing it, I simply didn't want to eat it.  The two glasses of Rolling River Red, well that is a different story.  

As you can guess I am definitely not up and rushing out the door to Black Friday sales either.  That is a big pass from this girl. 

Nope, I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and loving my toasty fire.  I have spent far too much time looking at patterns for presents, like I simply don't have enough projects going on already, yet daydreaming is ruling the morning.  Eventually, I will get showered and dressed and start the day, but for right now I don't wanna!

Yesterday was such an incredible day.  I love cooking so puttering in the kitchen is always a win for me.  Turkey dinner at the eldest's house was wonderful!  We got to enjoy both of our girls and a fairly good number of the grands.  My mini me looked adorable in her black and white stocking cap.  Without any planning the eldest and I were matching and my girl and Hubs both sported the same exact color blue.  We must definitely be in sync with one another.  And top it all off with pictures and chats with the boy and his girl!  Life is definitely good!

For the most part we will be avoiding stores today, I do want to run to the yarn store, I need one more yarn to complete the Christmas projects.  The dragon has requested a sweater.  I have to admit I was a bit surprised, but she was pretty darn insistent.  So Gramma needs to forgo a bit of sleep and make that magic happen. I've gotten mom approval on the color and pattern.  I've got this.  Sleep is for the weak! 

Hubs has a few clocks to finish and deliver, so I know he will be busy as well.  I love seeing him engaged in creating.  I'm still waiting for him to decide he's ready to do some wood working, I found the greatest pattern for Featherweight tables that I want us to make.  I feel it will wait until he retires, he doesn't have much time right now. 

I thought about putting up the tree and decorations today, but honestly, not so sure it will happen.  Maybe tomorrow.  Hubs and I have plans around lunchtime, we are going to meet a girl.  She is so beautiful, with the sweetest eyes, so we will see if she likes us... fingers crossed.  

If all goes well, I will share all of the details tomorrow.  Let's just say she needs somewhere to be loved and well... we have room in our home and hearts. Two of the kids blessed it, one was repulsed (so a perfect score!) you simply can't make a cat lover into a dog lover, no judgement. 

Honestly, I am super excited and can't wait to meet her, so I am basically just trying to distract myself and do busy work all morning.  Killing time.  

If you wouldn't mind, send some great vibes and a few prayers that she likes us, that would be incredible, I do believe it's time... 

love and peace

thankful for my blessings...

The warm scent of cinnamon and ginger are filling the house, I have all three pumpkin pies baking right now.  My day didn't go as planned yesterday, when do they ever?  But it's okay, because what I did instead was what needed to happen.  

There is time enough this morning.  We aren't going to be at the eldest's until around 2 pm.  As long as everything is done by 1 pm, all is good.  I am going to make a grain-free bread and side for us, the Kentucky Derby Pie will be grain and sugar free, the cranberry sauce will be sugar-free and I will make two different whipped creams (one for us and one for everyone else.  It's the little things ya know. 

I'm taking my break while the pies bake. Hubs built me a beautiful fire, haven't had one all week, so my toes are nice and toasty as I sit here listening to the wind chimes and look out at the dreariness of this beautiful day.  

Thanksgiving is so different than it used to be when I was a kid and when my kids were young.  The frantic cooking, helping my folks and then later coaxing my babies to help me.  Those are distant memories, tinged with a bit of sadness and a sense of loss.  So much water under the bridge, so many things are different. 

Dad has been gone for so long, but I feel his presence as I am working in the kitchen.  I hear different things he would say.  I can picture him telling me I'm weird for the fact that I like things he would never consider eating.  The times of over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go are long gone. Our kids and grandkids are scattered all over the place.  I'm not mad, I miss them, but I know they are living their lives. 

Oddly, I am thankful for these times.  I am thankful that while our babies will not all gather around the table with us, they are happy and healthy.  They are doing the things.  Having been raised military brats I definitely did not set the standard for holidays at home with the extended family.  In fact my children were grown and on their own before we did the first one.  I'm not altogether sure the boy has ever been to one. Often my daughter will make the statement that it is just a day and that any day can be picked to be a celebration.  

At first my traditional upbringing balked at that like a two year old throwing a full fledged tantrum.  Yet ever so slowly, it sunk in.  My heart started to wrap around the idea.  As it started sinking in deeper it started to align quite well with my stance on commercialism and the materialistic way things had turned. 

Now, it doesn't matter the day.  It matters the love. We will celebrate in separate parts of the country, but our love for one another will not waiver. The boy will be so far away, and I definitely couldn't make him a turkey, so I had smoked turkey (his favorite) delivered to his house.  Will he have a mom cooked meal, nope, will he feel loved and thought about, yep. 

We will gather with the girls, maybe not their complete families, the dragon is with her Dad and the boys... well we often have to wait and see what they will do. As Hubs always says, we will gather and break bread. Tomorrow I will make us a small Thanksgiving, so Hubs can have his leftovers. One must plan ahead for these things. 

