a toast...

Less than eleven hours left until 2021 is simply a number we have moved past.  When we wake up tomorrow the calendar will say we are in a new year.  I've been up in my sewing room working on a project, Hubs has been watching movies and entertaining our sweet puppies that appear to be needing lots of rest the past two days, or maybe they have been sleeping that much all along and we were too busy snuggling to notice. Our daily world is pretty much the same as always except for the fact that Hubs has a holiday from work.

Poor Hubs is looking far worse for the wear and I am very thankful that my knee prevents me from getting on the floor easily to play with the pups.  Their little nails have led him to looking like he's wandered through a smashed glass window. Although I believe he is loving the sweet babies and the energy they bring to our lives.  I am sure his split lip and cuts to his nose will heal just fine and he will forgive them. 

As I was stitching I was listening to a couple of astrologers that I really enjoy.  The share the flavor of the astrology, but they do not tell you this or that will happen.  I like that.  As I was listening to them, I was pondering a bit of what they were chatting about.  It sounds like astrologically the next few years are going to be... well dumpster fire is what comes to mind.  Although it also sounds like it will be our personal choice if we participate or not, it will be up to us to determine how much of the chaos we choose to participate in.  Truthfully, I think that has always been our choice. 

One of the questions they asked us to consider involved where is our own line in the sand so to speak.  So much of what they were talking about resonated loudly with me.  Focusing on prayer, meditation, looking for the helpers, being the helpers.  Intentional attention to our planet, the animals, to planting food that is nutritious and filling. Asking us to take care of our planet, to look at how we do things and to look to see if there is another way to do it. 

I spent some time looking at small bits of my life.  Creating, celebrating, collaborating, finding ways to expand my physical, mental and spiritual health. Finding more ways to attract abundance to our lives in many ways.

I refuse to make resolutions, those are simply an opportunity to let yourself down, to destroy all of the good intentions and ideas when you rapidly wrote them out.  Because we all make basically the same resolutions each year.  Who hasn't said they will lose (or gain) weight, exercise a certain amount, make more money, clean their house, work on promotions, etc.  Those are pretty basic things, a bubble of physical things. They always seem to be about changing things about ourselves, who we are and our habits. 

I want to dig deeper.  I want to plan differently. 

As we wrap up this year, I want to celebrate all the different layers of who I am and focus intentions on further developing and growing those things.  I don't want to feel that in order to succeed I have to remake myself.  Because I don't, none of us do.  I firmly believe that we are all here at this time to find our true selves and expand that beautiful being. 

Now, I also want to say that in finding that person, there are things that are external that I do want to further remove from my life. I do want to continue to pare away some of the things that I have been conditioned to believe, taught to experience in my daily life.  There are things that I feel strongly about, that I have been pushing aside, that I am no longer going to push aside. 

I am terribly afraid that in 2022 I might be accused of being a bit self-centered.  I don't like that idea, I don't even like the feeling.  Truth be told for most of my life, everyone, everything, every responsibility has come before my own self-care.  I know a lot of people like that, and I have probably told you so if you are one of them.  

I still intend to care deeply, to give of myself and to lift others up as high as possible.  On the other side of that coin, I intend to devote more time and energy to self-care.  If my own cup is empty, what on earth do I have to pour from? And by self-care, I am definitely not talking about candlelight, bubble baths and champagne, although those don't hurt from time to time. 

No, self-care is something that I started working on this year.  It's taking care of my own needs, my own growth.  It's letting go of things, energy, ideas, and just general crap that do not serve me any longer.  I started purging a lot of that this year.  I intend to continue on that path.  I find I have more to give to others when I feel that my own needs are being met, that I am not doing things because I am obligated, more so because I want to do them. 

I'm sitting here in my favorite chair, gazing out the window at the beauty of the world resting for the winter (that hasn't quite decided to come).  The pups are snoozing, the Hubs is now snoozing and I am in a great mental spot.  I am reflecting on the person I was on January 1, 2021.  I remember staying up with Hubs, I remember standing outside in the bitter cold, staring up at the stars and yelling happy new year!  Toasting it in with wine and a kiss.  Confidently saying that 2021 was going to be our year.  Ironically, as the clock is ticking down on 2021, I am feeling like I am comfortably safe in saying, this year definitely provided many needed changes.  Brought balance.  It started a year of rebirth.  

I am looking forward with wonder and awe.  I am excited to see this new year unfolding.  So many things are changing.  I don't know if any of us really disconnect enough to savor and experience them in their purest forms.  Most of us look at things through some foggy haze.  We often think what we are told to think, feel what the "herd" wants us to feel.  But do we stop and really feel?  Do we reason through the information we are given and then ask our deepest heart to help us process it?  Or do we wait for instructions?

This upcoming year is going to be focused on that very thing.  I want to listen to my heart a whole lot more and the outside noise a whole lot less.  I want to spend more time in nature, less time on social media.  More time creating, less time destroying.  

I know this feels rambling, I'm still clarifying my thoughts and plan for the year to come.  I think I am on the right path for me though... 

So cheers to 2021, it's been full of growth, opportunities, doors opening and so much healing.  I am grateful for the lessons and changes. 

