The hurrier I go...

Is life passing us by Gator?

I'm sitting here enjoying my first cup of coffee, trying hard to wake up.  I am a bit on the sluggish side today, but then I usually am after my late Monday.  It is going to be a really busy day and I am sort of reluctant to dive in.  Instead I am enjoying the chirping of all the birds that make their nests in my trees and eaves.  Those babies sure do put up a fuss in the mornings waiting for mommies and daddies to provide breakfast.

It's the middle of a short week for me, and so much is going on that I am afraid to look up for fear that it will zip past me in a second.  I took on some new responsibilities at work and while I am actually excited about the possibilities I am hesitant as well.  I already work crazy hours, which is counter productive to my goals with b'longa'b's.  I have to get organized in order to make all these pieces work seamlessly.  That for me is frightening.

I am not organized, at least not to most people's standards.  I can make sense of my insanity, but few others can.  My goal yesterday was to get my pile on my desk down to a reasonable level.  I think I just added a few more pieces to the pile. Not all together sure how that happened. Luckily (?) hubby has to drop me off early, so maybe before the chaos of the day I will have a chance to sort out my work life and get things under control.

I don't know about you, but I have always felt that the busier you are the more you accomplish.  I guess because you simply have to.  Being busy feels good to me, being overwhelmed does not!  I have so many little things all demanding my attention right now, that even sipping a cup of coffee feels like a guilty pleasure. On days like this, I often find myself wondering if I am crazy, if it is a genetic flaw to never be able to say "no" or walk away from a "need to"?  Because I often find my goals in direct conflict with my life....

I am not complaining, I have a rich and full life.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and like I cannot possibly keep up with the insanity I have created for myself.  I am thankful for the job that makes me tired with it's demands - it provides for my families needs.  I am thankful for the house that simply refuses to clean itself (when I was a child didn't those fairy tales promise little helper elves?) because I have shelter and a place to rest.  I am thankful for my garden that always needs attention - it provides me with food to nourish my family. I am thankful for the pets that need my attention - as they provide love, companionship and comfort. 

I am thankful for my life.  It is rich and fulfilling, even when it is overwhelming and forces me to learn new skills to keep up with it.  I will slow down on Thursday of this week, a mini-holiday with hubby and then off to my son's graduation.  I am looking forward to a weekend of doing last time fun UIUC stuff with my boy.  I can't wait to take his pictures on the quad and enjoy a Mother's day picnic.  I am excited for what lies ahead just around the corner this week.  I just have to get myself together so that I have time to savor and enjoy it as much as that first cup of coffee.

Now it's time to clean the turtle aquarium and start loading up the car for tonight's quilting class! 

Do you overwhelm yourself also?  I can't be the only one...

If the world had a front porch...

I am a very conservative, traditional person.  I wouldn't say I am completely old fashioned, but darn close.  I believe very strongly that all of us have the ability and responsibility to make a difference in each others lives.  It isn't the responsibility of the state, country or the world to take care of people.  It is our responsibility as humans to care for each other and work together to change things, to make a difference.

I was blessed this weekend to have the opportunity to help family and friends.  I was able to put my skills and God given gifts to use to make a difference.  Maybe it wasn't huge to them, but it was huge to me.  I sometimes joke that I am a sucker, but it isn't that.  I put myself out there deliberately, I want to be needed and be able to help others.  It makes me feel good.  It is purely selfish for me, I will admit it!

This weekend I had the chance to deliver firewood, help with a move, celebrate with friends, make jerky for my boys, paint walls, have quality time with hubby, work on a quilt that is a gift, cut hair and even do a perm for a neighbor.  All of those things were gifts of my time and skills. In exchange I had my bucket filled.

I believe in doing things for others.  Just as others do things for me.  I believe that it is basically team work that makes the world better.  This weekend I had a caring neighbor call me when our power went out for a while during a heavy rain, we were able to rush home, get the generator running just in time to prevent our basement from flooding.  Our friends drove quite a distance to celebrate an evening with us.  My hubby made me dinner when I was simply too tired to move another inch.  My daughter offered to come help us if we were flooded. My girl gave me a set of pillows. Ironically her sofa is the same fabric as mine but her's came with the pillows I had really loved.  They don't go with her color scheme, they look great with mine!

Its the give and take that makes things work.  I don't know about you, but I receive so much more goodness in my heart when I can help people, it makes me feel human.  It feels up my emotional bucket.  I need that.  I need to believe in the good of people. 

The news is so bleak, so many people today have lost basic human and social skills.  Too many folks are waiting for our various governments to give them stuff.  They have forgotten that when they give of themselves, those things come back.  You simply don't need stuff, you need the goodness of caring people.

