just being...

Hazy, lazy Sunday morning.

Official start of two weeks of vacation. 

It's so odd to have all these days stretched out before us.  I almost feel overwhelmed.  I'm not used to having what feels like a limitless supply of free time.  I am not even remotely sure what to do.  I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and watching the sun slowly lighten the sky.

I have a list of things that need done.  Not feeling it.  Although I am fairly positive if I tackled a few of them I would be in a much better space mentally.  The clutter and chaos is wearing on me.  It's a list that has been lingering, some of it for years, but just seems so much like... work.

I have a longer list of fun, mentally stimulating, challenging crafting things I want to do.  With these I am more in the space of which one do I start?  I always get this way when I have just finished a project that has been consuming.  And I just finished Hub's anniversary present last week. The list of things I want to make and try is long.  I have the supplies for much of it.  I just get myself tied up in this spinning wheel of what to work on next. 

A part of me almost has the ambition to load the big boy up in the car and go find a nice walking trail for him.  Then the worry wart side of me kicks in and wonders if it's too warm for him, will the distance be too long, I mean after all he is almost 15 years old.  For a big dog that is ancient!  And I have had far too much loss this year of my beloved fur babies.  I'm no where near ready to say goodbye to the last.

Even though I am feeling at a loss of where to begin the fun, I have to admit that I am also very much enjoying the possibilities. Who knows, I might even simply go back to bed for a while.  This sense of freedom is a bit overwhelming when I usually live such a structured life.

I could seriously come to enjoy this.

Everyone has been asking where are you going?  It felt odd and equally as freeing to say no where.  No plans, no destinations.  A few maybe we wills, but nothing concrete.  Life has simply gotten far too complicated and overwhelming.  I am truly longing for simplicity. With the only deadlines, demands and needs being the ones our bodies create.  The need for rest and nourishment. And everything else being simply what we want and need to feel content.

Sadly, I feel I will finally be comfortable with the alarm not going off just about the time it's over.  The last time I had this much "free" time, I was traveling to Germany.  That was back in 2012. Forever ago. And I am a planner.  I like my world planned out for me.  What am I going to do, when, where and how.  I am not good at loose ends.

Am I going to putter with planting my basil plants?  Make soap?  I have about 6 different ones I want to try.  Finish up baby blankets?  Explore the countryside?  Practice cooking and making delicious meals for sweet Hubs?  Work on jewelry made with the beautiful stones?  Finish spinning that mournful bit of roving that has been waiting for years?  Of maybe I will finally go and get an energy healing - it has been on my list forever!  Or maybe we will go and watch a movie at the IMAX - it's about volcano's.  Or find somewhere local to search for stones. Or, or, or....

The possibilities seem endless right now.  On the verge of just being is a pretty exciting place to be.  A place to find time to daydream.  A place for some sunshine and light.  Maybe we will pack a picnic, a blanket and go and find a place to simply enjoy solitude... ah that sounds heavenly... Somewhere without people, I am definitely feeling I cannot people right now. 

Maybe the big dog would like that?

Or maybe just a nap, the mind woke me up at 4:00 am worrying about work.  It simply didn't want to listen when I gently scolded that could wait.

Enjoy the day, spend time doing what makes you whole.  Chase a few rainbows and dreams.  Life is far too short to miss out on those things...