doing the work...

Roaring fire in the fireplace, hot coffee in my cup.  Perfect way to start this wonderful day! My sweet Hubs had both ready for me when I came down the stairs this morning.  I am truly blessed!

As I was sitting here in the darkness soaking up the peace and beauty I find that I myself drawn to a fire more and more. It feels so pure, so cleansing, The energy is renewing and powerful for me.  I am loving this time of life.  

Today is a powerful day, not because it's Halloween, as we have been commercialized to celebrate it. I am moving more and more away from the commercialization of holidays and digging deeper into what the day actually is meant to celebrate and acknowledge.  In many cultures and religions today has nothing to do with candy and costumes.  It has everything to do with celebrating ancestors, paying respects and ending a cycle.  Astrologically today also ends a cycle.  At one point in time today was the end of the year. It is simply a powerful time. 

As I was sitting here in the dark silence I was thinking about my loved ones that have crossed over.  I felt calm and peaceful. I really believe that we are the sum of all those that have come before they contribute to who we are today.  Some of that is positive, some of the experiences were negative.  All of the experiences and knowledge shaped me in some way. 

Sitting still, reflecting and honoring my loved ones today it occurred to me that even those experiences that at the time appeared negative were actually lessons.  Not a single one of us is perfect, although... if you were to listen to some of the people around today you might believe otherwise, and some of those things in hindsight created a stronger need to do things differently in me today.  

I do not parent like my parents did, and I am sure they didn't parent like their parents did.  My daughter is completely different from me as a parent.  Yet watching her interact with all of her babies yesterday, I know that she is raising them to be incredible humans that love and value other people.  We all make mistakes, we all have moments that we are not the best we can be, we aren't here because we are perfect.  We are here to learn is my belief. 

The youngest is so much like her mother was in personality when she was that age.  Watching her yesterday, proudly marching in the parade, but refusing to go up and say trick or treat to anyone, not engaging with the other kids, it was like looking through a looking glass into the past.  I held her hand and led her up to each table she wanted to approach, let her use my confidence where her own was lacking, something I wish I had been strong enough to do when her mom was the same way.  I was too young then, I hadn't grown enough as a person myself, instead I had been frustrated and overwhelmed with her actions, I didn't understand.  I was thankful to be able to do it for the little one, to finally be at the place in my journey that I could be her strength. 

Yesterday, with all the kiddo's it was easy to see the growth and changes.  I am so very proud of them.  Life hasn't been kind to them, 3 of them lost their dad super young, although I am sure that he is on the other side of the veil beaming with pride, not just today but everyday.  They know that Mom always has their backs as they make this journey, they are finding their way. My heart was simply overflowing. 

I often ponder the negative experiences, I can't remember most of them, to my way of thinking that must mean that I already learned the lesson they were trying to teach me. The ones I can remember, I feel like I haven't quite figured out yet.  There are very few and the older I get there seem to be fewer, I feel blessed. It doesn't stop me from trying to understand the ones that are still in my face.  And there are a few, I will keep working to unravel them, to understand the lessons before me, to make sense of it all. 

I am not the person I was and I know that each morning I am not the person I was the day before.  We are all evolving, learning and growing.  I try to give grace to everyone, I try to understand their point of view and the reasons behind it.  I will admit there are days that I feel... dang you can't fix stupid... because some of what I witness is so frustrating and hurtful to others.  Then I remember it isn't my job to fix stupid, it is their job to learn and grow.  My job is to learn and grow.  I sometimes reflect back on who I was just a couple of decades ago, and I don't recognize her.  Sometimes I feel I am still that lost little girl that my daughter was for a time and that my grand-daughter is becoming for her small bit of time, then I remember all the changes and she fades away. 

I feel there are times that my grandmothers flow through my veins, even my great grandmother (at least the one I knew).  When I am cooking slowly for my family or creating things that I simply seem to know... I was never taught these things, they are simply there.  They seem to simply be a part of my story, of who I am and where I am going in this life. Yet I am still grateful for what they have given me. 

My father taught me many things, he shaped a great deal of who I am.  Some good, some bad, all with love.  When my stubbornness peeks through and I won't back down from something, I know it is his love and his stubbornness that I am feeling. From him, I learned to simply keep trying.  Because my wonderful imperfect Dad did just that.  He always kept trying, he was forever shooting for the stars - you never know you might land on the moon if you do!  He was the pusher, the one that didn't want any of us to accept who or what we were, because he knew there was greater in us.  Did he always do it kindly?  Nope, but I don't believe we would have listened if he had.  Even though on the surface there were times you felt he was withholding love and emotion, if you stayed the course and really focused you knew that he never withheld it, it was always there.  

Today I am going to spend the time in nature, I'm going to honor those on the other side of the veil and ask them what I can learn yet from them... Today is about respecting the past and letting it go, so that I can move fully into the bright future that lay ahead. 

The less attached I am to the world that has been created and structured for us to participate in, the more I understand the world is changing.  That attachments are breaking and reforming. I love these changes, they are filled with love and power... we simply need to grasp them in our hands and treasure what is there...

love and peace... 

the little things...

I find myself completely in love with the little things.  The softness of the wind chimes echoing through the house, coming down stairs in the morning to find my sweet Hubs has cleaned up the kitchen that I was too tired to clean the night before, my coffee sitting prepped and ready for me to pour when I wander down the stairs.  

Hubs gets up so much earlier than I do, seems he rarely sleeps anymore.  When reality is that he goes to bed earlier than I do.  But the blessing of waking up to hot coffee and a clean kitchen... frankly it leaves me without words.  I feel valued and cherished by those two small things. 

Love can be shared in these simple gestures.  Sweet Hubs is an expert at conveying love in the little things.  I cherish this sweet man, I am so very blessed. He goes out of his way to make me smile. 

