I seem to be stuck in one of those today. And the amount of sadness it causes me is unreal.
I don't pretend to be perfect, Lord knows that would cause a lightening bolt or two in my direction.
And I certainly don't always make the right decisions or say all the right things in the heat of a moment. In fact chances are far more likely that I will blow it. I often let my emotions run hog wild with my brain. I try not to, I truly do, but well... that's just who I am.
And inevitably I end up somewhere in the middle of an emotional mess. And the part of me that wants everything right, peachy and wonderful. Well it simply doesn't do well with that.
I never intentionally hurt anyone. I would never say anything that could cause someone pain. Because I never want someone to do that to me.
Today started so awesome. A good night's sleep, the sparkle in Hub's blue eyes, and laughter. I was sure looking forward to today.
Then a misstep here, a misstep there... And I will be thankful to put my head on my pillow and give up.
I'm sitting here listening to the turtle fountain and the whirring of the washer. The dryer just chimed to let me know it's done and I'm eating a leftover smoothie and a bowl of rice for dinner. I sure don't like to cook for one.
Hubs is off doing Hubs stuff with the guys. It's been planned for about a week. As this isn't a normal thing in our lives it feels awkward and strained. Drawing out and already too long and bitter day.
Hubs and I are best friends. I look for him in my day more than anyone else. And I have often been accused of shutting others out in favor of him. I was very blessed the day he came into my life. I honestly felt the other half of me being found.
He and I are often amazed because we think so much alike. So when we aren't firing on all cylinders, it is miserable.
Every couple has moments. We aren't the exception. It's rare. And usually over something incredibly stupid. One of us overly tired, frustrations with work, or ex's... it doesn't make it easier.
I think I am going to wash the dishes, put on my jammies and do a bit of knitting while I watch the X-Files. And wait for this full moon, my smart mouth and hurt feelings to pass away...