Saturday, February 15, 2014

picking up pieces and sorting it out...

I will always have your back, I am loyal to a fault. If I have given you my word, If I have promised you my loyalty, if you are my friend, family, love or even someone who's position in my life assures them my respect, for the position if not the person.  You have all I have to give.

I might not agree with you, I might not want to do what is asked of me. But I will always give you everything I have to give.

All I have ever asked from anyone in return is to be treated fairly and with kindness.  I have always only wanted to be treated with respect.

I don't ask for favors, I don't give less than is expected of me. Oh it might take me a few moments to catch up, maybe I can't be super woman and work miracles.  But I won't stop until I have met the goals put before me.

I don't demand nor appreciate being singled out in a group for praise or recognition.  That isn't my style.  I prefer a soft, genuine thank you when I go above and beyond, or when I have accomplished all my tasks.  I want to be appreciated for what I bring to the table.

I have never been someone motivated by mean, biting words, demands or negative pressure.  I will always pull my own weight and I will pull yours too, so that we all reach the goal together. 

The people that I love, that know me.  They know this to be true. Those that are special to me, they know I will always go above and beyond, I will fight the good fight, and give them 100%, more if I can.

Those that don't know me.  Those that have never taken the time get to know me... the ones that will use everything I have to give... those that take credit for my work (when I won't complain - that isn't my style)... those that demand, demand and demand... yet never give so much as an ounce of positive...

Those are the ones that are tearing me up... Making me miserable... taking my joy...

I haven't written, I haven't had the energy or what I've needed.  I spend too much time wanting to curl up in a ball and give up.  I hate that I am allowing others to control my feelings and emotions. I hate that I will still give as much as humanly possible to the things that I have committed to.  I hate that I am not the person that can simply walk away and forget about it all. I hate that I allow myself to be used.

For those of you that truly know me, know I love you and that this too shall pass. Those that don't... well it doesn't matter.. does it?

I might be "gone" for a bit, I have some stuff to work through... I don't know... This year has been hard so far, it's wearing me out, tearing me up... leaving a worn out woman...