See you in 2022... I am working on defining my line in the sand, it's not too different than it's always been...

love and peace... 

no rest for the weary...

What a busy morning.  Our sweet little boy decided he needed to potty at 4 am, and that was when the fun started today. Hubs is trying to steal some more sleep in the basement, and they finally crashed about 530ish.  I thought about going back to sleep, I truly did, but I was already on my second cup of coffee at that point.  So while they've slept, I made the crackers for tonight's' dinner. 

I can hear that sweet little boy stirring, sister is out like the world has moved on without her, so I am hoping he will snooze a bit longer.  I didn't get around to rearranging the living room like I had planned yesterday, so when they are awake there is absolutely zero rest.  

I'm tired, but I am absolutely loving these little bundles of energy.  They are bringing me joy I hadn't imagined.  Not to mention they are forcing me to move my knee - alot - two hours into the day and I haven't even left the house and already have over 1000 steps.  Rarely do I get a reminder to move anymore. I've got this covered. 

As we are rushing into the last days of the year, I am so thankful for this year.  I know it's an odd statement and it definitely might show a bit of insanity on my part, especially after the way this year has unfolded. So much has happened.  There have been so many things that could have been perceived as horrible or even stopping points.  Yet, they have simply been detours.  I feel like life is forcing me to go the way I was supposed to go. 

I guess if I had looked at all of those road blocks as something horrible, or tried to force myself back onto the path I was on I might view everything differently. I haven't tried to force anything this year.  I've tried to just be still and let things happen, tried to understand the reasoning behind it all and let myself stay peaceful. 

Some of it has been absolutely yuck, it has hurt my heart and made me cry in all honesty.  But as I stood in the kitchen this morning working on the crackers for dinner I felt such gratitude.  I treasure doing for my family and once again I can.  I can take puppies to see the youngest grand-daughter when she calls, I can make a last minute dinner for friends without being stressed.  I am living my life in a place of love, joy and acceptance.  

I am not fighting anything. Except my own human urge to control things.  That is the hardest part.  I am doing my best to understand everything and why it is happening the way it is, but I am also trying even harder to allow it all to happen the way that it is happening.

I struggle with the loses, but mine have been minor compared to others. Early in the year I had a reading in Paducah, I have the worst memory in the world, but I remember that reading.  I remember being told to focus on the flow, to accept things as they happen.  To remember and know that things would be okay, even when it felt like they wouldn't be okay. I was also told that I would either slow down on my own, or the universe would keep slowing me down. This was after I was so sick in January, I evidently didn't listen well, because I sure got slowed down even more. 

I needed to hear that message at that time, I needed to be ready. 

As we wrap up this year, I don't know that the me of a few years back would have been able to handle things.  I think I would have pushed and fought my way through to the forward I believed was for me.  The me that is looking forward to 2022, can see things a bit differently.  It's just a flipping of a calendar, a changing of a time construct made by man.  Things are going to continue the way they are meant to continue. I am focusing more on the seasons and the changes as nature intended them to be.  I am focusing on going with the flow. 

I was just listening to the news with Hubs and the "reporters" were saying that we shouldn't make new years resolutions because we simply won't be able to keep them.  I don't make them, but not for their reasons, in fact their reasons would only encourage me to succeed simply because they said I can't.  I sadly have to agree that focusing on happiness and mindfulness are much better for us.  Again, not for their reasons, but because it is important for our growth and happiness.  And that isn't something that one should wait on, on set a resolution to complete.  I despise the media.  

Well, my sweet babies are awake, chewing happily on their teethers and ready to rumble again - or at least Beau is, Belle is trying to convince him it's snuggle and sleeping time. Will I get to finish tasks or will I supervise the chaos?  Time will tell...  

love and peace...

the real meaning?

Silence has once again been found, Belle has decided that lying quietly in the kennel chewing on her teething bone is not something to be distraught about.  Beau is pretty laid back, so he was okay with it. It's nap time, we've been going strong since 4 am.  Momma needs a break, my coffee is long since ice cold and I had not had enough sleep when they were ready to roll.  My fault, I put them to bed far too early.  My leg was aching yesterday and I was exhausted, so we went to bed early.  Note to self: tough it out moving forward.  Soon that 8 hour restful night will be the norm, not the unexpected surprise. 

I am slowly adjusting to this new lifestyle, the new routine is different, but definitely not bad.  They are so precious and they definitely keep one another entertained.  They also keep my hopping, literally, over puppies, toys, chasing, stopping, redirecting and of course feeding and potty breaks.  I wouldn't change it for the world, although I am considering some barricades in the house to make containment a bit easier while they are still small. 

Yesterday was a brutal reminder that I am still recovering from major surgery and that my poor knee did not have time to rest from our trip, I need to think this through a bit more. It's a learning curve. 

Over this holiday season, the one created by commercialism and the media, I noticed a lot of folks, myself included, making the comment that they could not get into the holiday spirit.  It has really been niggling at my mind and my heart.  The why of it.  

I struggled hard with so much of the "commercialism" and expectations this year. I got lost in the have to's and didn't want to do any of it. It felt forced, it felt unnatural. Yet as the holiday itself rolled around and I lost myself more in the flow of doing what was best for our family, I felt such joy and relaxation about it all.  I can't be the only one.  

