Two weeks ago today, my Momma sent us the last picture we will ever have of Daddy still with us. We might still be in denial, but I think all of us looking at that picture knew that he was fading. Just like my beautiful flowers are now.
I don't know that I am getting stronger, I am finding moments each day when it takes sheer will power to face it. Yesterday morning was horrific. I didn't have the energy or passion for life to even get ready. I didn't want to face anything else. I couldn't.
I did.
Through the strength loaned to me by family and friends, I found my groove. I also admit to a lot of sheer bullheaded determination. That trait runs deep in the family genes, thank you Lord.
The box to send some of Daddy's ashes to Artful Ashes arrive in Arkansas yesterday (goodness talk about aliteration). My sister will take it to the funeral home, I will fill out the paperwork and we will send it all back to get our globes and hearts made. They are so beautiful and seem such a fitting tribute to the man that gave so much for us. Each of us picked a color of significance to us. Mine will be brown, amber and gold. It reminds me of his eyes.
Today will find me going to work here shortly, I feel a bit more equiped to deal with the day for some reason. I slept in, shutting down the alarm and resting until I had enough. I don't often do that, but one of my "b's" is there at work to be me for a few. I needed it. Yesterday took all I had to give.
I'm struggling with my fibro starting to react to the stress, so I know that I need to refocus a bit, shift gears. I'm needing to re-center, the problem is I don't really know how. Each day feels a bit more of normalacy sneaking in. It's only when I think about what has occurred that I feel the sharp pain. It's not even localized it spreads through out my entire being. Those that have lost a loved one reassure me that this dims. Part of me wants it to, part of me is scared that it will. Will it be just like my fading flowers? Will I only have pictures?
Okay, well now I am making myself cry, so it's time to stop. Theraputic writing should not make the pain worse...
The donuts for my team are here (thank you Hubs) and it's time to head out.
Take a moment to love those that are near and dear, put down your phone, have a conversation, cherish the memories, we all thought there were many more memories to be made...
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