I'm taking a minute. I need to catch my breath and cool down. Although I am definitely cheering on the inside! There is no one home to hear me cheer out loud.
I just got back in from my walk. Half way around the final cul de sac my fitbit cheerfully told me that I had walked 2 miles. That it took me 37.17 minutes and my average pace was 18.24. That might not seem great to some. But given my fibro and the fact that six weeks ago that not only wouldn't have happened, my stats then were 1.11 miles, 34.38 minutes and my pace was 31.20. And I seriously wanted to die.
Fast forward today. I am only a bit winded, drenched in sweat and the only thing keeping me from walking a bit further was the fact that I need to get ready for work and fix lunches. I definitely see another walk in me today. My faster pace is insuring that I don't hit my step goals doing what I had been doing.
I was feeling so cheerful as I headed out today. First off the sky is bright and crisp, score one for mental preparation! The moon was bright and high, the stars glittering against the softer black of early morning. The short warm up walk with the boys doesn't count for my over all walk, but it definitely makes it easier to walk on my injured foot.
Add to that the fact that it wasn't even 58 out! Hallelujah! I know it is no secret I hate hot weather, so you can imagine my sheer delight when I doned long yoga pants instead of my capri's and Hubs suggested a sweatshirt!! What??? My heart was leaping with joy - that is by far my favorite attire and to be comfy in it, not hot... amazing!
I didn't head out immediately, I fixed a nice healthy, low-fat, protein packed breakfast for Hubs and I. He had to leave for work early. I don't usually eat before working out, but... I am stealing those moments with my sweetie!
I didn't head to the park as I usually do. Didn't have time to waste as I slept in a bit. That stinker of mine shut off my alarm when he got up, so that I could rest a bit more. Evidently the bags were starting to show under my eyes.
After kissing my sweetie good-bye, I headed off. I was going to tackle "the hill"! Daughter lives at the bottom of the hill by us, that hill is a nightmare. The angle is just sharp enough that it is not fun at all. I don't like to bike up or down it for that matter. And a month ago, it almost killed us to walk up it. Today, I was almost to the top, lost in thought before I realized that I had even begun to climb it. It's amazing the difference six weeks can make.
So many times I have felt that doing things for myself was a chore. Something to check off the list. Even buying myself nice clothes was never something I would consider. Hubs often snarls at me as I won't even by myself nice under garments (seriously - who sees them?). I have always felt that my family came first.
I would give up sleep for my Hubs, the kids, grand kids, heck even the dog. But the thought of giving up 30 minutes so I could walk or do something for my own mental health. NEVER!
Can you imagine where I would be today if I hadn't been so selfish? Yep, selfish. I was generous to others but I've always put myself last. Dead last. It didn't matter if I ground my batteries to dead. As long as I didn't make anyone else do without.
Walking in the early morning silence, listening to the birds chattering and the world slowly waking up, I have to say it slowly dawned on me, that I am a better me now that I am taking care of me. It isn't selfish to care for yourself. It isn't selfish to meet your own needs. It isn't selfish to pamper and spoil yourself. It actually gives you far more to be able to give others.
As I looked around this morning and saw the first signs of changing leaves, I also saw the first signs of a changing me. And they are both beautiful, warm and welcome. I saw the same sparkle start to ignite in the Hubs eyes this morning. He's further behind me this time, he still has battles and demons chasing him. But the scale tipped down, and he put on his brand new motorcycle jacket that was too snug when we bought it, and... it's a bit baggy.
Take care of yourself, find the joy and beauty in all around you. Honestly, life is far too short to be neglecting the most important parts of who you are. Fill your bucket, so you can continue to bless others...
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