I used to be that die hard, programmed person.  The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving, the house and outside decorations completed and ready. Most of my gifts were bought and ready by the second week of December (wrapping was another story). Cookies, that would often remain uneaten, were baked by the dozens around the work week schedule. If any presents were opened early, it was just like when I was a little girl and it could be one from far away on Christmas eve along with our traditional Christmas eve pajamas.  And Christmas gifts (far too many and most of it unneeded) were opened in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Christmas dinner was prepared, almost a mirror image of the Thanksgiving feast, just slightly smaller.  And then on New Years Day the tree and trimmings came down and a complete cleaning of the house happened. That is simply how it all worked.  

Are the Christmas movies and shows simply to show us what we are supposed to do, because someone will financially benefit from it?  I long for the old holiday movies focused on treating one another good and spreading love and joy. Instead of the over the top productions that create a false sense of failure if you don't reach the benchmarks being set. 

Is that what I thought being in the Christmas spirit was? Slowly this has changed, evolved, and actually improved for us.  The first time my daughter asked us to switch I was mind boggled, I felt a shock to my life long habit.  Not that celebrating Christmas on a different day was a bad thing, the reason was solid.  Not all of her kids would be able to be home for Christmas day.  This year we switched it up again.  We moved it all a day earlier, the youngest was supposed to spend the holiday with her Daddy, but had a cough and stayed home. 

The strange thing about it was that those very changes made the holiday far more special.  We spent time with family in Alabama at the start of the month, opening gifts and enjoying each other.  Then we moved on to celebrating with family in Arkansas over the week before Christmas, again opening gifts and enjoying time together.  With the switch of the traditional day with the girls we also had time to spend with the rest of the family on Christmas day and we've moved on to celebrating with friends as we've moved into this week. The kids have been able to spend the time with more family and friends also, it has eliminated that feeling of not being there for everyone. 

I was so happy to find that useful gifts was a theme.  It wasn't about quantity, it was all about quality and usefulness (although my daughter went way overboard - I also understand her reasoning and I am very excited about her gift - feeling spoiled and like it was too much, but it will completely be used!). Each gift given and received had so much thoughtfulness and purpose behind it. 

Hubs only got me two impractical gifts, at least in the usefulness category, but my heart needed them more than I realized.  These puppies are filling a void I didn't realize I had. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is that breaking out of the traditional constructs of what this holiday has been created to be, has filled me with the true spirit of Christmas.  I have been doing so much research into this time of the year, the many layers that have all combined to create it. I am not finished looking into the history and traditions and I am sure that I will change my thoughts even more moving forward. 

I didn't spend a stupid amount of time decorating and found the most joy in the simplest of decorations.  There aren't a ton of lights, there is just enough to be festive and not overwhelming.  I kept myself true to my word and severely limited the shopping and made a gift for every person.  My heart soared with joy when my girl actually sent me a picture telling me she loved her hat and would take another in gray.  My nephew wore his to work, and families and friends have been sending me pictures of them wearing theirs.  

I didn't bake a stupid amount of cookies and all of them were grain and sugar free.  Since I don't have any left, I will say they were a hit.  I have spent more time with people doing simple things.  Browsing antique shops and thrift stores, searching for treasures, sitting around talking and crafting, watching movies and laughing.  Meals have been far more simple, more about nourishing the body and the heart. 

Is this lack or missing of Christmas spirit, really a reawakening of what it is truly about?  One of my dear friends gave me the greatest gift yesterday, and although I love the beautiful handmade glass ornament delivered in a handmade card,  that wasn't it.  It was the gift of his precious time!  We sat and chatted for just over an hour, sipping a glass of homemade bourbon cream and visiting.  It filled my heart to bursting.

We have plans with friends spread over the next few days, we've moved on to celebrating birthdays now. And the new year will fall in there also.  

This slower, more natural flow feels wonderful. More heart filling.  More joyous.  Maybe, just maybe, people aren't lacking in Christmas spirit, just maybe the lock downs and chaos of the past two years have opened our hearts and minds to what is truly important.  It isn't about shopping, over indulgence, and over the top everything.  Maybe it's about simply being thankful and celebrating all of the people and joy we have in our lives.  It's about simplicity and precious time. 

I have truly loved how this season is unfolding.  Sure I missed seeing my boy and his girl in person, I would have loved a hug, yet somehow, seeing his smiling face as he opened his gifts and enjoyed his coastal holiday filled my heart to over flowing.  He is happy.  Our girls here in town filled our hearts with love and joy just by spending time with them.  And the puppies have lead to massive quality time with our youngest grands. 

I'll be honest I am hoping to keep my tree up through the true twelve days of Christmas, but puppies might dictate otherwise.  I am looking forward to gathering with more of my friends and family.  And I am simply enjoying the calm and peaceful moments that the puppies are allowing. 

Has anyone else discovered these feelings?  I feel like I am finally waking up from an over indulgent, depersonalized day dream, and that reality is so much more beautiful than the fantasy.  

