This morning as Hubs and I were walking we kept a close eye on the very dark and ominous clouds rolling in. Both of us sure it would catch us far from home. My knee and his strained muscle insuring that neither of us would make it home to avoid being soaked to the bone. Luckily, it waited. In fact here it is almost two hours later and it is "raining" so to speak, but honestly it's only a light sprinkling. I'm holding out for the downpour, thunder and lightning. Fingers crossed.
I haven't written much lately, I've been busy sorting through random thoughts and concerns. I struggle with what to say and how to say it around certain things. My guess is that I am concerned that I am going to offend people with the thoughts that rattle around.
Then I question why? Not why might I offend, I am keenly aware of why, but more so why does it matter. Why do I care? I believe that we, our nation, have created this type of feeling. The past couple days Hubs has entertained me with historical documentaries, I am a huge fan of understanding the past to avoid the same mistakes in the future. I can't recall the name of the show we watched yesterday, and sweet Hubs is napping, but... it dealt with conversations from the last of the living Nazi's.
It rocked me to my core. My knitting needles stilled and my heart hurt. It felt like a veil was lifted, it made the world we are now living in far too clear to see. I am still processing it.
It involved a great deal of reading as the entire thing was done in subtitles. The senior's all in their late 80's to 90's recounted how they had gradually come to see the Jewish people as non-people. How they had turned their backs on friends, how they had ultimately turned them over for extermination. They talked about their schooling, uniforms, the requirements to participate in clubs guided my pro-Hitler forces. How it shaped the people they became, how it led them to be okay with knowing that hundreds of thousands Jewish men, women and children were murdered. How other's were murdered with them.
I've walked Dachau many times, in a state of shock and disbelief. Each time feeling that it would make more sense if I continued to go, that at some point the horror of it would fade a bit. It never did. As I aged it only intensified. I have taken my children there, they needed to know the extent of evil that man can inflict on man. I have walked the grave yards sprinkled throughout Europe and had tears roll down my face while trying to explain to fifth-grade scouts why the crosses were black and the ages so very, very young.
For years I have listened as the former President was called a Nazi and even equaled to Hitler. I fear our school system has deliberately blurred facts and that we are too afraid to look any deeper than what we are taught to see the truth. We allow our schools to teach our children hate. It's happened for a very, very long time. It was truly how Hitler took control. How so many humans were exterminated. Hate was stirred at a very young age.
Most of those time worn people said it was horrific, that it should have never happened, that they were filled with remorse. None of them worked at the camps, but they all knew of them. Many of those blue eyes were filled with tears and a lifetime of pain at what they had participated in.
But there was one.
He's the one that made my blood run cold. He was a distinguished looking man. Very dapper. And he looked right at the interviewer and said he was proud of his role. He was proud to have been part of it. He did disagree about the murders, felt they should have just been pushed away, but he still supported Hitler.
Here's where I am struggling. So much of what they said, the manipulation and control, the way they used things a simple as basic freedoms to formulate the way people thought is hitting me gut right now. Because if you take away the emotions, the rhetoric and the voices that keep yelling - begging you to only listen to their perspective - we are living the same story line. We are creating a globe of people afraid to speak their own truth, to feel their own feelings and to be guided by the basic freedoms that we used to claim to cherish.
I am on a serious struggle bus right now. I am a firm believer in individual sovereignty. I believe that each of us has a God given right to create the life that we have been sent here to create. I will never disagree with your thoughts or beliefs. We are all on a different journey in this current time.
I am struggling because history is most definitely repeating itself. The hatred is growing stronger every single day. I am continuing to pray and meditate that we wake up, that we see what is being done to us as a whole.
Why did they accept it? On both sides the Jew and non-Jew? Because it was gradual, those on the "good" side in their eyes didn't notice their friends were disappearing because it was slow and methodical, and in their own words once they did, they were far too terrified to say or do anything for fear that they would end up in one of those massive ovens. Those on the "bad" side, kept accepting the restrictions without fighting back because they didn't realize the path they were being forced down until it was far too late to change their fates.
I wish there was a magic wand to wave over the world, one that would cause people to always step back and rationalize things through. So much does not make sense until you do. Oh you can easily listen to what they are telling you, but does it make sense in the light of day? Probably not.
I am not getting on a soapbox, I am striving to stay in the middle and understand both sides, but each day finds me more and more disgusted and afraid that people will continue on the path they are on blindly, without questioning and the ripple effect will result in things that we cannot begin to fathom.
Wow... I guess the gloominess was more overpowering than I realized. I had to process what I saw yesterday and pair it with what I have witnessed myself. The Nazi's are simply the latest incarnation of that form of evil. My heart has never believed that it died with Hitler (frankly - I don't really believe he died), and with what I am witnessing now... I have more faith in my heart than ever before.
None of us is greater than the other. Our beliefs, our feelings, our goals and outcomes are all individual and equal. Sadly, everyone of us is at the mercy of group think. Regardless of the current need to erase history, don't buy into it. At any point in time every single race, creed, belief, gender, etc has come to represent the ones that are in the wrong. That we should all rally against.
I feel more and more like I am on a grade school playground, watching the varying bully groups. Trying to guess who will be the victim next... it's been going on since time began.
I can't be part of it. It isn't who I am. I was the kid that chose to sit on the sidelines, to not be part of the groups, because there was always someone hurt by the group bully and I didn't want or need to be part of it. Ya know what... I'm okay with that mindset even today.
I will love everyone (even the unlovable - and I know a few that are so wrapped in hate its unbelievable), but I will choose if you are allowed to be close to me and be part of my inner circle. I will do all I can to help others, I will respect everyone's beliefs, thoughts and ideals. All I ask is the same courtesy. And I will never force you to accept mine.
As you can tell, I'm on the struggle bus. If I go silent for a while, understand it is how I am processing and observing things. I need to further explore this new layer that has opened before my eyes, I need to understand the entire picture.
peace and love everyone...
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