I have to admit, that I was beyond happy to see all the signs saying businesses would be closed until Friday morning, I was more excited to see the ones that will not even open early tomorrow.  The shopping frenzy is definitely not my gig at all!  One time, ever, I participated (and I use that term very loosely) in Black Friday.  As soon as I saw the lines, I agreed with Hubs we went for breakfast and went home and enjoyed the day. There is absolutely nothing I need that will ever cause me to do that again. 

It makes me sad that business open on holidays, and before anyone loses their minds, I understand not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc... but if our federal government can close and banks can close, then why can't everything close that is non-essential?  If you don't celebrate and own your own business and want to be open, go for it.  But the large businesses that open because they don't want to upset anyone annoy me.  Everyone can use a day of rest, a day to be thankful for, a day to simply stay home. I get the need for gas stations, yet there are many that do not even have attendants any longer.  I understand emergency needs, but really people don't plan ahead any longer.  I grew up where stores were closed on holidays and weekends after 12 or 2 pm depending on the size of the towns... why can't we?  

Well that's a soap box for another day.  I am just super thankful to see the businesses that are putting their employees well being ahead of profits.  Oddly, the ones that make those rules that have the humble employee working are usually off for a nice long weekend when these holidays roll around. 

I will celebrate and be thankful for those that have time to spend with their families, those will be the businesses that I will support. People matter.  And we all need to unplug. 

It's time for me to get back to cooking and puttering around the house.  Wishing my loved ones a wonderful day and responding to text messages. I am absolutely blessed. 

treasure the moments...

Oh my goodness, my heart and bucket are filled to over-flowing right now! It was another early day, but for a far better reason than the ones before, at least in my world. I was blessed to spend time with one of my dear friends.  She always fills my heart with joy and it was wonderful!  We used to deliberately have lunch once a month without fail.  That changed with all of the chaos of shutdowns, etc... but we still get together whenever possible.  I haven't been blessed to see her since around May or June, not sure which... it's just been so long!!!

coffee while waiting on my friend...

When she reached out last week my heart soared, I have far more time than she does, which means I have been praying to see this wonderful woman for a minute. I was crazy excited to go and have breakfast, I am sure if Hubs hadn't needed the truck that I would still be sitting there, holding a space at the restaurant and enjoying the time with her over lingering cups of coffee.  Instead of drinking a cold cup here at home in my cozy chair. 

I don't often get to spend time with people that get me in my fullest measure of uniqueness, she not only gets it, understands it, but walks the path too.  I treasure time spent like that.  

I drove home lost in thought with my heart filled to the max, I needed that moment in time. Hanging out with members of my tribe fill my heart.

I didn't write yesterday, I was simply in a strange place, the world felt far to distant and I was wrapped up in my project and didn't feel like being a part of the world.  I was awake at 3:15 am to get Hubs ready for work and couldn't get back to sleep.  So I stayed awake and silent.  I was deeply engrossed in my project, it is coming along so wonderfully, and I couldn't bare to do anything not related to it. Trust me, the house looks like it too. 

I couldn't help but feel like the world was on fire yesterday, maybe not in a bad way, maybe in a cleansing way.  As I was walking to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup the sun was starting to rise.  The entire world shone a beautiful deep red orange.  It was breathtaking.  To the point that I found myself on the deck in my pj's in 28 degree weather attempting to capture it.  I should have known there was no way the beauty could be contained in pixels. It was just not meant to be preserved except in my mind and heart.  Today's sunrise was beautiful, but completely different.  The radiance and feeling were simply not there, it was calm and watercolor soft.  

I believe I needed yesterday to reset, to pause myself and take stock of everything.  Today has been a completely different day.  I was thoughtful and reflective yesterday, I was planning in my head as my needles slid in and out of my work.  I didn't have the energy to people at all.  I was lost in the mist of the day.  A lot of it was probably exhaustion from pacing with Hubs' schedule.  I am not someone that easily naps or goes back to sleep once awake.  I crashed by 7:30 last night, I am fairly certain I didn't fully wake until the alarm went off at 5:15 this morning. 

Today, I am ready to tackle the world.  I'm getting ready to make some pies for tomorrow and of course work on my project.  I already got to experience the joy of friendship, on top of the joy of feeling like an adult.  For the first time since July I drove somewhere, by myself.  Granted I had to take Hubs' truck, but as it is the only vehicle we have it couldn't be helped. I am still super comfortable with my decision to not replace my car. 

I guess I need to get busy.  I decided at the last minute that I needed to make a Keto stuffing for Hubs and I for tomorrow, so I need to get a batch of bread made that I can use.  And Hubs feels that another batch of the peanut butter fudge would be a great addition to any plans that I have, we'll see if that happens, he still has some left and the day is getting a bit long in the tooth. It was worth it.  Time with friends, Hubs and talking to both girls and the boy, I would say it's been a successful day...

love and peace...

life goals...