I hope that all of you are enjoying this time, celebrating all of the gifts that life has surrounded you with, finding time to rest, relax, reconnect.  I also hope that you are planning to take those beautiful gifts with you forward into the coming year. 

Time to dash, puppies will be waking soon and I have a few orders to finish.  

love and peace... 

everything changes...

In the wee hours this morning, trying to fall back asleep from the middle of the night puppy potty run, I spent a few moments looking at one of those "the first four words you see" puzzles.  This one was what my focus should be for 2022.  Normally, I don't put much stock in those silly things, writing them off as a trick of the mind.  This morning... crazy accurate!  

Change, connection, gratitude and alignment.  Pretty solid don't you think?

Here it is a few hours later, the puppies have been taken potty, eaten to their hearts content, and are currently playing like the little angelic devils they are. I am trying to find a few short moments to myself before breakfast is ready.  I'm making my first dish in my new air fryer/oven that Hubs got me for Christmas. It smells heavenly, although I am fairly certain, with redirecting sweet babies I am not going to finish typing before it's done. 

Yup, I was right, it's now early afternoon.  The pups and Hubs are sleeping while I fix lunch.  Since it is quiet, I am taking advantage of the moment. The peace is wonderful.  But then, so are the puppy kisses!

After a fun filled trip south we came home to the first of my Christmas surprises.  My sweet Hubs conspired with one of my dearest friends to bring me these two sweet babies.  Hubs told me no when I initially showed him the pictures.  So I moved on and started thinking that we would get a couple of puppies in a few months, maybe around springtime or so.  I fell in love with the 7 month old little white guy, but figured it was okay, there are other little ones that will steal my heart. 

Hubs has wanted baby puppies forever, so he definitely jumped in with both feet when he saw babies!  The family didn't want to part with the older puppy is my understanding, and Hubs took full advantage to have a pair of littles.  

They are adorable!  They have completely stolen my heart!  But boy oh boy is this a huge adjustment! The rhythm and flow of my world is 100% different, totally different world.  I have had puppies twice in the past 20 years, unfortunately, we lost both of them young.  It tore my heart into a million tiny bits and pieces. So I am probably being an obsessive puppy mom, but I do not want to tragically every lose a fur baby again. These two, are definitely going to keep me hopping.  

I was so excited to get five full hours of sleep before I got woken up for a potty break, that I actually woke up wondering why, fearful that something was wrong in the silence. I was the same way with my human babies too, but I was a lot younger back then.  Heck, my baby is going to be 31 in a few short weeks. It was a short moment in time before they started calling to go outside.  

I'm not the only one smitten with these little furry dynamos.  Our youngest grand, called me joyously to tell me Santa had been at her house and that we needed to hurry and come open presents.  Oh yeah, and bring the puppies!  In fact when she is home, that is pretty much the call of the day. 

I fear that I will not be writing much, although my plan was to shoot for every day in 2022.  These little ones definitely need constant attention. I am even learning to value a kennel, although I never did before.  

Well... I need to get a few things done before the babies wake up and need potty break, food and play in that order before passing out again. 

love and peace... 

another adventure begins...

Brilliant full moon, stars twinkling bright in the early morning sky, the first official frost of the season and we are off on another adventure. It's the annual holiday trip to Arkansas. 

We haven't been there in a bit, not since we lost my car, before my knee surgery. Just four short months, although it seems like another lifetime.

I feel a bit like Santa in the big red truck filled with gifts for loved ones. Hubs was dressed up as the big guy yesterday for the oldest. It was great fun, although Santa was looking a bit malnourished.

For some reason he can't seem to accept that I don't want another car. I don't feel that I need it, nor do I want the expense associated with one for it to be in the garage most of the time. Or in the driveway, as Hubs boat and the truck are in the garage. We don't need to contribute to the break-ins that keep happening. I'm so tired of those. And the victim blaming that has become the norm. Although watching Santa shopping yesterday humored me greatly.

As we start Christmas week I am looking forward to the calm, projects are almost finished. Just a few left for travel projects. Hubs is off this week so we will spend lots of time with family and friends. 

Enjoy the energy of the full moon! Focus on the good and clearing out what no longer serves you. Energy, experiences, careers, even people. Take a deep look and live your best life!

Well, the sky is starting to lighten, and we are cruising along under this brilliant full moon. Family is at the other end of the road and a winery stop is on agenda for today...

Love and peace....

counting blessings...

Are you living in blessings?  Do you recognize them in the every day ordinary?  For me, each day feels full of blessings.  I am so thankful to be living in this time.  To be focused on the important things.  The things that fill me with pure joy and happiness. 

It's only 7:30 am, the sun has just decided to lighten the sky to a softer shade of gray.  It's been a bit rainy the past 24 hours or so.  It's supposed to be a bit cloudy for today and then clearing.  We were expecting a lot more rain, but as usual it slid north of us.  Hubs and I have been busy for the past couple of hours.  Finishing up projects, since this time yesterday I have officially completed 4 knit/crochet projects and this morning we spent some time in the kitchen.  Some of it is holiday treats, some of it is prepping for our upcoming trip.  

