Monday, June 17, 2013

He didn't have to be...

Garden not in - check, laundry not done - check, floor not vacuumed - check... wow based on the usual to do list, I did absolutely nothing this weekend.  So why do I feel so accomplished?  Why does it feel like I am rested and relaxed?  Especially knowing all that stuff is waiting for me?

Maybe because instead my list looked something more like this... quality family time - check, quilted hubby's quilt - check, worked on needlepoint gift - check, cuddled my dogs - check, listened to the rain - check.  Not the usual list, a better list.  I feel like I am a bit more ready to face the week.

Oh the house isn't clean, I can tackle that this morning, I didn't accomplish much of anything that I normally feel validates my life.  And yet surprisingly I feel ... I guess calm, relaxed, refreshed.  I need to reevaluate my life.

Yesterday, I stumbled onto some old songs that make my heart both happy and sad.  Songs that have meaning in my life.  I always tease hubby about the amount of music he always plays, he always has something on.  I love music too, but as we have different tastes, and I don't care for most of the stuff out there now I just listen to whatever he is listening too.  He is more of a smooth jazz guy.  Don't get me wrong, I completely enjoy smooth jazz, but I am a country girl.  And I truly love the older stuff be it country, big band, the Rat Pack.... it's a pretty extensive list.  For me songs have deep meanings, I guess that is why I love country so much.

Grampa and his Angel!
While I was thinking about father's day yesterday.  And looking for the song Daddy's Hands - which always makes me think of my Dad.  I came across another song. One that resonates so loudly with me and so many I love.  He didn't have to be - Brad Paisley is kind of a soundtrack to large parts of my life.

In the perfect world each of us marries our sweetie when we are young, we have our children, we grow old together and never meet the struggles of starting over, of blending families, of all the things that make that not the case.

Me... I am bull headed and stubborn (no idea where my kids get that trait), and I chose a different path.  Couple of times. And each time my kids were blessed.  My beautiful daughter often points out that she has had three dad's.  When my ex decided he had fallen in love and walked away, my son and I were blessed that hubby was there.  Each time my kids and I were most vulnerable, I was blessed.  At each point I was in my life, there was a man that didn't have to be, that did. 

My hubby had the most amazing Dad.  It will always be a mystery as to why they are mirror images of each other, but when he was ten that man rescued him and loved him into adulthood.  He was the driving force in shaping the gentle teddy bear that I love with all my heart.  I can never tell him thank you, but I like to think he knows that I know he didn't have to be, but did.  He raised him to be an amazing person, and a great daddy....

My niece just got married this month.  I don't know her husband, I've never met him.  But I am praying that he will be an amazing daddy to her sweet little boy, the daddy he didn't have to be but signed up for the job just the same.

The Cousins!
I remember back to when my sister got remarried, and her little doll of a daughter stood up there proud beside my brother in law, he didn't have to be... but he did.  That little girl just graduated college.  And I am not sure who was prouder, Mom or him.  Her father was there, but he had not been half the daddy my brother in law had been.

Then once more I watched one of the men in our lives step up to be the daddy he didn't have to be.  My sister found the perfect Dad for her little boy.  His bio dad flits in and out of the picture - when it is convenient, but his Dad - he's been there all along.  Taught him to drive, hunt, be a good man.  Had his hands full... he didn't have to be, but he did.

Our girls and Matt at Dad's birthday
That song is so powerful to me.  Because it celebrates those wonderful Dad's.  The ones that didn't have to, the ones that saw the challenge ahead of them and not only rose to it, but rose above it.  My sweet hubby wrapped his arms around me and my babies, he's paced the floor with me during crisis, while waiting for our grand baby to be born, shared the excitement of graduations and moments of sheer pride.  He's always understood my need to be a mom to my babies, understood when I cried because of hurt, and dried my tears and helped me laugh about it all...

Maybe that is why I am feeling so calm... I took the time to remember what I am grateful for... Maybe I am slowing down and remembering that I do have a great life and I need to enjoy it more...