I cannot afford a kennel for my boys when I go on holidays or trips.  I have dear friends that willingly cross the road several times a day to take care of all my babies.  In exchange I will do haircuts and perms for them, other things that they need to make their lives easier. 

I am teaching a quilting class, I am not getting paid for it, but I am.  I am watching community being built again.  That is worth more to me than money.

I keep praying that our world will remember that we need each other, that we need to be part of a community.  That the gift of our time with whatever skill we have to give will be returned with another person giving a gift of their time and skills to you.  Sometimes it is material, sometimes it is not.  The most basic of needs, we can help each other meet them.

I am blessed!  I have family and friends that care about me, that help me each day in the path I am walking.  I hope they feel that they have me also.  I strive to give what I can.  Do you do that in your daily walk? 

I truthfully believe that we can all make a difference in the world around us.  We can care a bit more, do a bit extra, give just a little more... How many times have you made too much dinner?  Do you know someone that might not have dinner, a neighbor or friend going through a rough spot?  Mowing your grass, is it going to take that much of your life to cut your neighbors? Running to the store, do you know someone that might not be able to do that right now, can you help them?

The difference we can make is amazing, we are far more powerful than we realize and I am so blessed to have so many in my life that make me stronger.

It's all about the G's!

Last night was all about the "g's"!  Good Friends, Good Times, Good German Beer, German Style Gasthaus.

Hubby has discovered Groupon and stumbled on a German restaurant not too far from where we live, if 45 minutes is close.  It is the most authentic he's discovered since The Feasting Fox went belly up due to poor management.  We went to a beer and pretzel tasting with hubby's work family and stayed for dinner.

It really felt like being back in Germany, and the beer was perfect!  Sadly, the food, being made with American ingredients was missing that quality that comes from using the pure food of Europe.  But it was Wunderbar (now where is that darn umlaut when you need it?)!

I am usually all about schnitzel when it is on the menu, it is simply one of my favorites.  Their menu had many of my favorites so I decided to go with Rolladen, potato pancakes and red cabbage. I had not had that in over 20 years and it was always one of my favorites. I still remember the little Gasthaus we stayed in outside of Sembach for a couple of months when we first got to Germany in 1978, that was where I first tried it. My folks made it for us and it was always wonderful.  It was good, not as good as I remember it, but it was good.

And while the food was the reason we went, the friends were what made it perfect! Last night would not have happened a few years ago.  Hubby's work family back then was not pleasant, it was ugly and hateful.  Luckily the two toxins are gone.  The new group is a true family.  I sometimes feel like the odd duck out as I am a bit younger than the rest of them, and there are times that they start talking about things that I cannot possibly remember.  I have discovered it is all good, because that is when I enjoy my beer or coffee and sit back and listen.  I love soaking up the laughter and joy of it all.

We met a couple of new folks, in true German fashion the room was set up with long tables for you to sit with friends and new friends to be.  It was nice to discover that the guy sitting next to us had been in Germany during one of times I was there, even if he was in Stuttgart.  They were fun to talk to and I am sure we will find them at the next event!  I know this, because having been raised in Germany, I can always find the people in the group that miss it as much as I do.

If you happen to be in Southern Illinois, near the town of Fosters Pond (just outside of Waterloo) make a trip to Dreamland Palace, you won't regret it, be sure to take a few good friends with you.  And enjoy a stein or two of Heffeweise or whichever beer you enjoy. It does feel like you are in Germany, the owners are wonderful and it's a great opportunity to make some new friends or simply enjoy the ones you already have.  We did!

Coffee, rain and the Boys!

Coffee, some mornings simply require it. This is one of those mornings!  It isn't that I didn't get enough sleep.  Or that I have anything particularly pressing on my schedule.  In fact, it's a me day and I am really enjoying it.

I would do no such thing... I swear!

 It's cold, damp and dreary.  Big dog woke me up way too early, but his brother wanted to go out, and was waiting at the back door.  They had refused to go out before bed time, neither of them were willing to brave that rain storm.  And as the old guy has gotten to the point he only will "talk" when there is something important to say, he refuses to do so simply to go out.  He sends the Big dog.

I firmly believe my boys and the cats for that matter communicate with one another and Gator rules them all.  At 4:30 the morning a very large big dog was standing on the bed hovering over me nose to nose.  Rolling over did no good, he simply moved closer and leaned in further, he was definitely trying to get my attention. Even petting his big old head didn't help, he was on a mission.  Reaching over to wake Dad up only confirmed what I already knew, Dad was in the man cave, I was going to have to get up and see what the big guy wanted.

The supreme ruler!

