Saturday, January 2, 2016
the battle begins...
Today, there is a battle going on.
My inner alchemist is screaming for release. I bought all the supplies to make some soaps, my own deodorant, bath soak and I have yet to complete the sunscreen (it's been on the drawing board for almost two years now). The counter is cleared and I have finally found all the supplies and materials. It's peaceful and I have the time.
My inner seamstress is dying to set her fingers to several projects. One will resurrect the past for someone, the other will bring precious memories alive forever to another. All the supplies are there, and I have time.
I have two different pairs of wristers partially completed, a sweater that has been waiting for two winters now, and some beautiful sock yarn that is beckoning me every time I sit down, peeking softly, teasingly from the yarn bin across from where I sit typing.
I "should" take down my Christmas decorations, remove the festivities and return to normal. I know I "should". After all it is January, and well... work does get a bit busy with all those resolutions. I have no commitments today, I have the time.
Then there is that pesky little voice inside my head, the one that struggles all the time to keep me on track, focused, moving forward. That little voice feels like a kettle drum in my head, it's screaming at me to spend some time making lists, planning things out, getting them written down. A budget for the year, a monthly menu, my craft goals, my health goals, my home making goals. I can almost hear the pencil scratching on the paper as I type. It's reminding me to write down the addresses of everyone so I can remember to send Christmas Cards (like that seriously happens - this years are still in the box with the list and stamps sitting on top of them). It's nearly bellowing that I need to write down my 2016 goals - to remind me.
I also want to go through the closets for gently used clothes, shoes etc. Several schools are collecting for the people that have suffered so much from the flooding. I feel it would be good. It would make a difference.
The thing is...
I rarely have these days, these moments of silence with nothing pressing on the schedule. Normally my days off are filled to capacity, the must do's taking priority, followed immediately by the should do's and both always out weighing the wanna do's.
I feel frozen.
I am sitting here, reflecting, relaxing and seriously contemplating the unheard of... a nap!
And it isn't that I haven't already been pampered today, I have. Hubs and I watched the newest episode of Sherlock - FYI - you really shouldn't have to wait over a year to find out what happens next.
We tidied the kitchen and removed some items for the thrift shop. And I only got distracted by the cute little squirrel munching on the oats we set out a few times. Of course that is one of the reason that voice is yelling in my brain. Feels I should also organize the pantry. Seriously, has it not yet realized that I do NOT suffer from OCD? You would think it had after residing inside my brain for over 50 years.
And then Hubs spoiled me a bit more with a hot soak designed to ease the pains that sometimes builds up (I might still be holding a grudge against that tick - 19 years later). Hot tub, hot tea, the last of the season's carols and a candle burning. Pretty sure it couldn't get better.
Am I frozen because I am simply one person? Too many decisions? Too many wanna's without the must do's to balance it out? Bills paid, laundry done (although I do still need to iron), dinner hours away...
I have a challenge with priorities. You see all of my wanna's tie into my goals for 2016. And I have learned that when I don't write things down, I don't achieve things. As you can tell I am easily distracted.
I have already determined that 2016 is going to be a selfish year for me. I need to focus on me. Not that Hubs or the kiddo's aren't going to be important, or thrown to the wayside. But I really do need to get back to basic's.
This year I am going to try very hard to not let life distract me, but to live it to the fullest. Put those wanna's at the top of the list, not the if I can squeeze it in. I have had a bit of a head start on it in 2015. Hubs and I have been weeding out stuff that was filling up bits. Things we were holding on to, well... because (doesn't everyone do that?)...
This is the year that things that are important to me, become truly important. Some are professional, many more are personal.
It sounds so passe' to say that I want to lose weight. While that is an added benefit, mostly I want to be true to myself. I don't like to eat things that have a list of ingredients, I want to eat the real ingredients, but often I do just the opposite, time is short and I haven't planned. In the end, it's an unhealthy, usually over priced, under flavored bit of something and I call it dinner. Then I wonder why I feel sluggish and run down. Why too many times I can't find an outfit that is flattering or even tasteful. Although, truth is, even thin - I am a jeans and t-shirt/sweatshirt kind of gal.
When we moved and I cleaned out my old sewing room, I unearthed a ton of projects, sitting there dejected and unfinished. Time had gotten away from me, I got busy with the must and should do's. I am starting to see a theme here.
Without a list, without a plan, something in writing that I can look at I don't function well. Even my precious blog took a back seat. I allow life to lift me up and drag me along, like a rudderless ship.
Guess I sort of answered my own questions huh? I think that I shall start on my soap and deodorant while I type up my list. I will have time while they cook and who knows... I might even have time to get some of that stitching done too! It's only 1:25 pm... the day is young...
Who knows what pictures I will share tomorrow... ready, set, GO!