Yesterday it was the sounds of Romper Room playing through my weary brain, today it is Simon & Garfunkel - "The Sound of Silence", oh not the whole song mind you... just the line "hello darkness my old friend...". 

Sweet Hubs had to be to work by 5:30 am, needed to make sure the HVAC system that he has spent the weekend babysitting is holding it's own.  We'd stayed up a bit later than usual enjoying some quality family time and both of us were afraid it would be the one time in the past couple of years that he would still be asleep at 4 am, so two alarms went off within moments of each other.  Waking up is so hard to do when you stay up too late. 

So he's off doing his work thing and I am sitting here feeling weary.  But the brain is awake and there is plenty to fill my hours, although a nap.... Nope!  I just made my weekly to do list, and it is long and distinguished. I will admit to accomplishing absolutely nothing yesterday.  Wait, nope again.  I most definitely did accomplish a lot, I spent the entire day knitting and watching random video's on YouTube and visiting with family and friends.  Frankly between the family, friends and working on "the project" it was an incredible day!!

The week of Thanksgiving is traditionally short and super long all at the same time.  This year, I am working on a week that is filled with balance.  I will get my chores done, but I am going to also take things slow.  I am creating new habits and traditions. The things I have conditioned myself to believe are not necessarily things that served me.  The manic race to have the picture perfect everything has rapidly become less important. 

What has become super important is time with loved ones.  I have really not had that for a very long time.  It was self-imposed, I had a career that felt important, obligations that felt constricting.  On this side of the coin, I truly mourn for the time that I didn't give for the important things in life. 

It has been a painful lesson to learn.  I will never get back the time I didn't spend when the kids were little.  I will never have a chance to build stronger bonds with some of my family and friends.  I will never be able to unwind the clock and spend more time with my Dad before he passed. I can't change it.  And while I do mourn it, I also have learned from it. 

I don't think twice about dropping everything and spending time with my family and friends.  I happily make breakfast and lunch dates.  I plan my life around making time now. I think we get caught up in all the should's that we miss the musts. 

I am a recovering workaholic.  I am a recovering believer that you had to make money to be successful.  There needs to be a 12 step program for everyone still trapped in that old mindset.  We don't need things, we need love and it's doesn't cost anything. And the return on investment is spectacular.  Sitting around the outdoor heater at my girls house last night, enjoying conversations, watching the littlest one find a way to engage with the adults. Watching Hubs deep in conversation while enjoying his cigar, with no thought to the time, even though he had to leave early to start his day.  All of these things add up to huge dividends. 

Will they put food on the table or a roof over your head?  Maybe not directly, you can't write a check for the mortgage based on those incredible feelings.  Yet, as the value of everyday life increases, so does your passion for living.  It's all about perspective, some bank accounts can't be measured in the traditional way. 

The world is in such a state of flux right now.  It's insane.  I firmly want to believe it is because the mess in 2020 had to happen.  That the world needed to change.  Mine didn't seriously start to shift until this year, I still remember toasting 2021 in with Hubs, claiming for the universe that this would be the best year ever.  Oddly, despite all of the ups and downs, it truly has been. 

I guess my dear friends what I am trying to say, is treasure the important moments.  Make sure your cup is always at least half full.  I know we all have to pay our bills and do the adult things, but take time to cherish those around you.  Pause for that cup of coffee, giggle filled walk, or even a serious talk with a loved one.  Because you never know the difference that could make... and not just to them. 

love and peace...

questioning...

Awww... why does morning always have to come so soon. That is how I am feeling today.  I've had a couple of restless nights.  Thank you full moon. My eyes feel heavy and my body just doesn't feel like it's ready for prime time.  But my brain, well that is another thing altogether.  It's ready, willing and at full speed already. 

Hubs is watching a show, I think, I can hear it.  But when I called good morning down the stairs it was dark and there was no reply.  He must have gotten up at his usual time, maybe he is trying to sleep a bit more.  I would love to sleep a bit more.  I am definitely deficit in the sleep department right now. 

I was just sitting here with my coffee reflecting a bit on how the things from our youth live on in our memories.  I was definitely raised on Romper Room, and there are times that I absolutely cannot get the "Bend and Stretch" song out of my head.  I only ever remember the first line, "bend and stretch and reach for the stars there goes Jupiter here comes Mars"... I doubt I have seen the show or heard the song since I was maybe 6, that is fifty years ago.  But I can still hear it in my mind.  

Usually it is when my mind or body or both are tired it just randomly pops into my head.  Talk about incredible programming.  It makes me wonder what we have been doing to kids forever and the purpose for it.  Raising my babies, I remember singing them nursery rhymes that I had learned as a child.  I remember teaching them the words and coming up with silly games to go with them.  I have no idea why and as I have gotten older and learned the origin of some of those nursery rhymes... well lets just say some of them stem from very dark places. 

