Sunday, January 10, 2016

sipping coffee...

It's been a whirlwind 24 hours.  Just one day ago it was chaos, rushing to walk the boys before the snow that was supposed to fall, cleaning up the car in hopes of selling her, and so much on my to do list, I felt like I was stealing the minutes I took to write.

Fast forward 24 hours... I am sitting here listening to what is probably one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.  It's heart wrenching and a blessing all in one. When I'm Gone.  Recorded a few years ago, video done long before the song became the story of their life.  When I read Rory's words yesterday tears rolled done my face, I understood.  God was taking care of them long before it was needed, knowing he will need this song and the ability to replay it for years to come.

My coffee is steamy and the sun is cresting over the city bright and promising.  Not sure what it is promising though.  As it is bitterly cold.  Hard to believe it was 50 on Friday.  It's a sultry 6 degrees out here in the Valley Park/Manchester area.  Even the boys weren't impressed this morning.  Fastest walk of the winter, who knew that old guy could move that fast?

As I have been sipping my coffee, I've been scrolling through Ravelry, searching for the perfect next pattern. I always hit a strange slump in January.  It might be why I am stalling so badly about taking down the Christmas decorations.  I don't know if I am ready to let the real world back in.  I spend months getting ready for Christmas, I plan, I stitch, knit, crochet, make soaps and salts.  I love nothing more than to give a homemade gift. It means I love you enough to take the time to plan and work on a gift that I pray you will treasure.

When January comes, it's like a vacuum.  At least to my artistic side, it takes me a week or two to get back into the groove.  Some of that is that I also look at January as a clean slate, just like I do with September. They have always been my natural reset points.  January is the biggest on the personal side.  It's where I sit down and take account of where I am, and where I want to be on December 31.  It's where I naturally start the things that have been stewing in my brain during all those peaceful hours of thought while my fingers are working on all of the gifts I love making.  I am afraid that I sometimes terrify myself with the goals I set.

September is much more low key, and I am sure it echo's back to when my kids were small and heading back to school.  It's when I always focus in on home and hearth.  I like to do fall cleaning, who cares about spring cleaning?  I just detailed the house in January.  Besides, when they were little there was a lot of summer fun that needed to be removed to get us ready for my favorite stretch of time fall and the holidays! It's also when I get my brain wrapped up in the upcoming gifting season.

So today finds me looking around sadly.  In this bright sunshine today the house will lose it's sparkle and glitter of the holidays.  It will be cleaned and polished for the coming year.  It was the game plan yesterday, I planned to remove all the decorations, make a menu for the week, do my weekly shopping, etc.

Instead, we sold my Emily.  Yep, I cried like a little baby.  Stupid, sure.  But it wasn't just a car, it represented the kind of love my Hubs shows me every day.  He bought it for me, because it made me happy.  It made me smile.  My favorite picture is my sweet Grand baby standing behind the wheel on her first birthday, the day I brought it home. I know it was the best thing we could do, and the young man that took her home is going to love and cherish her and drive her.  Hubs and I went to look at a car, and after a few hiccups (yeah, lets go with that) we found the perfect little second car at an unbelievable price.  Now neither of us will be stranded or forced to work long days sacrificing our quality of life nor having to borrow from my girl and potentially messing up her plans.

We went out to dinner with the girl and kids, it was the perfect ending to a day that didn't go at all as planned.  As I sat soaking in my big old tub filled with steamy water and the  lavender scented body detox I made, trying to get this silly knee to feel better, I felt surrounded with contentment and love.  I felt perfectly happy.

My life isn't perfect, I have the same stresses, worries, fears as everyone else.  There are many days that are too long and many dreams that are sometimes delayed for far too long. I simply choose to live in my silver lining.  I am blessed with a Hubby that I love and cherish, and he loves me back just as much.  Children and Grand children that I could not even imagine my life without.  They are my heart.  Even when far away the hugs when they are close are enough to carry me through until the next one.

Are you living in your silver lining? What is it?