We found some great keto recipes for one of our favorite holiday beverages, Irish Cream, so we spent the morning experimenting with Irish Whiskey, Buffalo Trace and Jack Single Barrel, I promise I am not intoxicated already at this wee hour, but... someone had to sample it all.  And since Hubs will be donning a Santa Suit in just a few hours, we felt it best to not have Santa smell like a distillery.  Someone had to make the sacrifice, I volunteered as tribute. I think I enjoyed it more over ice, but in a cup of coffee it's not too hard to enjoy either!

In the past week I've been blessed with time spent either in person or talking to all three kiddo's and some of the families.  It was great!  I don't get to do that often enough.  And even when there are struggles or changes going on, that always fills my bucket to overflowing. For some reason, maybe because the kids are going to be home this year I am missing and noticing our boys are no longer with us.  Hanging stockings feels odd with just the two there on the mantle.  We are simply transitioning to a different reality.  It's just different. Although I can't help smiling, Hubs had my dearest friend in New Mexico make an awesome wall hanging with both of the boys on it a few years back.  It hangs on the wall where I put the tree every year.  It filled me with joy to look up and see them peaking around the tree.  They are always with us also. 

Hubs and I have both been drawn to the puppy presents at the stores and spent a lot of time walking down memory lane, remembering how each of our boys loved the holidays. After Christmas and the new year settles in, I think it will be time to start to seriously look for new fur babies to join us. We are simply dog people and enjoy having them in our lives. 

It's going to be another crazy busy day, stuff to cook, a Santa to accompany, presents to wrap, a truck to pack.  Tomorrow starts another short adventure.  This year sure is flying past, almost to the point that i feel afraid to close my eyes to sleep, what might I miss? I have a few more gifts to complete, it won't take long and then it will be time to start "hibernating".  I plan to switch up the pace after the holidays, there are things on my personal to do list I want to tackle and I want to launch my website shortly after the holidays. 

Not so much a new year resolution, I'm not really big into those.  Personally it feels like setting myself up for failure.  I don't want to create a list that shows all the things I want to change about me.  Instead I believe I am going to focus on setting some intentions.  Not things to change, but things I want to enhance and grow.  Things to meditate and focus on. Blessings to grow. 

For now, I am simply enjoying the blessings that surround me daily.  A husband that I adore, my true soul mate.  Children and grands that fill my heart with joy, I cherish the moments that we spend with them, so proud of the humans they are and the lives that they are living.  A mom and sisters that I talk to and share life with, distance doesn't matter as we support one another.  Dear friends, that I can reach out and talk to whether they are near or far. Knowing that they are vital parts of my imperfectly perfect life.  We have a roof over our heads, we have abundance in all things.  

I sort of laugh when someone asks me what I would like for Christmas.  Truthfully, I have all I need.  I am surrounded by blessings and love!

I hope all of you are opening your hearts and eyes to the blessings that surround you also!

Love and Peace...

the moments...

Feeling a bit like a kid, sitting here early this morning in the glow of the Christmas lights.  Most of the presents are wrapped and resting beneath the tree for the family here at home.  The coast kids have their boxes beneath their tree and the gifts to take south are wrapped and waiting to be loaded in the truck. I still have a few to wrap up, but nothing that cannot be done fairly quickly. I still have a week of time to work. It's all going to come together. 

I was struggling to get into the Christmas spirit this year, there is something so different, something I can't put my finger on.  It all just felt like too much.  Too much work, too much everything. I was chalking it up to the changes of the kids all truly doing their own thing for Christmas.  That isn't it though.  I am happy for them, they are all making their own traditions and memories.  I don't know what was causing the feeling, Maybe it is the fact that I do not spend much time in the public anymore, maybe it is the changes to the way I live and my priorities?

I have no idea.  But sitting here in the beauty of it all, in the calm and peacefulness.  I am happy.  My tree is full of precious memories, there is no rhyme or reason to the way I decorate it.  It is just memories.  Some make me giggle, others might cause a slight mist to come into my eyes.  I love the stories each one holds. 

We didn't put up everything.  I just didn't have the energy for it this year, probably because it is so late in the season.  Maybe next year. 

We had such a busy day yesterday, we hosted Hubs' team for a holiday gathering some lunch and time together away from the craziness that seems to fill our world at the moment.  It was wonderful to have people gathered around the table. I miss that.  I miss gathering with my team.  Laughing and talking.  It was good to be able to do it for his. 

I had planned to gather my friends together for drinks and snacks this season, but time seems to have gotten away from me.  It does that a lot lately.  Maybe I will find a day after the 25th, when the world slows a bit when people have time to simply gather.  We'll see. 

Right now, I simply feel the need to live.  I am not doing great at making plans, I don't really feel that any need to be made.  It is a space where what was is complete and behind me, and what is to come hasn't blossomed yet.  Much like a bulb that has been planted.  Gathering it's energy for the time when mother earth gives the signal that it is time to grow. 

I am fairly sure when I look back on my life many years from now, that I will see this as my time of hibernation.  A time that resets me, that changed me and allowed me to grow in a different direction.  I've had a few of those in my life.  I can remember those times clearly in my misty past, those memories are strong and powerful.  The journey and growth.  