I wonder about this effect, the programming being done in what appears to be harmless ways. It isn't all as simple as songs from childhood or nursery rhymes.  Although, I also can recite the song I learned to count to ten in German and other little things like that. It's around us everywhere.  A popular trivia category is to name the jingles from commercials.  How many of us can name a song or movie by a few notes or words?

I know that when I am working on creating something from a pattern not only do I retain muscle memory of the project, but after a few moments of a basic stitch pattern, I no longer need the actual written pattern to complete it.  

Our minds are powerful tools, but also seem fairly easy to program is my point.  I am personally a questioner.  I will question everything.  It is hard for me to simply take things at face value without digging deeper into the layers surrounding it.  As I said I've even looked into the origin of nursery rhymes.  I need proof.  I guess it is only natural that I would end up living in the "show-me state".  I am that person. 

I simply need to understand the reason behind everything.  I will never accept something told to me with the expectation that I accept it on blind faith. I am probably not the kind of person that someone trying to program likes.  It is possibly the reason that I push back so heard against the television and listening to the radio can cause immense stress. 

I need facts, I need proof, I need to see all sides of the subject and understand it deeply before I am willing to make a decision.  I think very critically.  I struggle with thoughts that are passed off as facts without proof.  I think that is one of the reasons our current world is so uncomfortable for me.  Why I am questioning even harder. 

Oddly enough, there are things such as faith and spirituality that I need zero physical proof of.  They simply are.  I don't question them, I don't doubt them, I simply treasure and grow in them.  

I am fairly positive these are things I came into this life with.  Not things that were taught to me.  Because my faith and belief system is definitely not the one that they tried to have me learn in Sunday School.  I have always questioned traditional religion, while I celebrate and know that God is the core of everything. I also don't ever find God in a pastor's sermon.  I find God in nature, in the quiet moments, in my heart and in the natural world that surrounds and encompasses me. I don't find God in doctrine. 

I have a deep faith in something that I cannot see with my human eyes.  I find calmness in the love and grace I feel surrounding me.  I do not ever feel that I am manipulated or controlled, only wrapped in a soft blanket by that faith and love.  Probably one of the reasons I struggle. 

I feel that there has been an endless cycle of control.  I wonder why we accept the narrative that we are born into this wonderful life to simply work, sleep and pay bills.  I wonder why we are asked to accept an angry, harsh God.  Is it all programming to control a free heart?  Is there something beautiful that is just on the other side of the control?  Why are we always afraid that we are going to do or say the wrong thing - that we will break our programming? Will we discover the bright, loving, wonderful hearts and souls we all posses? Will we find that with love, kindness and faith we will discover a world free of so much heartbreak, pain and struggle?

Yep, you can definitely tell I am running on far too little sleep and that my mind has been allowed to wander far too much this morning.  I am feeling deeply impacted by some of the things going on in our world right now.  Maybe not so much on a physical level, although I am really tired of the way prices are literally sky rocketing and people are blindly accepting that as okay, but on a deep emotional and heart level.  

I am trying to not let the programming effect me, I am trying to keep looking ahead into the light.  Instead I am seeing people being hurt and manipulated and it is making me heart sick. People are really being tested right now.  Families are being broken, friendships destroyed.  So much is happening. From my quiet seat on the side where I am questioning everything... I feel like I am watching a horror movie play out.  I feel like for every question there are no answers, simply more questions. 

Definitely time to unplug my brain and do something mindless... 

love and peace...

deep thoughts...

Serious question folks, do  you know your own worth?  I saw something on the book today that really got me pondering that question.  It posed the idea that we should all know our own worth and act accordingly. And not settle for less than we absolutely deserve. 

As I'm sitting here in the silence and early morning light, I am really thinking this through.  I wonder how many of us know our actual worth, how many people accept behaviors, actions, jobs, ideals, etc that devalue us.  And how to we resolve these feelings and emotions. 

And then I went off on this crazy tangent of how many different ways do we allow that to be the case. 

I know of people that I would say it is very obvious they do not know their self-worth.  They are stuck in go nowhere careers being treated as less than human.  They have friends or family that take advantage at every turn, that continually dip into their buckets without ever being the hose that fills them up.  If you look around and observe, it seems to be a way of being for some.  

I am not usually someone that will stand my ground where my own feelings are concerned, which is probably why this statement has me pondering its validity.  I have often throughout my life allowed others to treat me disrespectfully for a variety of reasons.  Maybe it was because I really thought/felt I needed the income a job provided.  Or maybe I was afraid of losing a relationship that I thought was important.  Or maybe it was that old standby, fear. 

As I am aging, I find myself less willing to experience those kind of actions.  Do I think I am finding my own self worth?  I'm not sure.  Maybe I always had it, but I lacked the skills to no longer allow it to impact me.  I lean more to the side of balance in most things.  I rarely have a definitive hard stance on things regarding how I experience this.

Can I respect that an employer might also be coming from a place of fear or desperation?  Of course.  Can I see the person dipping from another person's emotional bucket without seeing how dangerously low it's getting, doing so because their own emotional bucket is completely drained.  Absolutely! 