It sets the tone for my day.  Yes, I know it is silly and I can't really explain why it is such a big thing for me.  I am so grateful for it though.  

It will be a fun filled weekend with family and friends, so it will be a bit busier than normal, those few extra moments are a true gift. I can sit quietly and write, not feeling guilty about what I might be neglecting around my home. 

Anyone else have those moments?  

I neglected chores yesterday, while visiting with a dear friend.  We spent the time working on an assortment of projects, having lunch and running errands.  Since I rarely leave my house during the daytime hours now, it was fun. I was pretty thrilled to completely finish one of my projects while we sat and visited.  

I will have to set up a photo shoot before long, to capture photo's of all of them.  Unfortunately, as they are gifts it will be a while before anyone sees the pictures. 

Sitting here listening to the chimes swirling in the wind, I am actually rather shocked by the fact that we are down to the last two days in October.  It feels surreal. Weren't we just getting ready to celebrate the new year?  But then as I type that, that time feels so far away, a different lifetime. 

So many cycles, events and timelines are ending.  So much is changing.  Not overnight, although it does feel that way.  But swiftly.  And the changes feel wonderful.  I guess I should clarify that I am not looking at external changes, the world has gone completely crazy and upside down.   I have found myself pulling back from all of the craziness at a rate that I can't explain.  I simply do not want to be a part of the insanity swirling around me. 

Driving home last night I was stunned to see the price of gas, $3.17 a gallon at the corner, almost double in a year, they are edging it up a few pennies a week, slowly.  Makes me think of the story about how a frog will cook to death when the temperature is raised slowly. They don't realize it until it is too late. Everything is raising in costs slowly. People are losing more and more, but because of it being slowly they are becoming complacent, accepting that they need the product so they will simply pay the difference without complaint. I find myself wondering how much we are willing to lose before we rise up to challenge it. It will only happen when we simply stop accepting it and step outside of the narrative, the script that has been written for us. 

Yep, I am not okay with the outside changes.  

But the internal ones... those are filling me with hopefulness and joy.  There is something calming in sitting for moments or hours watching the birds outside the window, or working on creating something.  Creating meals with intention, to nourish and heal our bodies, finding peace in a long autumn walk, working side by side to make our lives richer and more vibrant. I am finding great solace in these things and more. 

Ironically, the beauty of tidying ones space or cleaning out things that no longer serve you also creates joy. I was so happy that my friend was able to use some of the things that I had set aside for her.  Who would have ever thought that chores were healing?

I am getting ready to tackle the cookbook collection and the random leadership books that I have stored throughout the house.  If anyone is looking for some leadership books they should let me know.  I have quite a collection, that I no longer want or need.  I have already made the decision that I will never work in a leadership role again. Being responsible for others is simply too much. It eats at your soul and I'm done with that journey. 

At the same time the cookbook collection is also out of control and I refuse to admit how many I currently own, yet how few I actually use. If I haven't used it since I moved into this house, then I know that I know longer need it. I have many that no longer serve me. Again, let me know if there are any in the mix that you would like to have. 

Well, the day is going to start dawning soon and I have things to do to get ready to spend time with my loved ones... Chili needs prepped before the parade and I need to make sure I have the fixings for Bloody Mary's, gotta be able to warm up before and after. 

I hope everyone finds hopefulness and joy in their worlds, that their eyes are opened to the beauty inside and they follow their hopes and dreams.  

Be brave!

reflections and memories...

Happy Friday!  I'm pretty impressed with myself that I remembered the day of the week.  That has increasingly become a challenge for me.  When I stepped away from a traditional work week, I started to notice that days were just words.  They no longer held the stress or joy they used to have.  For me a Friday is simply another day, no better or worse than any others.  Sunday doesn't bring dread of the work week ahead, it's simply a day.  

I so wish this calm and peace for everyone. I am sitting here in my favorite spot with a fire to warm me, debating on putting our last log on to keep it going as I am enjoying the warmth and ambiance so much.  This room brings me so much joy.  It's calming and soothes my spirit. 

Outside the beautiful bay window the wind is raging, the tree branches are such vibrant and beautiful colors even drenched in rain.  This is my season.  

It has been such a week of deep thoughts and unpacking feelings and emotions.  That today feels like a day to have pure hope and joy that the future will ultimately be brighter.  We are going through a dreary, rainy season right now.  Everything feels upside down and inside out, but I can't for a moment not have hope that we will come out on the other side of this in a healed and whole way.  Seeing with our hearts and not our eyes. 

Yesterday on Facebook a memory of 11 years ago popped into my feed, it was of witches hats and broom sticks melted in a puddle of green chocolate.  I was struck by the difference a decade makes.  Halloween is two days away.  I haven't made any special treats, there are no carved pumpkins and the decorations that I carefully moved all over the world when my kids were younger are still in the box downstairs. 

I don't really go all out for any of the traditional holidays any longer, they just seem to commercialized for me.  I find myself digging into the history of the holiday, into the meanings that resonate within my heart.  I am shifting into a different person.  I like this new person better.  

There were a lot of years that I felt strongly driven to stay up late at night and do things like making witches hats out of cookies and candies or severed fingers out of shortbread cookie dough.  Where pumpkins were carved and candles filled them for spooky goodness.  I did those things to make childhood magical for our kids.  My folks had always done that for us.  My daughter has taken that torch and now lights that path for her babies, she doesn't need me to do it.  And Hubs definitely doesn't.  Kids don't really come trick or treating in droves like they used to, although the shops sure want you to believe they will.  We bought one bag of candy - we will use it all up tomorrow at the parade, those kiddo's will hit the jackpot.  We aren't planning to be home on Halloween night.  

As we start looking towards the major holidays that will soon follow,  I feel less connected.  Oh I still love to give Christmas gifts and to gather with the family and friends around the table for a meal, but the days themselves are simply days.  I love to put up my decorations, but the work surrounding it seems daunting most days. It isn't where I want to spend my energies.  

