I have been pondering that a lot lately. Why do I do what I do, live where I live, have the job that I have, just what is my WHY? I watch Glenn Beck, I know plenty of folks think he's a nut job, or a hate monger or what ever else he is being labeled at the moment. I personally have watched him for a long time, since he was on CNN, and while there are times that I think he's gone nuts, most of the time I value the time I listen to him, because he makes me think.
I like when I am challenged to think outside the box, to research, to delve deeper into things that intrigue me or cause me to have a question about something. I like being asked to consider things and to not believe the person talking is telling me the gospel. I am a questioning, searching soul so it fits for me. We all have people we like and our reasons for liking them, I try not to judge others for their choices and I expect the same about mine.
That being said, I am completely thrilled with the path he's taken this year. It's about starting at the ground level, it's about being more than we think we are, about community and about the "why". These things are causing me to think, to ponder, to question.
What is my personal "why". I am not sure what it is, I am still digging for that answer. I know that yesterday I started out under a very dark cloud. I was not in a good place and I was hating. Those are not things that normally fit in my life, and they didn't fit yesterday, I allowed them to happen to me. I also know that after sitting down, taking a deep breath, drinking a cup of coffee and refocusing my day became wonderful!
I don't know what my "why" is, but I have a feeling that it involves creating, nurturing and sharing. Maybe that is why I do the job I do. Because even though there are days that I hate it beyond words, that you couldn't make me go back if you dragged me through the door, I always go back. When things are the bleakest I go back because I have the opportunity each day to change a life. It isn't my goal for the rest of my life, eventually I will have my small piece of the dream, but it is okay for now, it is a stepping stone. Yesterday I was able to walk away from work and focus on what was important to me.
My "why" is probably more closely linked to how yesterday went than to how my average day is. It amazed me how quickly I was able to re-center myself when I moved into the things that were important to me.
I spent the day doing things that had value to me. Making jerky for both my boys and the family, knitting on the sweater that I am making Mom for her milestone birthday this month, catching up on my "shows", spending hours with my daughter and then getting spend hours with my grand daughter, teaching my grand baby how to make jerky and delighting in making hot cocoa with her. It's incredible how things like that bring focus and clarity to me. That sweet little angel telling me "Gramma you know how to do everything!" when she realized that hot cocoa could be made without a packet and the jerky was something you didn't have to go to the store for was so wonderful! Those are moments that I cherish. That I can help her realize a trip to the store is not always the solution then I consider it mission accomplished!
While she was watching TV and drinking her hot cocoa she caught a glimpse of the soaps I have made, ready to sell, a minute of two later she had found her favorite scent Ylang-Ylang and was questioning if she could have another bar and a bath. How can you say no to that?
My "why" appears to be very family centered, and I am really okay with that! Especially as my family and home bring me so much joy and relaxation! As this year progresses I will definitely be exploring the "why" of my life a bit harder, I am focused on a few course corrections, but those are okay as long as they help me live my life more for the sake of my "why"....
My sweet grand baby is back and tonight she is staying! I am so excited, because the older she gets the less time she has to hang out with Gramma and Grampa... so tonight I will squeeze in a bit more knitting and a TON of loving on a princess... Tomorrow I will think more about my "'why"...
By the way, what's your "why"?