Not quite awake I realized the old guy wasn't trailing nor had he been in bed.  It was all becoming quite clear.  Turning the corner into the kitchen, it all made perfect sense.  Gator wanted to go out, he'd sent Neeko to wake mom up.  How they do it I don't know, but as I walked to the door, I watched some kind of secret communication between the two of them.  Gator, moved his head in what could only be interpreted as a nod of approval and Neeko was bouncing around like a proud puppy that was being praised.

After letting them out, I tried to go back to sleep.  Dark, cold rainy mornings are made for sleeping.  Sadly it was too late... the brain had had a chance to wake up and start moving.  All the things I wanted to accomplish today were already talking to me.  I can't really say I have done much since the boys woke me up... Talked to hubby for a few (he was in a hurry to get back down to his movie - he won a new toy and had hooked it up), checked Facebook, wished my sister a happy birthday, and played Words with Friends (although in my case it should be words with family, as they are all I play).

I have enjoyed the morning coffee my hubby always makes for me.  Years ago I saw a joke that I read to him (yeah, I am not someone that can make those kind of things up).  It said even the Bible says men should make the coffee, when he asked where I told him in "He Brews", get it??  He did!  He's got a wicked sense of humor and that really tickled him.  He's been making me coffee ever since.  I have probably only made 50 pots in 10 years.  He makes great coffee, why mess with perfections?  Besides he will even deliver it with a french accent.  Perfection!

Between the rain, the early morning, and the coffee, I think it is going to be a mellow day.  I will pay the bills, work on a few projects that need finishing and wrap it up with a date night with hubby!  He found a German restaurant a few towns over that we are going to check out. But we will start the night with German beer and pretzel tasting... sounds very promising! What are you doing today?

If April Showers bring May flowers... what do May showers bring?

I love spring!  I am all about the rebirth, starting my garden, the flowers, the birds and the warmer temperatures. 

Living in the Midwest... it also means ants! Lots of ANTS!  And the more it rains the more we have.  I have lived all over the world, I know that each area has it's own unique spring friends. When I lived on the coast it was fleas, in the southwest it was spiders, I have lived places where it is roaches and others where it is flies, mosiqtoes, or silverfish.

I am not sure any of them are any better than the others.  I am not a fan of any kind of bug invading my personal living space.  I know crazy, especially since I love the outdoors and would easily move to my little place in the woods.  I simply cannot stand crawling things inside my house.  Out in their natural habitat I am great with it.  I will watch those little guys make trails and be as industrious as ever - OUTSIDE!

Last night I went to bed forgetting they had found an inroad and were trailing along the wall.  This morning... I went to work. I found a great suggestion on Pintrest, and we have tried many different "cures" over the years, those little buggers and invasive!  But I am not a fan of poisons, or baby powder all over my house.  I am a fan of the scent of cinnamon, as it turns out... those little black demons are NOT!  The will run for the hills as soon as they smell it.

So all window frames, all door frames and possible crack they can get into gets a regular healthy dose of cinnamon oil extract.  I bought it to make soaps, and it is potent.  The ants scramble and my house smells heavenly.  The only challenges are it has to be reapplied and it doesn't like plastic, gross is an understatement when it comes in contact with plastic.

By the time I get home, the ants will be back outside where nature will take care of them.  My boys' dinner will be safe from the little creepies. 

So I guess May flowers come from April showers, and ants come from the rest of the showers!! 

Happy Birthday Daddy!!

Waiting on the coffee to brew...  Heard that train whistle at four again this morning.  Normally I sleep right through it, I guess I just have too much on my mind...

Oh well... I think that is how life works.

Dad and his girls October 2012

Today is my Dad's 70th birthday!  Time flies... Five years ago, my sisters and I all flew to Arizona to celebrate with him.  He'd moved there a bit before and his wife thought we should all come for the milestone day.

Considering the challenges she had caused, it was tough for all of us to put ourselves in that position.  I am glad we did.  A lot can change in five years, the world can get bumpier than we can handle.

Dad is a tough man.  We all know why he is the way he is, and we all accept it.  We know "I love you's" are hard to come by just as we are sure that he loves us all deeply.

Five years ago, I think I about threw him into a full fledged fit!  He'd wanted us all to wear black, I didn't own any black, and frankly when I couldn't find any I decided I was done searching.  We were going to Arizona after all in May - it was hot!  I wore pink.  Maybe I should have searched a bit harder for something black, even though at that point in my life (oddly enough as black has always been a huge staple in my closet) I was adamantly opposed to owning black.  When I look back at the pictures I smile.  They make me happy.  I was being rebellious and contrary, just as Dad usually is.

Daddy is a great father, he pushed us to be more.  He was distant and often gone, but when he was around he made sure to create adventures and memories for us.  I just don't believe that he really knew how to tell us he loved us.  When we were kids, if he said "I love you" it usually meant something bad was happening.