I want to spend my energies enjoying the people that I love.  Celebrating the joy of being surrounded by laughter and pure love.  I don't want the stress I used to willingly sign up for. I am moving into a new phase in life.  

I never understood people that traveled for holidays, I get it now.  The only gifts I want or need come from being with my loved ones.  You can't unwrap that, although... if you want to make me a handmade gift... sign me up!  Because then I know that I was deeply on your mind and in your heart while you made it. 

Not sure what the holidays will look like this year.  The economy is stressful, buying groceries is an exercise in pain and frankly it just feels overwhelming.  I am 99% sure my youngest won't be coming home, but I fully understand that and need to be sure to send their gifts early enough for them to put them under their tree. I don't know what plans our girls have so we will have to chat about that.  Hubs and I are thinking about trips to see family we haven't seen in a bit. Now that my knee is stronger the journey makes sense. 

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but it always makes me long for more time with my family and friends.  

My girl called last night and asked if I wanted to go run a few errands with her and maybe go to the farmers market so the youngest one could play.  I was ready in moments!  It's been such a long time since we did silly everyday things together, it was wonderful.  We never made it to the playground as the rain decided to make it's appearance, but we ran errands, talked, laughed and enjoyed life.  It was wonderful!  She is crazy busy with her own life, so the gift of time was so very precious to me. 

I have plans with family and friends over the next two days and I am over the moon excited.  I enjoy time to kick back and simply be with the people that I love.  It fills my very soul.

A friend is coming to create today.  I love days like this, in fact it is one of the things that has me considering offering beginning quilting lessons.  I could teach people to actually sew clothing, I am more than capable, but it isn't something I particularly enjoy doing myself so... Hubs and I were discussing it this morning.  I have a wonderful collection of vintage machines, he feels that there are lots of people out there that would love to not only learn, but have the opportunity to use the machines.  I am considering it.  

I had so much fun teaching quilting classes at my old Y almost a decade ago.  In fact I made some wonderful friends that I have kept all this time.  I don't know exactly what is stalling me on it, but something is, maybe the time is not right?  When we were down in Sullivan we stopped by this long unused garage that I used to dream of owning.  It would have been a fantastic place to put a shop for people to gather and create, to learn and share. 

It was blue when I used to day dream about it, this past visit it was red with a new door.  The windows are boarded up now and it looks like someone tried to do something with it.  I will admit my heart was a bit crushed.  I would love to have a small space like that to create that kind of paradise. Just not sure how I feel about having people in my own home...  

I think it is something I will explore with the new year.  I helped a friend last year learn some basic sewing skills and she made beautiful keepsakes for her family.  It was such a wonderful day, who knows... 

After the new year I will worry about some of the future things, I simply have enough to keep me busy right now. 

Enjoy this wonderful day, get ready to kick off the spectacular weekend coming up and live your best life!

love and peace...

shrinking to grow...

Hubs and I stopped at the local feed shop to buy our birdseed, our feathered friends count on us for a bit of a supplement to their wild diet.  And we truly enjoy watching them outside the window.  Initially, I wasn't going in, I mean seriously do you need two people to buy a bag of birdseed?  But Hubs called me and told me I needed to come in, that it was critical. Not sure what he wanted to show me I dutifully trotted in.  

As I entered the door the most adorable "greeter" came running towards me, all of his wrinkles wiggling in different directions with the big grin that only a baby English Bulldog could have!  Chunk is an 8 month old bulldog with the same beautiful brindle markings that both of my parents bulldogs had, my heart melted!  He's the owners pup.  He sure tried working me, leading me to all of the boxes of dog treats that were just slightly out of his chubby little reach.  I would have given in and bought him one if he hadn't just dropped the giant hoof he was working on when he saw me come in. 

My day was instantly improved. And it was great to begin with!  I'd been creating and cleaning out all morning, I felt refreshed and energized from all of the productivity that filled my soul.  We'd just come from finishing up the winterizing of our camper and I was working on a Christmas present while we drove.  Yep, I was in an exceptional place.  And the chubby little munchkin just sent it through the roof in the joy department.  I love bulldogs, Hubs... not so much.  It's okay, I just love on everyone else's babies. 

As we were heading out, we hadn't done any further shopping, nothing else was on my list.  But I was deep in thought as we left when I saw the sign.  I have never been a huge proponent of the big box stores.  Although, life had often meant I took the easier path and patronized them.  Just out of exhaustion and poor planning. 

That sign made me seriously stop and think. 

As I walked into the feed store, the counter guy was walking out with Hubs to load the seed - because that is simply what they do. While I was bending over the owner came out of the back as a customer had asked for him.  I only overheard a bit of the conversation, I was standing beside them but was engrossed in puppy love.  The owners father had just passed away the night before, the long time customer was there to offer condolences. There were tears and comforting hugs, an offer of support. 

These are not the kind of experiences you have in a big box store.  I mean I did just detail our final trip to a Walmart in this town, not at all the kind of experience one wants to have. 

So... back to the sign, I was already processing all of what I had just experienced when I notice the sign.  Hubs and I had been having a lot of serious conversations lately regarding where do we spend our hard earned dollars. What do we support?  

The sign brought it into 20/20 focus for me. 

I've been seeing all of the meme's about Christmas being on the ships in LA harbor, the lady riding a jet ski from ship to ship shopping.  While meant to be humorous, it strikes me differently. 

For a long while now I have mourned the loss of the Mom and Pop shops.  The family run diners.   The loss of community surrounding them.  With eyes wide open Hubs and I long ago made it our quest to not frequent the chain restaurants unless there was absolutely no other option (for example traveling and all that is available) we absolutely don't frequent fast food - with the exception of an occasional Mango water from Sonic.  And yes, I understand and respect that most of the places are semi-locally owned. 