It's time to get busy, I have at least three projects to complete today, not to mention some holiday cookies that I want to make for our trip. 

love and peace...

hurry, hurry, rush, rush...

Snuggled up by a toasty fire, coffee laced with Buffalo Trace and the sounds of a productive morning.  That is my "status" this morning. Hubs brought some of my Christmas stuff up, and shortly I will start to make the house festive and load the presents under the tree.  But for now, for this moment in time, I am going to simply be. 

I'm definitely back in the mode of enjoying my little bubble, peopling was nice, but I am rapidly finding the quiet of home suits me just perfectly. I enjoy my small group of friends and family and my me time.  I am finding that more precious every year. 

Even with my plans to make it a slower holiday season, I am finding it crazy busy.  I keep looking at the stuff I want to do and feeling like instead of shrinking it is growing out of control. Luckily it is all fun stuff.  Things that fill my bucket and make me smile.  

Although I am finding that each time I am working on a project, my mind starts to wander to other projects and I become distracted. On Monday while I was quilting my friends quilt, my mind started to wander, it took everything in me to keep my quilting style a simple meander.  What was playing in my brain was definitely not a style that would have gone well with a t-shirt quilt.  But my brain was sure fussing at me.  I have about 5 quilts cued up for the beginning of the year, those feathers can wait. 

I've been buzzing around like a bee this morning, cleaning spaces, vacuuming, laundry and the like, darn good thing I live in a house and not an apartment, neighbors would not like me at all. I have been in such a busy mode that I am getting behind on my chores.  And I have company coming tomorrow.  Definitely time to spruce the place up.  Ironically, I know have time to be organized and I am still not organized.  I do believe it is not in my nature. 

Yesterday I delivered my friends' quilt to her, we were supposed to spend the day together tomorrow, but again Miss Organization failed and double booked the day, I knew it was a Christmas gift and didn't want to risk not getting it to her before I left town for a few days. I hope they like it, I am always a bit unsure when it comes to things I design using other peoples' belongings. That's just me. 

When I dropped it off, she surprised me and warmed my heart and frankly body with a handmade gift!!  I was so stunned.  I don't believe anyone has ever made me a scarf before, ever.  I love homemade gifts, they fill my heart to overflowing.  I was so very happy to receive such a thoughtful gift.  And I definitely think I rock it!  I mean it's in my favorite colors, black and shades of gray.  It will look stunning with my new hat and black pea coat.  Now all we need is cooler temps. 

And those don't seem to be in a hurry to get here at all.  It's supposed to be 70 today.  I'm already regretting my choice of sweats and a sweatshirt.  Although I do love sitting by my fire I may end up having to open a window and cool off.  Geez, Mother Nature is definitely having some serious issues this December.

I'm gonna be a bit sporadic in writing these next 10 days or so.  So much going on, gifts to finish and wrap, baking to do, a bit of travel and somewhere I need to find time to close my eyes and rest.  I am definitely a bit on the tired side, when I get behind I tend to not sleep well.  Shoot, I just looked beside my chair and add mailing my Christmas cards they are mostly all filled out and ready to go, just need stamps.  Oh my.  They are going to be New Years wishes if I don't get with it!

I hope that everyone is focusing on the important stuff in life.  That they are going inside themselves and looking to see what they need most in life and doing that.  I am!

love and peace...

just like that...

I feel like I blinked and woke up in another time.  I completely tossed my routine out of the window this weekend.  Since Friday night life has been a busy blur.  From shopping for hours on Friday night, giving up to tornado sirens, shopping more on Saturday, then partying until the wee hours and waking up in the hotel to a beautiful view of the Arch and coming home to restart normal. It all flowed flawlessly from one place in time to the next.  Yet somehow it all feels like a blur. 

Hubs and I spent hours searching for just the right shirt or top for him to wear to the Christmas party we attended.  We both knew what we were looking for, but dang good luck finding anything classic.  We finally found him a sharp black turtle neck and some shoes to match the pants we'd found at the first shop.  Losing over fifty pounds makes it super hard to find anything in your closet.  Determined there is definitely going to be more purging of clothing come January. 

I simply wanted either a pair of low heels or a holiday sweater that wasn't going to require refinancing the house.  No luck on either count.  The shoe stores that I love have all closed up shop or switched over to a more athletic theme.  Doesn't anyone wear dressier shoes anymore?  I feel so out of touch with reality.  And sweaters, well let's just say either they were stupid expensive or borderline "hookerific" to borrow a term from my daughters younger years. 

All in all, we managed to clean up pretty nicely I believe! We had time with Hubs' coworkers and friends.  I had the opportunity to meet some new folks.  And to find out that staying off to myself so much anymore has slightly shifted my thoughts and ideals a bit. 

As we returned home yesterday and Hubs lay down for a nap, I kicked into high gear on my projects.  I needed to recenter myself, to feel normal.  I'd just spent about 18 hours socializing and engaging with people.  I honestly needed some silent time. 

People have become so intense lately.   From the man losing his mind outside of Target, because the person crossing the road wasn't moving fast enough to the oddly ironic conversations about the vax and the virus at a busy Christmas party, it felt disjointed and odd.  I felt out of place and time in both instances.

