metamorphic...

It's been a week. 

Heck it's been a rough 18 months.  There have been highs, there have been bright spots.  It hasn't been all hard.  I would never want to take away the shiny bright spots.

All week I have been thinking about metamorphic rocks. 

I know I am weird.  For years I truly wanted to be a geologist.  I wanted to spend my life engrossed in the study of rocks and how they affect and influence our lives.  I don't know if I wanted to search for oil or beds that would benefit some major company.  I think I am simply fascinated by rocks.  The pressures and situations that cause such massive beauty to exist.

Marble and slate are probably the most commonly known of the metamorphic family.  And look at their beauty.  The usefulness and abundance in our lives.  None of that could exist without an extreme amount of pressure, heat and stress.

People aren't all that different.  I find beauty in the wrinkles, the bright white streaks that we all manage to find a few of.  There is beauty in the creases and scars. The fine lines brought on by hard work, stress and pressure.

I'm finding myself making many changes.  Some just because its time for a change, some for my health, some for my mental health. 

Over the course of the weekend Hubs and I went to the Cahokia Mounds Archaeological site. It was too hot and muggy to climb to the top of Monks Mound - we will go back later in the year and climb those steps.  But we were blessed to meet some incredible Native American artisans.  My favorite couple that I met are from New Mexico.  And that had nothing to do with the fact that my oldest friend lives there.  They are from the Pueblo tribe and live about 5 hours from my sister by heart.  Although they did invite us to a feast day they are having on August 4th, I cannot be there.  If I had the ability I would go, I would love to break bread with them, what an amazing birthday experience that would be. 

Instead... I got a beautiful early anniversary present.  A turquoise and silver ring.  It was the only one they had that didn't need resizing, although that wasn't the reason, Emilio could size it on the spot. It just felt destined to be mine.  It's so unique and one of a kind.  It makes me smile to see it. The wide band has the Zia, Buffalo, Bear and Eagle feathers on the band.  For the circle of life, courage and wisdom.  A single dot resides at the very bottom for me - the owner.  And then six silver beads on the side for the six directions north, south, east, west, heaven and earth. 

It seems to speak to where I am heading as a person, on my journey. It feels comforting where it resides on my right index finger connecting it with my heart.

I fell in love with the mounds.  I have only lived her going on 17 years and it was the first time I have visited.  It won't be the last.  I'm excited for Archaeology Days that will be happening on August 3, I cannot wait to visit some of the sites and participate in the activities.  Hubs also joined us as members for our anniversary gift.  Meaning next year we will actually get to participate in a dig.  I'm beside myself with anticipation of that.  I love that he understands me and the things that I am passionate about. Rocks, archaeology, the past, nature, and the forgotten.

I'm fairly certain the 16th anniversary is about rocks and history... if not it should be.  Do I have time to suggest a change to the guidelines before the 26th? Probably needs to stay on my personal list, not sure other's would quite understand.

It was a different weekend than I usually spend.  I can't say chores got done, although I am fairly sure most of the laundry got washed - clean clothes are a bit essential.  Instead it was focused on being.  I didn't make or keep plans.  I dashed around in the sun in my little blue convertible.  I enjoyed healthy, lovely meals with my sweet Hubs, I talked with my kids and some friends that I have seriously been missing. 

The pressures of my life right now are causing me to change.  The universe is encouraging me to slow down, take care of myself and focus.  I have spent a week mourning last Monday.  It hurt my heart.  I was struggling with my own health and spent energy on someone I held dear instead.  I saw a Facebook post yesterday that made the week less painful.  The pressures in their life seem to have broken free and they are smiling and full of joy.

This morning I am sitting here in the semi-silence.  Getting ready to start the day.  Enjoying my coffee from a beautiful hand-crafted mug.  Made by a kind Cherokee Indian from Oklahoma, his story of his craft filled my soul.  He is so talented, I kept his card too... I might need to make a trip to Oklahoma soon. I'm focused on enjoying the memory of the weekend.  On savoring the giggles with the grand baby last night.

I'm also focused on planning for the week ahead.  Focused on my health. I'm learning that when you neglect you, the price is far too high.  I'm waiting for further directions, but so far what I was told to do is having a good impact.  I will keep it up.  Putting myself last has not helped me one bit.

Change is hard.  If you are a rock it is what makes the beautiful striations that alternate colors and textures.  In people I am guessing it defines where we are and who we become.  We definitely only get one go round. 

I'm trying to avoid adding toxins to my life, those are colors I don't need.  I removed hair color long ago, I was concerned I was poisoning my skin.  I rarely use plastics near my foods. Yesterday, I removed my dip polish.  I am learning what my nails feel like natural, odd stuff after years.  I am working on eliminating soda, and drinking tons of water.   Slowly I am working on the other things.  I want my health back. 

I need to feel alive.

I'm going to try to go with the flow.  To let the pressures and stress mold me into something stronger, a beautiful piece of marble.  Not a brittle, soft mica.  Both are beautiful and have their own place.  I am simply choosing to be stronger.

This beautiful morning is supposed to give way to rain and gloom, but after a weekend of rest and being gentle to myself.  Of sitting quietly and being still. I had to choose to not be part of everything I wanted to do, in exchange,

I almost feel human today.  I feel like maybe I can actually participate in life.  Maybe even do a slow dance in the rain...