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| This morning |
I love winter. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing that makes my heart sing like a deep, bright, white blanket of snow. The kind that instills a deep silence, that makes everything have a heavenly glow. Unfortunately... we simply didn't get much of that. The trees only bowed briefly, the ground soft and fluffy. The world frozen for a moment in time. Instead... we got a lot of cold, blustery winds and a ton of dreary, lifeless browns. Persephone was truly resting in Hades. The only brightness or beauty were the few stolen days with a beautiful blue sky and sunshine, the blue birds, blue jays and cardinals brought a brief respite also.
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| Three weeks ago... |
My favorite seasons are spring and fall, by a long shot. I don't believe I have SADD, but I do believe the dreariness causes me to feel very sad.
This morning it took a bit longer for "morning" to arrive, thanks to daylight savings time, and the fact that the fog was so thick London and Seattle would be so proud! There is a constant rain. Tiny and almost invisible, the kind that doesn't really drench you, but makes you damp to the bone. Falling gently, persistently.
It appears to affect Hubs and I a bit differently. He's bundled in a fleece jacket, jeans and hat sitting in the garage smoking a cigar. Almost seems to be hibernating. He's a tad on the grumpy side and sort of growling at the world. Internet is being squirrely (ironically it is no doubt due to the squirrels) and he gets bored easily.
Me on the other hand... well after a long week of work, an unexpected day spent outside on the parking lot and a ton of stuff to actually get done (both work and home)... I am sitting here sipping my smoothie (got my new blender Friday!) trying to "talk" myself into doing those chores.
But... I really just want to plant my flower boxes full of peas and radishes in this soggy wet fog. I am imagining their sweet goodness, if the squirrels are able to be kept at bay.
I want to go out front and ravish those ugly long neglected box woods. Tear them out at their roots. Expose the earth in front of the house for beautiful flowers that love the partial shade it seems to always be bathed in. The norfolk pine, also long neglected and abused really needs to go. I loved it initially, but seeing it daily, with the majority of it chopped away carelessly to accommodate the fact that it was planted far too close to the house, it looks awkward and odd. Almost half dead.
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| Do you see me hiding? |
I would love to spend the day walking in the drizzly rain. It reminds me so much of the time I spent in Germany as a teen and adult. I saw many of Europe's great wonders through this type of misty rain. I long to go to the zoo, walk without the crowds. Not caring if my hair gets wet, my glasses spotted or the cuffs of my pants get damp. Just to enjoy the walk.
This type of early spring rain feels like it cleanses away the stress the winter puts on me. It makes me feel alive and vibrant. Even the ache in my knee isn't making me as gloomy. As I prepared our smoothies this morning, I was tempted to leave out the greens. To simply make it a fruit smooth, bright and cheery.
The dawn of spring is so life giving. The smell of the earth, getting my hands dirty in soil. Preparing for the beauty. I even have more energy. Which is darn good, because I have not been hitting my 10,000 steps a day. Some of that is this stupid knee, some of it is exhaustion, some... well let's be honest, some is simply laziness!
I have a lot going on at work right now, so my mornings are spent rushing around between therapy (not even accomplished every day consistently), getting dogs walked, lunches packed, smoothies made, and honestly I am usually trying to iron work clothes at the last minute. All before I have to leave for a 40 minute commute. Not gonna lie, that kills me! I hate to drive, and hate it even more that it is so long, but I don't want to give up what I am doing in the city nor do I want to move from my beautiful home (my castle). So I'm still stuck in the middle for a bit.
By the time I remember that I really should go home, it's time to start the cycle in reverse again. Walk the boys, cook dinner, clean up, and here is where I really should get more exercise or do something I enjoy, but what I usually do is crash. I sit brain dead beside Hubs, willing myself to stay awake for another hour or two.
I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I have nothing left to offer. Heck way too often dinner isn't even cooked. We either go out or don't eat (nice options - NOT). And when I have to be at work until 9, chances are Hubs is either grazing on unhealthy, grabbing a sandwich, or something else even worse for his waistline.
Between his hip replacements and the moderate/severe arthritis diagnosis for this stupid knee, both of us seriously need to be healthier. I am not doing well with the instruction to take medicine twice a day (I HATE medicine!). Maybe this additional hour of sunlight will help! Time to start considering replacing our bikes, time for longer walks, time to even squeeze in some water aerobics at the Y. As the days get longer and warmer maybe I will tackle a bit of a garden again (except for those poacher squirrels).
Hmmm... I might just plant a few radishes and peas today...
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