I find myself shopping more and more from local crafters and artisans (if I cannot make it myself), I find myself willing drive the extra distance to find a local butcher, stopping at farmers markets and roadside stands to support the families. We haven't been doing it enough.  We are definitely going to be doing it more. 

For far too long we have been part of the problem.  Supporting big box businesses.  I have felt the shift in my heart in the past few months during our travels, when I have bought my fabrics and yarns from small local shops.  Do I wish that there were more mills here in our country again, yes.  Will I always purchase roving or handspun yarn from someone working hard to earn a living, yes.  Can we do even better... I believe we can. 

Instead of finding ourselves tied to the whims and worry of the big companies, can you imagine the impact of community supporting one another?  

Just like I said yesterday, as I am cleaning out my closets I want to give my nice clothing to friends and family, heck even my neighbors if they could use it.  I am finding more neighbors doing the same, people are giving their extra's or no longer needed items to their local community.  It fills my heart with joy to see posts for puzzles, books, furnishings, even laundry detergent, people are helping people. 

I've seen posts that this person has too many herbs, tomatoes or zucchini and they are offering it to anyone willing to come and get it and use it. I didn't have too much, in fact I am still harvesting the last of it, and praying for a few more weeks above freezing, but I will share if anyone needs it. 

People are offering their talents and skills to one another at a fair rate, the money they are earning is in turn being spent locally.  Everywhere I turn there is another opportunity to go small.  Sometimes it costs a few pennies more, but I do believe it will all balance out. I mean seriously have you bought groceries lately?  Dear lord!  And gas is over $3.18 a gallon, was it really $1.50 in January?  People need to wake up and take control back... 

I don't think everything can be purchased small, at least not yet.  But I do believe we are heading in that direction. The world is definitely changing.  We stopped at the local grocery last night Hubs is craving tamales and I found a recipe that would allow me to a tamale pie without grains for him, as we picked up a few random items I saw shelves bare.  As I looked at what exactly was missing I found it super interesting.  The items were things that honestly none of us has any business consuming anyhow.  Sugar laden drinks for children, processed corn-syrup filled snacks, basically the junk that has been slowly killing us all of decades was in short supply.  

My brain had to question if that was the "stuff" sitting in the harbor or had people panic bought like they did with toilet paper? 

Will switching to a more local buying mindset change some of our consumer patterns?  Of course.  Yet as Hubs and I are moving into a different phase in life, I am noticing that some of old patterns have already slipped away.  He used to buy me clothes to distraction, I'd tease him that he'd evidently always wanted a doll to dress because I could never wear everything he bought me. Since spring, I have bought a few things to switch from a professional lifestyle to a casual lifestyle, but I am not in a hurry to buy more clothing.  I feel so much more freedom having just a few things per season.  And that selection is going to get smaller, I simply don't need it all. 

Hubs is becoming the same way. He's lost a lot of weight, and truthfully he will need to purchase some clothes soon.  But it's a minimal amount that he is willing to spend. It simply doesn't seem important, we are planning for next steps. As we step back from consumerism we are finding a sense of peace and comfort. We'd rather have funds for doing things instead of owning things. Shoot even the campgrounds we are frequenting are mostly small family owned. 

Do you support the local businesses?  Am I being too simplistic in my thoughts?

A town next to ours has a special ballot out there to raise their city tax by 1%.  A lot of people mindlessly vote for those increases without doing their homework.  I have been watching it with great interest, because some of the businesses that I like to frequent are in that town.  As the discussions have been raging on with some people are pointing out that none of the other tax increases have sunset yet and it will bring their city tax to over 10%, people are starting to take notice.  Several people have questioned why there are not formal plans for what that 1% will go to, just a 5 year "infrastructure plan" to repair their roads.  I will admit their roads need the help, but why do you need a 40 year 1% increase to take care of a 5 year project.  The part that I am finding most fascinating is the number of people that are finally pointing out the damage it will do to the small businesses. The locally owned ones that get their bread and butter from the local community. 

How many communities have used this same logic?  1% seems like nothing.  So minimal, sure let's vote yes, our streets suck... you get the picture.  Yet when someone applied that 1% increase to the price of buying a car in their town (by the way they aren't going to tax the car sales) the increase in sales tax would be $100 per $10,000.  Do the math. 

Between big box businesses, chain stores and restaurants the little guys are struggling to simply survive. Add to that tax increases that push consumers into other cities... well to me it just doesn't make sense.  

Maybe, just maybe it is time to start thinking small.  The majority of jobs are provided by the small fries.  The majority of money that is turned right back into our communities comes from those very people, they generously support fundraisers and events in the community, because they love and believe in their community.  Have you ever tried for support from the big boxes? I have... it's not about love... it's about how they can write it off and its a form. 

Next week Hubs and I will order our wood from the feed store, and I think it's time I spend a little of my time finding the best places to support local. I want to be part of the solution. I want to stop feeding the machine that is destroying our country.  

I want to be part of the small movement, and not just on "Small Business Saturday"... I want to support the families that get up each day to make a difference.  The ones that bring their pets to work with them, that create relationships where someone will come out to offer condolences during a tragedy or loss.  I want to support the places that have small fundraiser jars on their counter because someone connected to them needs help.  The ones that you find giving their staff the day off to fill sandbags during floods.  The ones where you can talk to the people and get to know them.  

Maybe we need to eliminate the excess and get back to simpler times?  I mean it's just a thought... a thought I am turning into action... Wanna join me?  I'm dying to hear some ideas...

do good...

Oh my goodness!  A toasty fire is blazing to warm my toes, the house is filled with the goodness of the lemon ricotta muffins baking (who would have thought you could have tasty muffins without grains?) and the sun is slowly rising just over my shoulder out of the bay window. 

Such a wonderful start to the day.  The nights are finally getting cool enough for the leaves to start changing colors and the mornings are crisp enough to have my fires.  Life is truly good when you break it down into the smaller moments.  

