Sunday, June 9, 2013

Filling up my vessel...

"Rest and self-care are so important.When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel."  That was the first thing I read this morning.  Sitting here basking in the sunrise through the stained glass with my cup of coffee.  I do not function well without that morning coffee.

It really resonated with me.  Lately it has felt like I am burning my candle in so many places that there is no spot to even grab hold of the candle anymore.  I have felt like I am trying to serve from an empty vessel.  I am a nurturer by nature.  I feel best when I am taking care of my family.  I often forget to take care of me.  I will push off the opportunity to have some downtime when someone needs something.

I have agreed to do haircuts when I am dead dog tired.  When all my brain is screaming for is sleep.  Because it is needed. I usually end up with my feelings hurt in the end. I will mow someones lawn or make a dish for someone else in need, when I don't even have time to take care of my own home and needs. I am rarely on the receiving end of anyone stepping up to help me.

I am not immature enough to think that it isn't my fault.  I don't do well communicating my needs.  I am not sure if I was raised to simply soldier through, or if it is a learned behavior.  Or maybe it is genetic.  I simply keep my needs to myself. Then get hurt and angry when I am not included or someone didn't notice I needed some support. Once I slow down enough to reflect I wonder if I let my needs be known.  Had I asked for help or support?  Or just assumed that others would see the need and fill it?

I do have a strong support group - my immediate family and a few super close, dear friends that try so hard to make me listen, when they see I am hurting myself with my stubbornness. With my insistence that I am super woman, someone that doesn't need to slow to preserve myself. 

Lately, I have noticed a strong negativity in myself.  I am quick to annoy and I just don't seem to have any patience.  These are not normal traits for me.  This is not how I function. I am usually positive and fairly calm. I think I am getting scorch marks, singed at the edges. It might be getting close to me needing some down time, correction it is getting past time for me to have some downtime.

I am feeling a strong need to step back, refocus and regroup.  Maybe I need to fill that vessel up, maybe that is why that spoke so strongly to me...

Hubby is in the kitchen, sounds like he is making his biscuits.  They are so warm and fluffy, soul mending kind of treats. I think it's time to sit still, enjoy breakfast with my sweetie and then simply flow with the day...