Friday, March 2, 2018

living in faith...

Welcome March.  I was hoping to wish you that yesterday.  I've been waiting patiently for your arrival.  The day got away from me and by the time I'd gotten the news I'd been waiting for, there was no time nor energy to sit down and write. 

February was brutal.  I'm still feeling the pain and sting of it. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I'm emotionally battered.  I'm fighting the fatigue and pain that a fibro flare brings, I refuse to give in.  I might be cracking a bit on the edges, but I am not going to allow any of it to win. 

We've all been waiting with baited breath.  Praying to God and questioning mere mortals.  Dad has been stable for the past week and a half.  He's needed to move to a facility that could close his chest.  A place where he could recover from this nightmare.  

But hospital politics, insurance company games and none of the stars aligning has caused us more problems that solutions.  Until yesterday.  

We almost had him moving on February 28.  But in typical February fashion, it wasn't about to happen.  Nothing was even remotely easy in February. And we got the bitter and frustrating news that it wasn't going to happen again. As text messages flew back and forth and the frustration from feeling helpless mounted, we waited. 

Each of us questioning different parts of it all.  How much longer could he take being on the vent, was he safe, could he hear us and know that we are there - or in my case not there. How much more of this could we all take. There are moments that we are all incredibly strong, but there are also times when that hard outer shell that protects you cracks from the strain....

Last night we got the word.  The hospital that we had been hoping for was going to take him.  The plastic surgeon was on board and they had a cardio vascular surgeon willing to step up.  The whole universe had finally aligned!

This morning while I was walking my boys the text messages started.  I was a bit behind on the news.  Mom and one of my sisters were on their way to the hospital.  They had started prepping Dad last night.  They have a special ambulance that will transport him. My understanding is that bed and all will go right onto the ambulance.  He'll still be asleep.  Sleeping beauty will not have any idea of the move, or will he?

By nine this morning he will be safely at the next stop on his journey back to being our grouchy Daddy.  Soon, although we don't know for sure when soon is, they will start to put him back together. 

Before long they will start to wake him. At least I am going to continue to have faith that is the path he will take.  God hasn't brought him this far to snatch him away from us.  

When I was a little girl, I wore a necklace that I got from my Grammie, it was a little magnifying glass tear drop shape with a mustard seed inside.  She always said "if you have faith the size of a mustard seed nothing is impossible".  I still have the little bauble tucked in my old jewelry box of tattered and torn memories. My heart needs it. 

Well March... I'm glad that you dawned bright and sunny today. Yesterday started rather dismally, but I forgive you, you had a lot of gloom and misery to push aside from February's shenanigans.  This morning you greeted me with a gorgeous moon.  Bright, huge and welcoming.  Followed by a breathtaking sun rise.  I don't know if it's the same where my folks are, I hope so.  All of us could the energy and beauty right now.  The sign that God is still in control and he's got this. We mere human's, we falter sometimes and need help to hold on to that little bitty mustard seed. 

Today will be tough.  I want to be there, I want to be making sure that he is safe.  

I can't be.  So I will continue to pray. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

we needed it...

Anyone else love the smell of the air when it's rained?  Or for that matter anyone else thankful to wake up to smell of rain? It's b...