I am not so sure that the majority of people do things callously or with a conscious plan to be malicious.  I think that the majority of us have our own personal breaking points and when those are reached or crossed we inadvertently cause harm to others.  The intention is never to damage another's self worth.  It isn't to minimize them as a human or to use them, their time, their talent, their treasure, etc.  It's simply a reaction to our own personal emotional or physical lack that we get wrapped up in. 

I firmly believe that when we find ourselves in that cycle, if it's for a moment in time or an extended period of time, maybe we need to step out of that space.  Back up and take a breath. I am coming to realize that protecting your self-worth isn't so much about confrontations, it doesn't involve rash decisions, it doesn't need hurtful words or actions.  It seems to be about space, about calmness, about compassion and appreciation of the other person or group. 

I'm definitely not an expert, I tend to learn by trial and error.  I am a giver by nature, the kind of person that often ends up looking like the doormat.  I'm also a very strong willed person. I will do for you to distraction.  I will forgive most things and not look back.  Does this mean I have no self worth?  I don't believe so.  I feel like it means that I am a loving and generous person.  I will occasionally allow other's to treat me in a manner that causes cuts to my heart and then step away to lick my wounds and process what happened. Most of the time, I realize the other person had too much going on to realize their actions caused pain, write it off as a lesson learned and move forward.

I have also been the person that caused those cuts to others because of issues in my own life that I hadn't dealt with. I will admit in the past I have been known to cut ties, walk away, put up walls, refuse to be part of what I perceived as a toxic environment, friendship, relationship etc.  I will also admit to standing my ground so fervently that my reaction ultimately became the action of not valuing another's self worth. I don't do well with threats, rigidity, blind callousness or hatefulness for the sake of hatefulness and tend to get a bit feisty when that happens. 

I do push back when I am disregarded and treated as if my feelings, time, energy or gifts are used yet not returned.  I think most people do.  I honestly wonder if we put too much attention on our own self worth and not enough on the worth of others around us. 

I'm growing as a person.  I can give you the space you need to process your emotions.  I can remove myself from a situation that isn't working for me.  I can see when an external force is threatening my inner peace.  So I think that I do value my self worth, but in doing so I never want to devalue another. I feel like our world right now has so many people yelling and screaming with a need to only have their point of view, their feelings, their rights heard that they are becoming blind to any other needs, voices, feelings,  or points of view. 

If you need to dip into my emotional bucket, because yours is running dry, please do!  Do so with kindness and from a place of love so that my bucket doesn't run dry also, I am here for you.  If you need my energy, I am more than willing to share, even when it is running low I know how to refill that precious commodity.  And if you need my physical help, know that I will be there and give you whatever I can.  In return, I simply ask for the same things. 

We are all a million fractals of feelings, thoughts, emotions, and actions.  Firing off at different times to different things.  And to me it seems like the beauty and the perfection lies in knowing and valuing each other, while still being able to step back when needed.  While having the courage to course correct if needed without fear of reprisal. 

So many thoughts are whirling through my mind today.  So much to do in the silence that today is bringing.  Plans change, life happens, people react, it's a cycle.  I'm far more interested in how we continue to dance together than how we show up solo... 

love and peace... 

the project...

I'm totally and completely out of sync lately.  And I love it! Even if it is stressing me out a bit, just because when I have things that I am working on I feel like I must complete them in a linear order.  It isn't happening.  In fact, other than the project that I am currently wrapped up in, nothing is happening. 

I knew when the box arrived on Tuesday that I would struggle with waiting.  As soon as I ran my fingers over the yarn at hand, I was mesmerized, I couldn't wait to see what it would look like.  I balled a skein up within the hour.  As I was winding it, the plan was already forming in my head.  I was bargaining with myself.  Maybe just a couple of hours an evening, the rest of the time would be dedicated to the other projects, housework, being an adult. 

I did great on Tuesday, I literally only worked on the project for two hours.  I put it up and went to bed.  That is when the obsession happened.  When I knew it wasn't going to be put down for any length of time until it was finished.  As I was drifting off to sleep I was thinking about it, it was in my dreams and the first thing in the morning I wanted to start again.  It didn't matter that I had chores to complete, my blog to write, my exercises to complete, I simply wanted to work on it. 

Honestly, I've been trying to process how long it will take me to complete it and if I can get the rest of my list done before Christmas at this rate.  Truthfully, I believe I will be just fine.  Best guess, this will take me about a total of 9 or 10 days.  Luckily, the rest of the things I am working on need far less time, usually a few hours to a whole day.  I've got this... 

I have to see this through.  I am under a spell. 

Hubs and I got up super early this morning to go out and see the lunar eclipse.  It was so pretty, and such a beautiful red in the coldness of the night air.  I have to admit that I love he will do these rather insane things with me.  It's the first one of it's kind in over 450 years, I mean seriously that's even more than a once in a lifetime event, it must be enjoyed. 