I've really shifted my perspective this year.  I used to be such a crazy planner, someone that needed the decade picture, not the daily.  With all of the changes that have occurred this year, I am no longer the person that needs to see the entire road ahead.  I walk more by faith. Far more by trusting my heart to lead me. 

I was penciling some items on my calendar today, you know those little things that need to be remembered, time with family and friends.  Plans for the cooking that will start today for a friend in need. Notes to remind me of the important things, of benchmarks I personally want to achieve in the next few weeks, you know... those kind of things.  As I went to turn to next week I was stunned to realize that it is already November next week.  Time is seriously dashing past. 

I know that I've been focusing a lot on addressing the fear that is so prevalent in our world these past few days. I might have even concerned a few of you as my phone sure did ring a lot yesterday with check in's and who do I need to pray for inquiries.  I am really in an incredible space in life.  I honestly feel like I am where I have been meant to be for a very long time. This year has been an incredible blessing for me. Freeing. 

Yesterday I came down to the kitchen for a refill on my water when a flash of red caught my eye on the deck.  As I paused to look out there were three beautiful cardinals inside the netting of our gazebo.  The day before had very high winds and my only guess was that they had come in looking for shelter and food as Hubs and I had forgotten to refill the feeders and couldn't figure out how to leave.  

They were panicked, flying helter skelter around crashing into everything.  I was afraid that I was going to have to clean up their poor broken dead bodies.  I went outside and admittedly held my breath as I rapidly opened the netting on the side furthest away from them to avoid causing them more distress or injury.  One of the three immediately saw the escape route and rushed to it.  The two bigger ones a male and a female didn't even notice.  The one that had escaped was sitting on the branch just outside in freedom calling to them, probably giving guidance in bird speak, yet they refused to fly to that side of the deck.  

They were exhausting themselves. They were becoming increasingly agitated and in distress.  I finally went back out and took my chances.  I was able to help the female leave as she was on the ground where I could life the netting from the distance and not scare her too much.  But the male... goodness was he stubborn and terrified.  He kept flying into the closed netting, completely oblivious to the fact that freedom was so close at hand. 

Just as I was able to lift the netting to allow him to slip out he finally realized there was a full wall open behind him and flew out through the opening.  They sat in the trees just beyond my deck seeming to scold me for their previous predicament. Failing to see their role in all of it. 

It honestly seemed like I was watching what so many people are dealing with today. 

I have been listening to a lot of astrologers lately, I have always been fascinated with astrology, the consistency of the stars and planets as they move silently above us. I wanted to study astrology when I was a much younger woman, but I gave into the pressure of those around me when they said it would be a waste of time and money.  Not a career path that would benefit me.  This older woman now understands that learning something for the sake of learning something you are passionate about is a far greater gift to oneself than doing things you are not passionate about. 

It seems we have moved into a time that is going to be a bit intense.  That the planets now ruling our skies are going to be forcing things to the light, that we will simply have to deal with things we haven't wanted to look at and examine. The heavens are giving us a chance to clear out the stuff that doesn't serve us any longer and revealing things that will serve us. 

While the world is going through this turbulent time I am personally going to focus on doing everything I can to help others.  I'm sorting through belongings that don't serve me and figuring out how I can use the items to help others. The way our economy is right now, there are many that can use the items I no longer need.  

Yesterday I went through my closet, having given up grains and sugars I have lost a bit of weight, and there was no sense in holding on to clothing I can't wear.  It killed me to remove some of my favorite sweaters and pants that I never had a chance to even wear, many items were from when I worked outside the house.  They definitely would not be appropriate for my daily routine.  I've held on to them, it was a mental attachment to physical items that I didn't need.  As I folded them I thought about family and friends that could potentially use them.  I offered them up.  After my family and close friends "shop" I will figure out who else I know that might be able to use them.  I don't really want to give them to a resale shop, I would prefer to donate them to people I know. I want to help them. 

Today, I will start the three weeks of cooking that I promised a good friend.  He is having a medical treatment that will mean he will need a liquid diet, his wife is recovering from surgery, I love to cook... seems like a perfect solution.  Sweet Hubs will deliver the food, it will make his life a bit easier.  I have time and the skill and tools to provide it.  

I am trying to support others as much as I can.  Trying to lead with love and compassion.  I am finding examples of others doing the same thing.  The man that was injured in the road rage incident is still in the hospital with multiple surgeries still needing to done, one of his neighbors posted a P.O. Box on Nextdoor asking people to send a card if they felt inclined to do so.  My heart soared with the number of people asking for the address so they could cheer him up on his long road to recovery.

Neighbors are reaching out to others to offer help where needed, the simple things yard mowing while people are recovering from illness and injuries.  Offers of produce from gardens... so many wonderful things are happening. 

I am choosing to let the fear and anxiety slide past, I am choosing to focus on the good that we can do for one another.  Anyone else? I am choosing to be like the first cardinal, I want to fly free from the confinement that we are finding ourselves surrounded by.

Love and peace...

a hard nut to crack...

Was it only yesterday that I felt strongly compelled to talk about fear?  No even 24 hours?  Yesterday we found out that one of my family members has been hospitalized with the virus. The same family member has received both of their shots. I am praying hard. I am questioning so much.  I had it in January, I was hospitalized for pneumonia connected to it. I understand how it makes you feel, how scary the sealed rooms they put you in feel, how frightening the isolation and loneliness is, I understand all of it.  Yes, each persons journey with it is different. I am praying from a place of understanding. 

My understanding stops when the bullying kicks in. I am so tired of bullying and people pushing their own beliefs as the final answer.  Sorry, last time I checked we are all connected to God/Source, but not a single one of us is the divine. We don't know the answers, we don't have the guidebook to life, we are here to learn experience and grow in love. 

At some point we have to agree to disagree and do it civilly. 

