Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Just so tired...

Chasing away the clouds...
That is how I am feeling today! I am struggling to wake up and face the day, even if the week is flying past.  That is some of the worry... it is flying past!  No matter how fast I have been moving, I simply don't feel like I can catch up.  We have so many things going on at work, a new session getting ready to start, my teams gearing up for summer fun, so many flyers and so much advertising need my attention if everything is going to run.  And that is just work...

On the home front, well lets just say Better Homes and Garden's better not come knocking for a photo shoot.  I am fairly sure that Sunday, my next day off will be filled with lots of cleaning.  I simply cannot catch up.

Maybe the tired feeling is a physical response to an entirely mental feeling.  Just the idea is overwhelming today.  Yesterday was the same... Heck I am still trying to remember some of yesterday, and what I was looking for.

Seriously, I know what it is, I just like to pretend I don't.  I like to ignore things that I find unpleasant. I have fibromyalsia, have for a really long time.  A stupid tick decided in 1997 that I looked like I could use a healthy dose of Lyme disease. I survived it just fine thank you. Worst experience of my life, but definitely survivable.  The only lasting effect was the fibro.

I rarely face up to it, I definitely do not let it define me, and I am never going to let it win.  This week it is playing havoc with my head, something that really ticks me off! I don't like that ever present fog, or the constant feeling of forgetting.  It's an odd distortion.

I know this current issue is a direct result of some unrelenting stress and anxiety that I have had lately.  I know that I need some down time to recharge and balance my world.  That is coming. Hubby and I are getting ready to take a nice long break, I cannot wait.  In the meantime... bring on the post it's.
Yes... vacation time means... motorcycle time...

This past week was National Fibromyalsia Awareness Day.  For the first time ever I shared it on my Facebook page.  Maybe after almost twenty years I am ready to "come out of the closet" to let people see the crack in my armor.  Or maybe I am simply hopeful that with the power of social media we will finally have a chance to cure this invisible, variable and exhausting disease.

I am going to go with the cure.  Because I am fairly sure there are no cracks in my armor!

Invisiblity, that is the biggest challenge.  Forever people felt it was all in the head, there are still people that feel invisible means imaginary.  I have honestly had people tell me I was imagining it. Actually, no I am not.  I would never imagine some of the struggles this has caused. I will also never begrudge the difference it has made in my life and how it has changed who I am.

Because of this wonderful, invisible disease, I have learned to have much compassion and empathy.  I have learned to be tough both mentally and physically.  So long ago I was told that I would never be able to get past it.  To take all the medicine's they prescribed and basically to give up.  I found out they were wrong!  I found there are ways to work around the yuck, the fog, grog and pain. I have found that being medicated does not work for me, ever! I tried it, those are days, weeks and years that I cannot even remember.  I am not about to ever go there again. Some people find it works for them, and for them I am happy. For me?  No thanks!

For me, I will eliminate foods that accelerate symptoms.  I watch the chemicals in my diet.  I will sleep a bit more.  Find quality things to do with my family.  And simply slow down a bit.  I have an arsenal of coping mechanisms - the years have taught me well.  I will step back and weed out the things that are important and walk away from those things that are not.  I will minimize the stress in my world and focus on the little things like flowers and laughter.  I will snuggle my boys a bit closer and not let stupidity into my circle.  I might even take a walk or two.

Today is still a little foggy, hopefully I can remember some of the things that I am struggling to remember since yesterday. Today, I will once again rely a bit heavier on the people that I have chosen to allow inside my circle, today I will dream a bit bigger and today I will show more compassion towards others.  Because honestly you never know what anyone is struggling with.