I wish my phone would have captured a clearer picture, it simply couldn't compete with the brightness that remained of it. We enjoyed it from the front yard for a short while, but decided we'd rather enjoy it away from all of the light pollution.  Armed with our hot coffee and lots of layers we drove west a few miles out of the city lights and sat together and watched it pass while talking about all kinds of things.  Particularly current events. 

Since Hubs had an early day, I halfheartedly attempted to do a few chores, nope I didn't get far.  The siren call of my project bag dragged me back in.  Instead of tidying my currently very untidy home, I spent two hours watching my project take shape before my eyes.  

It's going to be a long two weeks at this rate.... I love that I am in a place and time that allows for this manic behavior.  Hubs is kind enough to understand that I am deeply engrossed and is not fussing overly much about the cleanliness or the lack of consistent meals.  I am trying to make sure those aren't interrupted, not incredibly successfully. But... oh well. 

As the sun is popping over the horizon, I am going to dive deeper into my project.  If you don't hear from me for a few days... know it's because I just can't stop... 

love and peace!

play date...

Not much time to write today.  I've been up for hours, but I have been busy! I asked Hubs to skip my usual fire (I simply cannot help but linger when it is burning bright), I simply had lots to do this morning.  Yesterday was a super lazy day in many ways.  I started on a project that I just couldn't help but getting absolutely lost in, so things needed to be caught up this morning. 

I get to spend the day with my sweet little curly top.  So I made some yummy muffins to share, packed my "play bag", copied the pattern that I am working off of (so I don't need to bring my laptop), packed some snacks - my girl and I definitely do not eat the same things.  Gramma needs to be prepared. 

I was going to walk down, but Hubs and the girl both lost their minds a bit.  Not exactly sure why, it's not even a mile to her house.  Hubs is afraid I will freeze, doubtful, but whatever.  If he wants to drive me, I will let him. 

I woke up this morning to find out I'd missed yet another earthquake, but seems lots of other people felt it.  Ironically, I was awake and sitting in the living room when it happened. Guess there was no damage done anywhere or that would have been blaring on the news. 

I am looking forward to a day of fun with my little one.  It's colder than it's been, but the sun is out, so maybe we will even get a walk in.  She is so full of energy and fire! I can't wait to hear the stories she will tell me today, or what mystical creatures are going to sneak up on us while we play innocently in their living room.  I should actually record her stories, they are so well thought out.  

I made sure to get some extra stretches in this morning, I want to be able to get down on the floor and play with her.  She absolutely loves to play Barbies, sadly Gramma's imagination is not nearly as active nor vibrant and I spend a good bit of time being educated on playing Barbies. 

Maybe we will do a craft project today if she feels like it, my daughter is literally as bad as I am for having art supplies everywhere.  I am so proud that she inherited that from me. 

Well... time is ticking, almost time for my play date!  Have a wonderful day and find the time to bring out your inner child!

love and peace...

life through her eyes...

Autumn wonder, a day at it's best.  It was wonderful!  I don't often get days to simply be silly with my little curly top angel, just being Gramma.  It was such a rare and wonderful treat to watch and listen to the world through her view. The original plan was that I would sit with her until she woke up and then we would be helping the daughter do some tasks.  

As things seem to happen lately, the best laid plans... anyhow, my sweetie and I were blessed with a day of fun together.  We had deep conversations, we laughed, she asked a million questions and happily provided me with her well thought out opinions.  I struggle to believe she is only four.  She is wise beyond her years, and you can easily tell that she spends the majority of her time with adults.  

She and I walked through the blowing leaves, played on the path that encircles her backyard, we listened quietly to the sounds of the woods and she made up fanciful tales of the animals that reside there. She even coaxed her Gramma onto the ground to play Barbies, promising that she would figure out how to help me back up if I couldn't do it on my own.  It was the first time since July that I had been able to sit on the ground and play with her.  It was wonderful!

Yesterday was also a day of changes in the progression of my healing.  It marked fourteen weeks, although that wasn't the milestone, it was simply a day.  The milestones were with stairs and hills.  I didn't even think about it as I climbed the stairs with smoothies in both hands, to visit with Hubs while he got ready for work.  I just climbed, one foot in front of the other, no hands on the rails.  I was half way up before I realized what I was doing.  Just minding my business, climbing stairs like the majority of people do. A bit later leaving a coffee shop, happily chatting away I stepped down two stairs in the same manner.  I didn't lead with my healing leg, I just stepped down. Not as easy, admittedly a bit clumsily, but I did it without pain. 

Admittedly, I was already in a state of giddiness when I got to enjoy life through the eyes of my sweet little one, so all together it was a day with a bow on it!

Spending time with loved ones is so important.  Even the littlest ones have so much to contribute to the rhythm of the day.  Our curly top is head strong, she is deeply opinionated, she struggles to control her emotions which can fly any which way at any time.  She is full of joy, excitement, deep feelings and an imagination that is vivid and colorful.  She is kind and gentle when the mood strikes, her heart is full of love and compassion. And oh those dimples!  Especially when she is up to pure mischief.