I heard the fear when I was told about my family member.  Fear not of the virus, but for the person, they have many health issues already and this only makes it that much more of a serious issue. The fear of loss was strong.  

Fear can also be dangerous.  Because family and friends then started pushing the shot to those without.  First off when did a person's medical issues, beliefs and concerns become public fodder.  Secondly, did any of those pushing stop for a moment and think about it?  I mean really consider the facts laid out before them?  One actually presented false media facts to back their insistence. What about the fact that several of those that had opted in were all sick with the virus, yet none of the folks that had opted out were?

I know of two people that have been hospitalized in serious condition in recent months.  Both of them have had the double jab. Both of them ended up very, very sick. The first to the point of almost dying. I think if you have had the shots and ended up hospitalized with the illness that the last thing you would do is insist that your loved ones get the shot when they haven't ended up sick. That you would want more time to process things before insisting on that course of action. 

Each person has their own path to follow.  Support one another for your individual decisions, but don't belittle, condemn, criticize or attack someone that doesn't agree with you.  

To coin a phrase that I've heard far too often in a negative way lately "come on man".  Please be gentle and caring with others.  Please try to understand that your thoughts and fears do not necessarily equal theirs, that they may have other thoughts and fears that are just as valid. 

When people are already in a battle with fear and angst, piling more on is not the answer. I am a firm believer that what is right for me, might not be right for you.  I will support and lift up your decisions and beliefs, but I always expect the same in return. And it doesn't matter what the subject is, the topic for discussion (or as is often the case - divisiveness) always has two sides at a minimum.  My sweet Hubs often quotes a song lyric - "wouldn't it be a drag if we were all the same"... how very true. 

I'm tired of us all being pitted against each other at every turn.  Is it about race, religion, beliefs, sexuality, money, education and now even medical issues?  In my minds eye, I almost envision an ancient Roman Colosseum with the elite all betting on the poor commoners fighting for their entertainment in the circle below.   What can they throw in to make the game more interesting, to entertain their bored souls while they toy with the rest of us. 

To me that is how it feels.  I don't care if you do or don't do any of it.  I care if you don't value me as a human, I care if you feel that my own feelings and beliefs on any topic are irrelevant.  That my concerns are not valid or worthy of consideration.  Then I care.  

I firmly believe that is the space we need to get back to as the human race.  One of caring, concern, understanding and empathy.  

The conversations need to shift in a different direction, the call last night should have been filled with love, concern, prayers.  With questions regarding how to help and support. Not the you must do this also spiel. That part of the conversation didn't belong as a part of what was happening. 

I will reach out today, to send love and prayers, I live way too far away to be of any physical use.  I will support everyone that needs the love and support, or that wants it for that matter. But I won't play stupid games. That cycle of fear is not one that I will personally engage in. 

And it truly breaks my heart that people are willing to be callous and hurtful because they are in a bubble of fear. That they will site false facts to support their beliefs and try to sway another's thoughts.  

I long to live in a simpler world.  This morning I was scrubbing my black walnuts, they require a lot of effort and time.  I was working through my frustration as I scrubbed, I have about 90 more to finish scrubbing today so that they can dry out for use.  As I was scrubbing I was thinking about the past, how people were fitter, stronger and there was less idle chaos.  I do believe that idle hands are the devil's playground so to speak (I don't believe in the devil - although I believe in pure evil and each of us is a mix of the light and the dark).  As I scrubbed away I realized that in reality people were just too busy surviving to expend the energy on these kind of things.  

Oh I am not naive, I am well aware that there has always been discord and petty fighting - human nature I guess.  But when you are busy and engaged in living a meaningful life, you have little time for worrying about someone else not following your personal playbook. 

The fear that was lavishly thrown around last night was harmful and hurtful.  At some point we all need to stop and take a deep breath.  We need to consider if the words we speak and the things we personally do are improving life around us or harming it. 

I guess fear is definitely the topic of the week.  I feel it is raging out of control and people are too fearful to even question their own feelings and reactions and the effects of what they might inadvertently be causing. 

Today is calling for silence and reflection.  Today is calling for me to step back, to meditate and pray.  To not step into the chaos and bitterness that is being thrown around like candy at a parade. Today I will focus on being busy and to keep moving forward in love.  

When you are able to keep your hands busy, your mind occupied and your thoughts clear, life makes a heck of a lot more sense. At least in my world it does... what clears your world may be completely different. 

love and peace my friends... 

exploring fear...

I'm old enough to remember Joan Rivers' famous line... "can we talk?" I feel like it is something I need to say today.  I've had a thought brewing heavily in my brain for about a week.  Little snippets connected by external forces and things.  Almost as if it the conversation or discussion was being shaped and formed. 

I must have been overly exhausted last night, as my Fitbit was sure to point out that I had slept just 3 minutes shy of 10 hours.  I know I was up briefly during the night, because I couldn't shake the thoughts I want to talk about until I assured myself I would write this morning, then sleep came rushing back. 

So... can we talk about fear?  I am fairly certain that I have been healing more than just my leg, in fact, I feel like my leg was just there to slow me down and force me to do the harder internal healing. In my case, and I am sure in many other's also, the main thing to heal from is fear. 

Fear takes many forms.  And I truly believe it is taught to us, it isn't something we come into this world with, it's a learned behavior.  How many times have you heard someone say about about a young child that they are fearless?  As a parent have you watched your baby or grandbaby do things that make you hold your breath and stare frozen at the possible outcomes?

I firmly believe the very young haven't been indoctrinated to fear on any level and are therefore super free and able to fully experience life. That is until the adults step in and start sharing wisdom or at least what we think is wisdom. 

As soon as the structure starts being put into place, the rules, the do's and don't's something very precious changes.  I believe that as soon as we start to understand those innocent phrases a groundwork is laid that keeps us in fear for possibly the rest of our lives.  "Be careful that is hot, don't touch it or you will burn yourself", "slow down you will fall", and worst of all "be careful".

