finding peace...

I'm curled up in my wing back chair.  My beautiful bay windows that look out into the mini-forest behind me, reflect the drenched trees and flowers from this mornings rain.  My coffee is hot and fresh, one of my favorite blends.  My sweet old man is curled up on his pillow by the fireplace and I am almost thinking a small fire to take the chill out of the air would be heavenly.  Here in the warm glow of the light, I feel at home.  I feel happy.

Hubs is in the other room, flipping between movies for something to catch his attention.  I am not sure how he can manage to lose himself in television and movies.  I guess it's similar to me losing myself in a good book or crafting project.  I simply don't have the patience for it myself.

Yesterday while still at Trout Lodge we were doing a team building exercise in one of the groups I am part of.  I felt sick to my stomach when someone suggested saying our favorite movie... That one always gets me.  I am not sure I have one. Then I spend all my time trying to think of one.  No, not something that makes me calm at all...

I am feeling lazy today.  I have a million things to do and no energy to do any of them.  The pollen down at Trout has me battling some serious allergy issues. The weather being unable to decide if it is going to be hot or cold is making my fibro scream!

I am sitting here curled up, sipping coffee and just relaxing.  It's not something I do often so it feels foreign.  I feel a bit guilty.  I often wonder if I have gotten so caught up in "doing", that I have forgotten what not doing or simply doing what I want feels wrong.  

Tomorrow we are supposed to go to Mansfield.  I want to.  It's been on my to do list for several years. Unfortunately, I think we might have to skip it.  If two days in Potosi was enough to make my eyes swell, I am terrified what a full day further south around all of those plants will do to me.  And the temperature changes are causing too much pain.  It will have to wait until next year.  I am not feeling up to a three hour drive each direction.

When we arrived home yesterday, I went out to check on my planters.  Need to plant the second batch of radishes this weekend and plant a few more cowpea seeds.  It looks like 3 or 4 of them did not sprout.  I also want to get the rest of the planters filled and planted. Maybe start my potatoes.  I am not sure if any of that will happen with all the rain.  It's not much fun to stand out there in this swirly dark gray green yuck and plant.

Need to do a bit of research on how to prevent squirrels from getting to my little container garden. There were definite squirrel holes in one of my radish pots.  Those little buggers are so destructive! They ate all my hyacinth bulbs, evidently they must taste fabulous to them, as the only reminder they existed are a few random layers that they left behind, sort of like layers of onions.

I was hoping the sun would creep through the clouds, pushing aside all of the rain and dreariness.  I would love to go for a nice long ride on Hubs new Harley.  To soak up the fresh air and enjoy snapping pictures.

As that is not going to happen today, I am going with plan "b", which truthfully should be plan "a".  I am going to work on the baby quilt that I haven't finished yet, maybe cleaning up my crafting room, and getting ready for the yard sale in a couple of weeks.  I also have a few pieces of furniture to work on.

I also feel strongly that I want to bake some fresh bread, the smell of it baking in the oven will make the dreariness drift away.  Maybe a pot of stew.  Rainy days sort of call for it.

Fairly positive that I have no desire to even leave my house today. I know we are low on coffee and I haven't been to the grocery store in a bit.  But... I don't think it will be something that happens today.  I think my coffee and I are getting ready to head upstairs to the sewing room, a bit of cleaning and then... time to sew.

I need to create!  I don't feel like knitting, yes that poor sock will get finished some day, today just isn't that day.  I have two needlepoint projects that I am longing to start.  I am not sure they are on the agenda either. Soap I want to make, not sure I have the energy for that.  Wood working - we want to put a gate on the deck so the boys can safely go lounge on beautiful afternoons - rain is going to stop that from happening.

Ugghhh... I need to stop that.  Listing all the wanna's make me feel like a failure.  Maybe I need to just focus on doing all of it instead of listing all of it.  Or maybe I need to make a list and just start marking things off.  It might get rid of some of the angst that comes with having so many projects I want to finish and not doing them.

Anyone else facing a dreary weekend... What are you planning?

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