The man seemed to sum up all of the road rage, hostility and anger that is swirling around everywhere lately.  The intensity in the way he gripped the steering wheel and angry gleam in his eyes as he was screaming profanities at the person crossing the road lost in their own bubble of unawareness was surreal.  I almost imagined a director yelling cut off to the side of the scene. 

I understood his frustration, the person was wrapped up in their phone oblivious to everything around him as he crossed the road outside of any crosswalk on the dark night.  It was oddly warm and getting warmer not cooler. There was a lot of tension in the air itself, which made no sense at all until an hour or so later when the sirens started to blare. 

It's scary the way people are acting and reacting.  My imagination had them all wrapped in bubble wrap made of oblivion, dense and darkly colored.  Neither in the remotest aware of the other person and the effect their own actions and reactions were causing.  

Shortly after as the sirens started blaring people morphed again.  The fright of tornado's moving through the darkness of the night with destructive force was something you could feel in the air.  Ironically, it was a true parallel to the actions that I had witnessed just a short while before on a much grander scale. 

As the evening played out and the storm tracking stilled, the news drifting out of all the tornadoes that had danced across the region and their destructiveness became known people morphed again.  Or rather some of them did. 

People started reaching out to others, asking how they could help, offering prayers and sharing whatever they had. Shuddering in the dawning light at the destruction, at the quaint little towns laid to waste, the unknown loss of life, the waiting.  Sadly, there were still people on twitter and the like shooting off hate filled comments about politics and people deserving what happened.  I was stunned by those folks. 

My heart was lifted by the quilters all gathering together virtually, finding out that a sweet local quilt shop in the little town of Mayfield had survived the devastation that laid waste to their town with so many lives lost.  It wasn't that the shop remained, it was that the quilters from around the country had started reaching out asking if they could send quilts.  Surely those people that had lost everything needed a quilt to keep them warm. 

Quilters believe a quilt can fix any challenge in life.  And that they cared enough to reach out gave me hope. I mean honestly, I believe a quilt can fix a lot of things, but when most of these folks no longer have homes, clothing, heck even a toothbrush... many of them have lost family, their beloved pets, everything, well a quilt right now is not going to do them much good.  Although, it will remind them that someone, somewhere cared enough to help during their time of darkness and need. 

Like I said it's been a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Some of the conversations at the Christmas party had me feeling a mix of disbelief and actually some downright fear at the way peoples minds work.  The total irony of the conversation and situation not even being able to mix, similar to oil and water was completely lost on those sharing their thoughts.  It was definitely odd. 

The sun rising through the Arch over the old courthouse had me missing the beauty of working downtown so long ago.  I had enjoyed the time with others, but I was definitely ready to return to my own bubble.  To reflect and sort through my thoughts. 

While Hubs took a much needed nap, those are not hours we usually keep, I dug in and got a lot of my projects done.  It felt healing after all the "people" time of the past few days.  This morning the sun has risen bright and beautiful, I have spoken to my sister and gotten the most recent update on Legend, wow, just wow!  That boy is powering through everything, and moved to the final hall before coming home this morning!  So as I enjoy the last of my current batch of firewood, my coffee and a leisurely start to the day I am feeling full of energy and ready to tackle my quiet world. 

love and peace...

foggy with a touch of mist...

It's a dense foggy morning here in the Lou.  I'm looking out the window and feeling wrapped in an odd cocoon of gray and white, almost like a cotton ball. It makes the day feel lonely and far too quiet and still.  As I went out on the deck to take the picture I realized everything is covered in mist. It's so strange how it covers everything. The oddness of the day has very sound in my house making me a bit jumpy as a result. 

Hubs had to be in to work super early, he's doing a favor for one of his team.  He's definitely the kind of supervisor that you want to have, he goes out of his way to make their lives easier and more family centric.  One of the things I am most proud of him for.  When you work with someone that makes it feel like you are part of a team as opposed to being directed to do everything, it makes it a much better situation all around. I understand why he had to go so early, but it only makes these kind of days more sinister feeling, when they are anything but. Days like this really make me miss my boys. Their calmness would have had me far less jumpy. Thankfully, he chatted with me on his entire drive to work. 

I know that the noises are outside, the wind pushing branches, the neighbors opening and closing doors in the dense mist. They are things like the heater kicking on and rattling the duct work and my plants that are too close to the vents.  It's strange the tricks your mind can play on you when its creepy and foggy out. 

My imagination has already drummed up someone or something in the attic, wondering if the house has suddenly become haunted or a million other things.  It's craziness in real time.  Could be a bit of sleep deprivation also, as I woke up around three this morning and couldn't drift back to sleep.  My brain started on high gear telling me to get busy on my stack of projects. 

I'm actually just taking a coffee and chat with my sister break.  In a few I will head back upstairs to finish a few small projects and spend the rest of the day quilting.  

There is such a strange feeling to life right now, nothing feels normal.  I really can't explain it.  I constantly think of things I want or need to do, but then I don't feel that I should do them.  Its so weird. I mean, I still haven't decorated for Christmas, at all!  And my kitchen is literally covered in boxes, wrapping paper and presents waiting for me to finish wrapping them.  I have a feeling that I won't decorate until this weekend.  I am afraid to carry things on the stairs, out of fear of falling, and the darn things will not bring themselves up. 

