Saturday, May 24, 2014

Vacation... Nope not really...

 Sitting in the semi-darkness, sipping hot coffee and thanking the heavens that I am not coughing because my sides can't take anymore.  Yep, that is how I spend the first day of vacation.

I am listening to hubby coughing down in the man cave.  Neither of us really planned to start our vacation like this.  He's watching old shows, heat turned up high. Drifting in and out of sleep.  He was fine two days ago.  I am sure the hurried drive home on the motorcycle in the pouring rain did nothing for the cold that was already brewing inside him.

Me... I have been dealing with this for a month, finally give in and go to the doctor... and get worse? What? And folks wonder why I don't like doctors or conventional medications...

So how do you spend that kind of a first day of vacation?  If you are anything like me... you spend it browsing Pinterest and all your favorite recycle pages.  You spend it making plans to fit what you have going on in your life. Of course that is in-between naps.

Hubby and I are getting ready to embark on probably the biggest change that we have had in our entire lives together.  It's a bit scary, a lot exciting and frankly just a bit crazy!  I feel like a little kid running back and forth from waves.  I know they are cold and scary, but they are so pretty and I just want to splash in the froth.

The youngest two graduate next week.  We will truly be empty nesters. Not that they really come to visit often anyhow.  Their mom lives in St. Louis, their boyfriends live in St. Louis, they work in St. Louis... other than Dad... they don't really have any reason to come to Illinois.

My baby lives half a country away.  And my girls live 45 minutes away.  Forty five minutes doesn't seem like much, pretty close in the grand scheme of things.  Unless you start thinking about squeezing that time in around jobs, school and life.  All the sudden... it might as well be as far away as my boy.  I miss all of them so much.  Even Hubby's eldest no longer lives in Illinois from what we've heard.

Seems we are the last of the family living in a state that is trying to implode from the sheer weight of stupidity coming out of Chicago.

The day dreaming with my girl was a bit more planned that I originally suspected.  And now the day dreams are larger than life.  I am beside myself with excitement.  And I am scared to death. Hubby and I never started from scratch.  Our home was his that my son and I morphed into. Some of that has been tough at times.  Remembering boundaries and respecting the past.

This time, we will both truly be starting over.  This time, it will be strictly about us.  What makes us happy, what doesn't.  I have never had a home that was completely from scratch.  The military moved you in and out, but it was never yours.  This one was the closest I have ever had.  I am fairly adaptable, and would have been quite content here.  Forever.

I love my yard, my garden and my silly little $2.57 rose bush out front.  It was the first thing I planted, I am going to miss it's scraggly beauty.

Same rose as the first only a few days earlier...
I will miss Hubby's attachment to this home we now share.  He bought it for his parents when he came back from Vietnam.  His memories run deep here.  I am worried that moving him away from this little house will make him sad.  I am praying that it will not.  The huge silver maple out front, planted from a thin sapling.  The beautiful red maple in the back planted as a memory.  The towering pine in the front yard rescued on our first camping trip to Crappie Cove with the boy, that towers high above the house now.

Hubby and I have definitely made some memories in this little house.  Did our part to raise some amazing young adults here too.  We've had much joy, deep sadness and everything floating in the middle here.  Misadventures, learning opportunities and many other experiences.

I have asked him a million times in the past few weeks if he was seriously okay with the idea of change.  He swears he is.  In fact he says that the new one is what he's always dreamed of.

Me too... It's like it was custom made for us.  It's perfect! It is quirky in a beautiful country way. It has character, it isn't a cookie cutter house. It even has a weather vane on the garage.

And despite the beauty, the perfection, and everything else... the most perfect part...  It's near our girls.  Within a half mile walk of my beautiful daughter and grand baby.  Tucked away at the end of a quiet cul de sac. It's peaceful. There will be family dinners again.  Time together will not have to be planned and scheduled.  Evenings can be spent sitting on the decks, watching fire flies and playing with our angel, talking and laughing is always natural around them.

It is amazing.  I am so excited.  And so afraid.  I know where my boy gets it from, he doesn't like change either. I understand.

While my head is spinning, what to take, what to get rid of, my heart is singing.  I will be able to enjoy my girls.  Hubby is hopeful that the twins will  have a bit more time to hang out once we are closer, at least until they go to school.  We get it, it's a long drive for dinner.

There will be many changes in the next month or so... so much to do, so many plans, so much will not be the same... We'd planned to spend this vacation working on that list.  Cleaning out the house, buzzing around on motorcycle excursions.  Today was supposed to be a motorcycle day.  Instead, we are both curled up with tissues and dreams...

Today is for snuggling this guy...

No worries tomorrow is coming...