All innocent, all meant with only the best of intentions and all limiting. How limiting?  Depends on the person receiving the guidance. 

I am by no means an expert at anything, I am simply living my life and trying to make sense of it on a day to day basis. I am studying life and learning along the way.  Trying to keep my mind and spirit open.  I think that is why this is so very profound for me personally. 

I have spent my entire life until very recently as the docile, do as I'm told fearful person.  Oh there have been times when I was brave enough to do what my soul led me to do, but it was always with the fear of repercussions.  The question of what is the cost lingering in my mind. 

The sister nearest to me in age always appeared to be the brave one.  I was always envious of her as a teen.  She was willing to blaze her own trail, do what she wanted, hang with friends that she wanted, explore boundaries... all the stuff I longed to do, but didn't.  I was the one that followed those rules like they had been written in my own blood.  As if breaking them would lead me straight to hell with a do not pass go card. I gotta tell you I was so jealous of her freedom, her fearlessness. 

I so wanted to be like her.  I wanted to do my own thing.  Be my own person.  I was simply too afraid. 

That has been the story of my life until recently.  I lived in a world of what if's.  I took the college classes picked for me, I followed all the rules, I didn't buy the car, clothes, etc that I wanted.  I let the people both close and irrelevant to me guide every step. 

I was personally ruled by fear.  Even leaving a marriage that had been crumbling for years and years was something I was too afraid to do.  The what if's were HUGE, I was terrified of everything.  What if I couldn't take care of myself and my kids, what if we ended up living on the streets, what if I wasn't strong enough... you get the picture right? It wasn't that I was miserable, I simply didn't have the courage to recognize that what we had, had run its course.  Thank goodness he was braver than I was. 

Everything started changing in little bitty steps when Hubs came into my world.  That was the beginning of my transformation.  He didn't transform me, I did. It's been a very slow, and I am sure from his space, painful process. 

Almost twenty years ago, I finally had to face a lot of those fears head on.  My entire world was changed.  Career, health, marriage, family... all of it was shaken to it's very core.  The bubbling cauldron had finally boiled over. 

I can't say I conquered all the fear then.  I didn't.  Not even close. But it was definitely the point of rebuilding me as a human.  To starting to live a life with less fear.  Have I made mistakes on the journey, heck yeah.  Do I still hold many of those mistakes close to my heart with the sharp points aimed inwards?  Everyday. 

I regret not being a better mom, to not realizing the damage that being afraid to be brave and forward moving caused.  It was not on purpose, it was simply that I was afraid.  I held on too tightly, afraid of losing what was most precious to me - without realizing, it wasn't mine to hold on to.  It was mine to help form and release.  Hard lessons. Painful lessons. 

I have let fear guide me for far too long.  How many of you have had the running mantra in your head of what if I'm not good enough?  Or maybe what if I don't do my job exactly how they want me to... will I lose my job?  What if I make a mistake, will there be grace?  What if I am not what others expect... personality, manners, speech, style, weight, health, religion, beliefs, personal belongings... the list is almost endless. 

Then 2020 happened.  

I know that I am not alone in the massive changes that have happened since the beginning of 2020.  The global community as a whole has dealt with the massive ego deaths that have been occurring on this planet. So much of what has felt safe and secure has fallen away.  I wish I could feel confident that we are close to the end, but I definitely do not believe it. 

You can see fear everywhere you turn.  It's shoved down peoples throats.  It's in their eyes.  The uncertainty, the anxiety, the unknown that keeps changing. 

A new world is forming.  But to get there, it requires some work on our part.  A willingness to let go of fear, to face the unknown with bravery and joy.

2021 has dug in deeper to altering me even more than 2020 began to do, it even tried to rival 2002.  The difference is I have been learning since 2002.  I have been growing. Things that used to scare me, live in the scrap bin for the most part.  

Fear is nothing more than the old adage of "false evidence appearing real", do I still fall victim to it?  All the time.  Yesterday we were at a party for a little one year old, I didn't know her, but wanted a special and unique present, so Hubs and I picked a pattern and I made her a hat - winter is coming after all.  Nothing special, just a little red hat made to look like Elmo.  My anxiety was off the chain.  I was in a group of people where I only knew two people, I was giving a gift that was handmade (one of my biggest sources of anxiety) and I felt lacking. 

So much so that I almost missed her opening the gift.  Everyone loved it (I was so embarrassed, I simply don't do well with that kind of recognition) but best of all the baby loved it and was not happy when it was taken away so that she could open more gifts.  I'd felt all of that anxiety for nothing. It was replaced with a calm joy.

I still have so many fears surrounding my work, the things that I create.  Hubs wanted to take my business cards to a party the other night, I almost threw up from the anxiety, needless to say we didn't take them.  I struggled with feelings of self doubt and self worth.  All of these feelings are rooted in fear. 

My world changed 100% this year.  I am on a completely different path than I was in January.  I admit I feel guilty about how happy it makes me. I feel free. It was terrifying and there are moments it still is, but the change was something my soul truly needed!

I'm still battling fear.  I'm still afraid of the unknown. Only now those things are just a little anxiety inducing, breaking free of the traditional social structure is unnerving.  Refusing to allow others to dictate my life is a bit terrifying, but it gets easier every day. 

I don't have other people telling me what I have to think, feel or do.  I don't feel like every step I take is being judged or measured.  I remember not to long ago making a statement to a friend that I felt like every word I uttered and every action I took was being measured to determine my worth.  I don't feel that any longer.  I woke up to the reality that the person that was creating those feelings to be part of my reality was actually the one with the issues and that was how they controlled others. 

Fear is about control.  If people want to control you they keep you in fear. It's not even just people, fear is used to control everything, think of a dog or cat that fears his owner.  I firmly believe that fear is created by keeping you ignorant.  

