I'm a cold weather lover, I cherish it. Or I used to. This year is wearing me out! My boys too! We are rapidly pushing the end of April and it's still hovering down in the 30's at night and bitter cold wind all day. It's hobbling our Neeko, his poor busted up foot is giving him grief from the cold making it hurt.
I am fairly certain this is the first time in my life that I've agreed with the statement - let's retire to the south. Forever and a day I have fought that mentality, wishing for a home further north, with deep snow and four very distinct seasons. After this year. With minimal snow and days on end of just bone deep cold... hmmm... south is looking pretty darn good.
A lot of things are looking pretty darn good, and I know that it's simply where I am right now in my life.
I know that I am still working through the shock of losing my father. I know that I am dealing with a dire need to get away. And each time I think I've found the perfect week for Hubs and I to check out and work on getting our legs under us again something comes along and destroys it. I really need that time. I could take it on my own, but that is not what I need. I need time for the two of us. I need for us to be able to reconnect and gain our balance.
It's been a rough year.
I'm fairly certain that is the reason that I am struggling. My focus is off. It's like trying to look through glasses that are smeared with grease while walking on legos in stocking feet.
Maybe it's astrological, I've heard that Mercury has finally left retrograde, and it seems that puts some seriously negative energy out there.
I don't know.
What I do know is that I am longing for the days when we had our place in Sullivan. Where the phones didn't work and we could disappear for days on end. Where the most critical decisions that we had to make involved fishing before showering or showering first. A time when we could curl up and nap when we got tired and stay up all night playing cards if that is what we felt like doing. No interruption from the outside world. We'd always leave those weeks or weekends feeling refreshed, energized and bit out of touch. It was heavenly.
It's been a really long time since we did that. And it seems like the world is just getting crazier, more off balance, and far creepier than ever. The more "in-touch" and instant we have gotten the worse things are.
I'm watching far too many people forget to laugh, go out for a nice meal and watch families sit and stare at their phones (we are guilty too). Conversations are no longer about good, positive, upbeat things. Almost everywhere you turn there are televisions - mostly set to the news - and people absorbed in the brainwashing.
Each time I blink I am seeing someone else I know suddenly become unemployed. I feel like the world is becoming increasingly a place that you cannot put your trust or faith in. I worry. Are they prepared for that? Have they been saving? Do any of us do a great job at preparing for the unexpected anymore? I don't think Hubs and I do, in fact, that is something we are working on changing. We are working on becoming prepared for whatever life throws at you. I can assure you, this year makes me realize that changes happen suddenly and harshly.
This journey that I am currently on is rocky and unstable. I like smooth waters, maybe that is why I have't gone on a white water rafting trip. I keep expecting another set of rapids that I am not prepared for. I had to do a "test" for work, and I got the results not too long ago. It was pretty darn spot on.
It's also been a bit unsettling, because I am not a risk taker, I hate risks. And that is the only part that keeps playing in my mind. That I need to take more risks and chances. Out of over 10 pages, that is what is resonating.
What is the universe trying to tell me? What am I missing... besides rest.
Well, it's time to bundle up and head out into this day. Put a smile on my face and find the energy to be present.
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