I so wish this calm and peace for everyone. I am sitting here in my favorite spot with a fire to warm me, debating on putting our last log on to keep it going as I am enjoying the warmth and ambiance so much. This room brings me so much joy. It's calming and soothes my spirit.
Outside the beautiful bay window the wind is raging, the tree branches are such vibrant and beautiful colors even drenched in rain. This is my season.
It has been such a week of deep thoughts and unpacking feelings and emotions. That today feels like a day to have pure hope and joy that the future will ultimately be brighter. We are going through a dreary, rainy season right now. Everything feels upside down and inside out, but I can't for a moment not have hope that we will come out on the other side of this in a healed and whole way. Seeing with our hearts and not our eyes.
Yesterday on Facebook a memory of 11 years ago popped into my feed, it was of witches hats and broom sticks melted in a puddle of green chocolate. I was struck by the difference a decade makes. Halloween is two days away. I haven't made any special treats, there are no carved pumpkins and the decorations that I carefully moved all over the world when my kids were younger are still in the box downstairs.
I don't really go all out for any of the traditional holidays any longer, they just seem to commercialized for me. I find myself digging into the history of the holiday, into the meanings that resonate within my heart. I am shifting into a different person. I like this new person better.
There were a lot of years that I felt strongly driven to stay up late at night and do things like making witches hats out of cookies and candies or severed fingers out of shortbread cookie dough. Where pumpkins were carved and candles filled them for spooky goodness. I did those things to make childhood magical for our kids. My folks had always done that for us. My daughter has taken that torch and now lights that path for her babies, she doesn't need me to do it. And Hubs definitely doesn't. Kids don't really come trick or treating in droves like they used to, although the shops sure want you to believe they will. We bought one bag of candy - we will use it all up tomorrow at the parade, those kiddo's will hit the jackpot. We aren't planning to be home on Halloween night.
As we start looking towards the major holidays that will soon follow, I feel less connected. Oh I still love to give Christmas gifts and to gather with the family and friends around the table for a meal, but the days themselves are simply days. I love to put up my decorations, but the work surrounding it seems daunting most days. It isn't where I want to spend my energies.
I want to spend my energies enjoying the people that I love. Celebrating the joy of being surrounded by laughter and pure love. I don't want the stress I used to willingly sign up for. I am moving into a new phase in life.
I never understood people that traveled for holidays, I get it now. The only gifts I want or need come from being with my loved ones. You can't unwrap that, although... if you want to make me a handmade gift... sign me up! Because then I know that I was deeply on your mind and in your heart while you made it.
Not sure what the holidays will look like this year. The economy is stressful, buying groceries is an exercise in pain and frankly it just feels overwhelming. I am 99% sure my youngest won't be coming home, but I fully understand that and need to be sure to send their gifts early enough for them to put them under their tree. I don't know what plans our girls have so we will have to chat about that. Hubs and I are thinking about trips to see family we haven't seen in a bit. Now that my knee is stronger the journey makes sense.
I don't know what it is about this time of year, but it always makes me long for more time with my family and friends.
My girl called last night and asked if I wanted to go run a few errands with her and maybe go to the farmers market so the youngest one could play. I was ready in moments! It's been such a long time since we did silly everyday things together, it was wonderful. We never made it to the playground as the rain decided to make it's appearance, but we ran errands, talked, laughed and enjoyed life. It was wonderful! She is crazy busy with her own life, so the gift of time was so very precious to me.
I have plans with family and friends over the next two days and I am over the moon excited. I enjoy time to kick back and simply be with the people that I love. It fills my very soul.
A friend is coming to create today. I love days like this, in fact it is one of the things that has me considering offering beginning quilting lessons. I could teach people to actually sew clothing, I am more than capable, but it isn't something I particularly enjoy doing myself so... Hubs and I were discussing it this morning. I have a wonderful collection of vintage machines, he feels that there are lots of people out there that would love to not only learn, but have the opportunity to use the machines. I am considering it.
I had so much fun teaching quilting classes at my old Y almost a decade ago. In fact I made some wonderful friends that I have kept all this time. I don't know exactly what is stalling me on it, but something is, maybe the time is not right? When we were down in Sullivan we stopped by this long unused garage that I used to dream of owning. It would have been a fantastic place to put a shop for people to gather and create, to learn and share.
It was blue when I used to day dream about it, this past visit it was red with a new door. The windows are boarded up now and it looks like someone tried to do something with it. I will admit my heart was a bit crushed. I would love to have a small space like that to create that kind of paradise. Just not sure how I feel about having people in my own home...
I think it is something I will explore with the new year. I helped a friend last year learn some basic sewing skills and she made beautiful keepsakes for her family. It was such a wonderful day, who knows...
After the new year I will worry about some of the future things, I simply have enough to keep me busy right now.
Enjoy this wonderful day, get ready to kick off the spectacular weekend coming up and live your best life!
love and peace...
No comments:
Post a Comment