I remember those kind of days with her older sister.  Our sweet angel face.  I miss those days and I have longed for time with the little one.  Yesterday was a pure blessing, I am hoping for more of those days.  I might get to spend tomorrow with her if her Dad isn't available.  Is it terrible that I hope he is busy and cannot spend the day with her.  I mean, I know he loves her too and doesn't get to see her as often as he would like, but this Gramma loves spending time with that little ball of pure energy.  She pushes me to expand my own thoughts and to absorb her energy.  We'll see. My fingers are crossed.

Today, I will catch up on tasks I eagerly pushed aside for those moments.  I will work on projects and I might even start writing out my holiday recipe cards!  The cards I bought for them arrived late Monday.  I am super excited about this little project.  So many of my friends have said they wish to participate. I figure if I write out a couple of them a day, by Thanksgiving I should have plenty of them ready. Who knows I might even tidy the house a bit today. 

Find time to spend with loved ones.  Gather them close.  Make memories that will last forever.  Have silly conversations (even with the littlest ones), giggle at the silly and be willing to wear the wig designed from strings of yarn.  Your life will be richer for the experience, your heart will be fuller and your soul will soar to the heavens in joy... I promise...

love and peace...

voices in my head...

Off to a super slow start this morning.  I was up late lingering by an evening fire that Hubs made for me.  Even though I was sleepy, I found myself deeply engaged in the hat I was making and the calmness of the evening.  I slept soundly until the sun was creeping over the horizon this morning.  

I felt so accomplished climbing into bed last night.  So many projects were completed or nearly completed.  I finished a hat that had been a stumbling block for me. For no other reason that it had a lot of parts and I was feeling overwhelmed by the assembly process. Ironically, once I decided to finish it, I was completely done in about 30 minutes.  

I've been having a lot of those moments lately.  Internal thoughts, perceptions, etc have led me to be frozen.  Unable or maybe unwilling to move forward.  Those inside voices have been playing hell with my motivation.  Yet, as soon as I decide that I am no longer listening or acknowledging those voices, I am able to zip right through whatever had seemed insurmountable before. Like everything suddenly clicks into place. 

I feel a lot of it ties into the negativity we sometimes tell ourselves.  I don't even know that I am consciously doing it.  I am simply running on an almost auto-pilot of programmed negative thoughts in my head.  Haven't any of you used words like "I'll try", "maybe I can do that", or "I'll give it my best shot"?  I am super guilty of doing that.  I know it.  I'm working super hard at switching off that kind of thought process and simply thinking like I have already accomplished what I am working on. 

My daughter calls it manifesting. She might be right.  As my leg has been healing, I have focused on thinking of it as strong and healed.  Yesterday, I hopped on my elliptical, I was in a positive and uplifted mood.  I didn't for a moment expect it to be difficult or hard, I just expected to do my five minutes (as that is where I am at right now) and be strong. There was a song playing that I liked and I was in a great mental spot, I was four minutes in before I realized that I had been able to bend my knee without much resistance. I have one that is a combination elliptical/bike, I only sat for about thirty seconds.  It just didn't seem like something I needed to do.  

As I am learning to change my internal conversations I am also learning the power of those conversations.  Normally, I would have been anticipating a struggle and pain on the elliptical.  Normally, that is what I get.  So many things lately are helping me to think outside of my previous limiting thoughts.  

I now find myself having different conversations inside my head.  Ones that are more like "I am doing", "I can easily accomplish this" or "I am skilled at this, it wasn't difficult at all".  I've noticed that I can and do accomplish things that seemed daunting not too long ago, just by changing my approach to them. 

Today, I will accomplish many things that fill me with joy and pride.  I will finish up a few projects and start a few more.  I will enjoy my life and focus on living my very best life.  Learning to rephrase the internal conversations is huge for me.  Learning to stop the negative Nelly living in my thoughts pushing fear and uncertainty is completely changing my perspective on life. 

It's really our choice you know.  Live in fear or live in faith...

love and peace...

a time to linger...

It's gonna be a short fire break this morning, I would love to linger in it's warmth, but I also want to get all of the things I am working on finished and sadly I cannot do that while sitting here in front of the fire. It's a shame, because my sweet Hubs has it perfect today.  

I can definitely get lost in it the warmth and beauty of it. 

I finished piecing the quilt for my great nephew yesterday and started loading it on the longarm.  I want to finish that today, we have a due date for him now, December 2, but my niece isn't known for waiting until due dates and I want to be sure it is ready for his arrival. I chose a pattern called Missouri Puzzle Star Quilt, it's a classic two color, although I am going to self-bind it with the sweet sheep fabric on the back. 

