Do you ever feel frozen? Like your to do list is insurmountable and you simply cannot figure out where to start to accomplish everything that is begging for your attention? That is me... actually that is me most days. It's not a rare thing, for me it is an everyday occurrence. In fact it is the first thing on my New Years Resolution list, every year!
It isn't for lack of desire, I crave organization. I just seem to be missing that gene from my DNA. Both of my children are super organized and orderly, something they must have inherited from their father and also something they must have grown into as adults, because I remember them when they were young. I envy people that can make a to do list daily and actually see it to the end, the ones that always know exactly what is in the pantry and have menu plans ready for the week. Folks that don't wake up at night in terror over what they might have forgotten to accomplish that was critical, or so it seemed at two am.
It also isn't for lack of trying. I have calendars - paper and electronic - thank you very much. I carry a notebook with my to do lists in them. I have filing systems in place. And I am always running a mile behind trying to keep things orderly.
And the worst thing is I feel like I am getting more organizationally challenged each year. Or is it simply all the things that I feel I need to do and keep putting into the "I will get to it pile" is creating an "I will get to it - landfill" and I can't seem to get organized enough to tackle it?
I fear that because I was a military brat/spouse for most of my life and I was always faced with the upcoming move, I had a natural forced point that I had to get organized by. I couldn't just carry it to the basement and plan to deal with it later. Later always came in the form of a shipping box and over weight limit charges back then. Now that I live in a stable home, going on 10 years now, I don't feel that overwhelming force and making myself do it simply because it is driving me nuts does not seem to have the same effect as that old moving van did.
I have all the standard excuses, they are pretty much the same ones you would use to describe the multitude of reasons not to exercise. You know the ones, I'm too busy, I have to work, I am exhausted, I don't have time, no one to help me, no support, no energy... wow, that is a well rehearsed list isn't it?
Some of those things are true for a variety of reasons, most are simply excuses. I do work a lot of hours, sadly I am as organizationally challenged there as I am at home and that just makes me feel more frozen in place. To be disorganized on all fronts is rather daunting! At work I am in the process of trying to accomplish several huge and critical tasks at the same time and the feeling of disorganization is at the moment insurmountable.
Today I am feeling an overpowering need to focus on tying up loose ends and creating a plan. I am facing a weekend that doesn't have anything attached to it, no requirement to go to work, no trips to see children, no events that need my participation. All those factors are telling me that it is time to face the music and get with it.
I get easily distracted from my path, I would far rather be creating something and even when I have the best of intentions a fiber, paint, wood, garden, lye, fabric... oh my see what I mean? The distraction that comes from creating is hard for me to overcome...
I think this weekend will be a great time for me to start chasing away the cobwebs, to getting more organized, to start thawing out the insanity in my head so that I can focus on the great things that I have already decided are in store for me in 2013. It's time to roll up the sleeves and make that serious to do list, the one that is always being filled up with fluff to make it easier to feel a sense of accomplishment, on both the home and work fronts.
They say you can eat an elephant one bite at a time... Now that thought alone is enough to return me to being a vegetarian, but I like the premise. Maybe I should look at it from a different perspective, maybe I should remember that you can move a lot of compost one shovel at a time. And the end result is so rewarding.