I might be taking the need to hibernate a bit too seriously.  I have no idea. I am sure it has more to do with feeling overwhelmed right now.  I don't understand why, but I am definitely feeling overwhelmed.  I also don't do clutter well and right now my world feels very cluttered.  Or maybe it is because the more of it I clean out, the more I find that I want to clean out.  I'm simply not sure. I know when I cleaned the bedroom and did the ironing at 330 this morning, I felt more focused and wanted to do more tasks.  Maybe the clutter of all these projects is causing me to feel overwhelmed.  Anyone else feel that way?

Well, I guess I should dig into the "clutter" which is actually just a ton of unfinished projects and head up to my sewing room.  

love and peace... 

the inside voice...

Yikes, the sun is already blasting through the window. I have been way too busy with everything else this morning, time has definitely gotten away from me.  Oddly, it feels refreshing though.  I've been chatting with friends both local and across the pond. I spent time drinking coffee and wrapping presents with the Hubs and planning some time and events with friends.  I would definitely say I haven't wasted the last four hours, I simply can't believe how fast the time has gone. 

It feels odd for the fireplace to be empty this morning, even though the wood is stacked in front of it, but I have too much to do that can't be accomplished in front of the fire. I asked Hubs to not build one.  I have a few more gifts that must be wrapped so they are ready to mail today, I'm simply not trusting the mail service.  Some days its super reliable, other's... I think they route it via China and back.  Better safe than sorry.

Today, will find me mostly hanging out in my sewing room, I promised a friend a quilt and I need to get with it.  It isn't going to take a lot of time, but it will take all the time in the world if I don't get with it. As I was chatting with her yesterday it dawned on me how very soon the holidays will sneak up on us.  

I have photographed all of the projects to add to my website.  It's not going to happen anytime soon, because I am swamped at the moment, frankly I'm planning ahead for 2022.  So now everything can be wrapped, labeled and marked off of my holiday list.  And the dreaded to - do list.  

I was watching a video last night, it's theme has popped up in different forms for me a lot lately and I believe that it's time for me to hear the words and learn them.  The theme is that "no one is coming".  I guess that could be negative if that were the entire context, but it isn't.  

No one is coming to make me do the things I want and need to do with my life.  And I feel I am not the only one that is subconsciously waiting for that someone to show up and force me to... well adult. 

No one is making me shower and get dressed daily, I will admit to getting wrapped up in my projects and forgetting to do that.  Realizing at 3 pm or later that I am still happily roaming my house in my pj's, deeply engrossed in whatever got my attention that morning.  Also realizing that when I get up, shower, put on clothing and face the day head on that I am more energetic and focused. The dangers of not working outside the house any longer.

No one is going to make me do my exercises that will help me heal.  And by heal I am not simply referring to my knee, but to my whole body.  The body that suffered a great deal from my previous lifestyle.  And those exercises don't just heal the body, but they lift you up mentally and emotionally.  I find that when Hubs is too busy to walk, that I am easily self-enticed to not go on my own.  The truth is no one can give me that motivation, it has to be internal. 

No one is showing up to force me to make good and healthy food choices, I do that myself.  For many years I didn't.  Too busy, too distracted, too... well you get the picture. I also do some of it for Hubs, but it is entirely up to him if he is going to follow through and make those choices for himself. 

No one is going to show up and create my business plan and my website, I have to.  These are my dreams that are on the line, no one else. Hubs can support and influence, but I have to be the lead.

This line of reasoning can apply to most everything in our lives... careers, finances, relationships, spirituality, knowledge, pretty much any goal that you set for yourself it comes down to you. Sure you can pay someone to do the surface stuff, but beyond that it's you. 

So you can see where I am going with this right?  Subconsciously, it is easy to fall into routines.  It is easy to decide that this or that can wait.  To feel like big things won't feel so big if you don't think about them for a while.  When the reality is, they not only stay big, but get bigger when you ignore them.  When you wait for someone or something to step in and do the big things. The tough things.  I believe a lot of times we as humans are simply uncomfortable with the silence that has to surround the resolve to create change. We are uncomfortable stepping into the unknown, so we sit in the comfort of the known. All the while waiting for that shove from someone else. When the true solution is we, ourselves, show up. 

Like I said this keeps showing up for me in many forms.  I firmly believe that the universe is trying to get me to stop and think things through.  To encourage me to take control of situations and move it forward. So many little bits are already coming together.  I am trying to tackle them all like one would eat the proverbial elephant, one bite at a time.  I am finding by breaking things into smaller pieces I am able to see the bigger pictures without pushing myself back into that "comfort zone" out of fear of the unknown. 

Anyone else feeling they need to become more self-sufficient?  Because I feel like that is what it is telling me.  I am not a Nike fan, never have been, but there old ad campaign of "Just do It" sure seems to apply here. 

Motivation can only be self-driven.  I'm choosing to lean into self... and with that I'm off to get back to "work".

love and peace...