My favorite memories with my dad are readily available... omelets in the middle of the night, playing board games in the hotel late on a snowy night, camping on the beach in Crete, Fort Stanwick in Upstate New York, castles,  his college graduation (and how mad he was that I was dating a guy that didn't even know one screw driver from the next), Mt. Ida at Christmas time, the trip from Crete to Germany, his devotion to family (even when we didn't think so), sitting on his lap on my graduation day and hearing how proud he was, watching Pappas Manolis walk him down the path to help him (ella tho zoe - definitely the phonetic spelling there), my first driving test (when the car blew up on the instructor)... there are so many wonderful things that come to mind.

I am luckier than my sisters, I had left for my own life when he decided he couldn't handle all the changes in his life and went down a different path.  I don't have as many of the bitter memories to swallow.  I don't have as many things to forgive and forget.  Funny... as kids he was far tougher on us older two.  He was more ready to be a dad for the younger two.  Yet as the oldest, now it is easier for me to simply forgive and love. 

Even though I wasn't the apple of his eye, he was my hero.  I did everything I could to make him realize that.  I don't know if I was successful or not.  But I know that I am okay with it all.  I let him down so many times because I was determined to be me, and not live the life he wanted for me. In many ways the relationship that he and I have shaped the parent I became.  I was determined to not be like him.  I didn't want to be the military drill Sargent.

The past five years have lead to us almost losing him forever, to us finally having him back in our lives.  They have been painful and healing at the same time.  

I wanted to be in Arkansas to celebrate with him, Daddy loves celebrations, especially if you are celebrating him.  Every time he came home from TDY (business trips for those unmilitary folks) we had a party for him.  I remember one time we didn't... we were older and he'd hurt all of us at that point - and mom telling us, how upset and sad he was.  I guess to a degree I regret it, but you can't change the past.

Mom and Dad Christmas 2012

I couldn't get down there today, being the middle of the week, and the fact that my month is stuffed.  In a few hours I will call him.  I know that part of his birthday present arrived yesterday, the other part will be there on Saturday - it had just been released.  I really struggled with what to give him.  Mom is always a bit easier, but Dad just isn't.  In the end I decided to mark this milestone with things that would simply make him happy.  I couldn't send him to Germany, wish I could have, so I sent a bit of Germany to him.  I ordered him a new audio book, so he can sit out on the deck drinking his coffee enjoying the sunshine, listening to his book and letting mom do everything for him.

"Holy Shit! That's pretty damn good"  Enjoy Dad!!!

I am sure that he is happy.  In a way all his girls are back in his world, Mom is taking great care of him (and he loves being spoiled, even if he doesn't admit it) and his grand kids and great grand kids are part of his life again too.  I hope he has a great day!  He will indulge a bit much in food that will mess with his blood sugar, but we don't worry because we know Mom is watching it now.  And I hope that he knows he is loved!

Happy Birthday Daddy!! I love you!

Happy May Day!

The sunshine burning off the fog around the Arch

It's too early to be awake...

Although I am, and its sounds like most of the world is too. The first sounds penetrated my consciousness somewhere around 3:30 am, the train decided to go past blaring it's horn at 4:00 am, I gave up shortly thereafter.

Two cups of coffee later, I feel almost human, wondering what the day might bring...

It's May 1st. May Day in some countries, here, it's just a day.  I remember May Day celebrations when I was younger, growing up around the world.  May Poles, dances, the celebrations.  I have snippets of memories of learning to dance around the May Pole at some point when I was younger. Just small fragments of the past.

Today starts a crazy month for me and so many of my loved ones.  There will be four graduations, one high school and three college.  Four young lives all getting ready to start a new chapter and to grow their dreams.  I hope each of them finds something that will make them crazy happy and ready to conquer the world.

My Dad will turn 70, there are so many birthday's to celebrate.  One of our kids has a special anniversary, and another has a future anniversary that will start this month.

There are a variety of parties on the calendar and hopefully many reasons for celebration!  Housewarmings, house closings, a weekend away to have fun. 

Simply so much going on...

It's been an odd spring here in the Midwest, the sun isn't rising as early as it did last year, so bike rides can't start.  We've had so much rain, which is very welcome after last years drought.  Yesterday it got as high as the low 90's, this weekend it is supposed to be back in the 60's or 70's, just depends who's forecast you look at. It's either raining cats and dogs or so warm that it feels like we skipped spring.

Isabella in the tree enjoying the sunshine!

I can't be the only one that thinks time is moving so fast.  I have never been the kind of person that wants to go backwards, to do something over again, I have never wished I could relive part of the past.  I do wish we could slow things down a bit.  Take a minute to enjoy each other and the days a bit more, instead of making it another check mark on the to do list.

I need to slow down, anyone else want to join me?  Anyone else want to savor those precious moments in life a bit more and the mundane a bit less?