I'd never seen or tackled this block before, and while I love it and will definitely be making it differently if I make it again, it will need the directions reworked.  The pattern is older and does not use any of the newer techniques that make quilting easier and more efficient. I have several ideas in my mind for how I want to use it to make larger quilts once I have improved the flow.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a post on the book from the friend that I made the quilt for.  I have to admit I was a bit embarrassed by the words of praise (yeah, I might need to work on my self-confidence).  While I was extremely pleased with how nice the quilt turned out, I definitely did not expect that.  I was also over the moon at the possibility of making a few more quilts for some of her friends.  We will see how that comes together.  There is such a difference between the kind of quilts I make and the ones you see advertised for $100 complete.  Mine cost more, but will last a lifetime, they are actually quilted and I do all the work.  I know the differences because I did a great deal of research.  Sorry, if I have to do the work, cut the blocks and send them to you, you sew them together in a grid and then tie them (this does not make a very secure quilt)... well, why do I need you?  We'll see where this path leads.   

Hubs was also a busy guy yesterday, he and the owner of the local cigar shop have been talking for a couple of months about what could be done with the plethora of boxes that they have after all the cigars are sold.  I personally use them to store things.  Lots of things, fabric, threads, patterns, needles... you get the picture. They were thinking of something more useful.  I thought my use of them was pretty useful, but I have to agree Hubs' idea is super fun and awesome!  

He is turning them into clocks. Now, I am not a cigar smoker, so to me having a clock from a cigar box is not something I would have ever considered.  Although, I will admit to having fallen in love with several clocks made from old sewing machines and spinning wheels, so I can see the value if that is something that you really enjoy.  I also think they would look awesome in a man-cave.  Not so sure about my living room, but I will admit that I really liked one of the ones he created yesterday. 

They are going to be for sale at the local cigar shop, so we will see how they do.  I am building my website and will also offer them on there.  You know how we feel about supporting local, so to be part of that movement is pretty incredible for us.  

As I was planning out my week this morning, I am fairly positive that Thursday or Friday will be soap making days.  I need to get most of them done this week and I have stuff going on and the dehydrator running almost non-stop until then.  I might also throw in some candle making.  As one can never have too many incredible smelling candles in their home.  I bought some traditional fall and winter scents that I have been dying to play with.  I love that I have time to get lost in all of my projects, although Hubs isn't too happy when I forget to cook while I am lost. I really am working on that, I promise!

I'm going to check my Christmas list this week too, I am getting down to the final items on it for family and friends.  I want to be able to start work on Hubs big gift as soon as the yarn arrives, late this week or early next.  It is a fairly large project, and no I am not giving it away - he already knows because he tricked me. That being said, I need to put all of the finishing touches on the gifts that are completed and start to get them wrapped.  I am feeling a touch discombobulated where my list and pile are concerned.  I had a solid plan, everything was in bags with names etc... next thing I knew, every time I saw yarn that appealed to me, I started knitting or crocheting and one thing led to another.  Now I have stacks of finished projects that I am not all together sure who they are going to connect to.  One thing I do not thrive in is chaos, which means some serious time needs to be spent sorting it out. 

ignore the tag... that was to demonstrate
a challenge I was having.

this was a gift to a one year old

chaos central

In case you can't tell, life is returning to a semi-normal state for me.  With projects, plans and a busy "work" schedule.  And frankly I am in heaven.  Yesterday as I was puttering around my longarm, I had to pause and tighten screws, make sure everything is working well, etc, I was in such a state of calm.  I had so much fun, with something that a year ago would have had me melting into tears of frustration.  Yesterday it was the act of organizing and maintaining the tools for my crafts, a year ago it would have been another road block stopping me from moving forward.  

As I was puttering around, and enjoying the process, I also realized that I might not replace my longarm.  I know a few short months ago, I was on a mission to change it out with a newer one.  We have gotten much closer the more I have time to use it and I am not altogether sure another machine is going to give me anything I don't already have.  I mean sure a few more bells and whistles, a longer throat that will make a few things easier, and maybe a sturdier frame that won't require the adjustments that this one does.  But... is it worth the expense?  I have toyed with getting one on a table as opposed to a frame, but I will tell you that Regent sounded like a freight train and I definitely wasn't getting into a zen state with that.  I am still going to look into some of the table based machines, it's still a possibility, but as of this moment in time I am thankful that I waited. 

Doesn't it figure that the day I decide I am not going to let Hubs build me a huge fire that lasts for hours that the few little logs he put in there are evidently a very hard wood and they are maintaining a beautiful fire.  The kind that I will lose myself in, because I refuse to not enjoy every last minute of it.  For far too many years I had to close it up and let it burn itself up so that I could head off to work, long before it was embers.  Now I make sure I have work and a cozy chair that allows me to linger. 

As you start your busy week, I hope that you are taking time to linger on the things and people that are truly important to you.  And remember you are one of those important people yourself.

The sky is starting to turn a brilliant orange along the treeline, the fire is starting to fade, I will work on one of my hand projects and sip my coffee for the last few minutes.  It's almost time for me to start my day also. 

love and peace...