I love to learn.  I explore many topics, ideas, and lessons.  The more I've learned in a non-traditional manner, the more I have grown as a human. My sweet Hubs is my enabler, my fear avenger, he pushes me gently to follow my own path in a completely supportive, non-judgmental manner. 

I was listening to several podcasts yesterday, ironically all of them were about the lessons of overcoming fear and doing the work to move ahead.  To return to your childlike state.  Ironically over the course of this year I have had several readings that told me that I was working on returning to the joy and wonder of childhood.  They said I had more lessons, but I was making great progress. 

I guess my question is... how are you facing fear?  Are you learning and growing? Waking up to the things that have held you captive?  Are you making a plan to move away from those fears?  Or are you allowing them to make you a bitter and unhappy person.  Someone that lives their life checking boxes and moving in lockstep with external controls. 

I felt guilty this weekend for being out of that matrix.  For finding joy in my life.  I felt like I was personally letting others down.  I'm not guilty of anything.  I am happy.  I stepped out of a box that didn't fit me and while I haven't quite found the perfect mix and I am not about to jump into a box, I truly feel like I am on the path to sorting it out. 

Find your inner strength.  Only follow paths that make you feel happy and fulfilled.  If you aren't doing that... dig deeper.  Don't be afraid, be brave.

rolling in...

So much going on lately makes no sense to me.  People are angry and full of hatred, driving on the streets is hectic and stressful. So much road rage and frustration.  We spent days away from it all, the small towns that we frequented were so different than the bigger city I live in.  We wandered aimlessly, in and out of small stores, we chatted with people and enjoyed our travels. 

Since being home there is so much discord everywhere we go.  People are not speaking to each other, they are fussy.  It feels like a pressure cooker.  I am not a fan of this current state of affairs. I already miss the peace of last week. 

Running errands today was stressful, we made the mistake of stopping in a Walmart, never my favorite, but we were short on time and it would be one stop.  Besides the Walmart down in the country was delightful, oh how quickly one forgets reality. 

I am not a fan of all the self-checkouts.  Nor do I love waiting for an extended period of time for someone to come over when it doesn't work right.  And the constant rearranging of the aisles is enough for insanity. It wore me out.  Finding five items (two of which they didn't have) and checking out took over an hour.  So very, very frustrating.  Listening to how unhappy everyone around me was... ugghhh...

I am questioning so many things right now.  But mostly I am taking a deep breath and stepping back.  I am finding the best way of dealing with the shifts in people is to literally step away.  I long to find myself walking in the sunshine on a trail far from the crabby chaos. 

I am listening to the sound of a storm trying to roll in, it's needed.  The air is charged with electricity, it's stale and humid.  It's also warm, it almost hit 80 today. All of those things signals an impending storm.  It might head south of us, but being under a tornado watch for the majority of the day definitely doesn't make the intensity in people any smoother. 

Sweet Hubs will return to work tomorrow, this has been the fastest week ever.  To see the look on his face tonight while we were at a party for a friends one year old grand-daughter when he realized it was Sunday night was heart-breaking.  He loves his job and his team, but precious time off seems to simply fly past.  His plate will be full tomorrow, it always is when you return from a week away. 

I will stay in my quiet bubble tomorrow.  Doing my chores, decompressing from the stress of angry people, and working on the quilt I was commissioned to do.  There is so much to accomplish and it will definitely be "that kind of Monday" here at the house.  Although, I am actually looking forward to catching up and getting organized.  

I have been so blessed to spend many wonderful hours with people that I love and care deeply about.  It's the strangers that can be so unkind that I don't understand.  While we were down on the Meramec there was a road rage incident here in town that made my blood run cold.  Two men in their early 70's actually pulled off the road to "discuss" things.  The end result... after what appeared to be a fist fight, one of them climbed into their car and used it as a weapon to run the other over several times.  Both of these men will spend the rest of their lives in less than ideal circumstances, one has a very long recovery that will no doubt result in pain for the remainder of his life, the other is most likely prison bound.  

I can't believe it is the full moon causing this insanity, it didn't just occur.  Everywhere you turn or look there is simply more of this courageousness.  What is it going to take to get humans treating one another decently again?  Where is all this bitterness and angst coming from?  Lack of oxygen or the fear mongering all sources of media? Are they simply unable to step back and look into their hearts?  There are thefts, beatings, foul words, and hatred spewing everywhere.  It's like the world is walking on eggshells and has no idea how to right oneself. 

Here's a start... turn off your television.  Same thing with the radio. Stop and have a few conversations with strangers, we are far more alike than different....

So much to ponder.  To think through and process. 

I'm thankful for the peace that I have.  I'm thankful for the joy I find in my day to day life. I am looking forward to self-isolating for a few days.  I need to space to reset after these past two days of peopling. 

Love and peace everyone... 

around the campfire...

Sitting here by the dying embers of the fire in my fireplace at home, is so very different than by the campfire.  Just as relaxing and centering for me, but so very different.  I feel a fire is healing, probably not too ironic for a Leo birth sign.  I could sit by a fire all day, it calms me, causes me to feel centered and balanced. 

As we sat beside our final night campfire on Thursday it felt like we had just arrived, neither of us could believe that 5 wonderful days had flown by in what felt like the blink of an eye. We stayed up late to watch the last of the embers.  We'd already realized that we would be winterizing our camper the next day, as the campgrounds either close or go to dry camping only far too soon.  

a fire and full moon

As we are early risers we both made sure to be up and bundled for our final campfire yesterday morning.  Every last bit of firewood was enjoyed while sipping our coffee and enjoying the moon setting behind the ridge as the sun rose on the other ridge.  We were both a bit chilled as the embers finally faded, 46 is a bit chilly when you have been snuggled up to a crackling fire. 

The peace of welcoming a full moon and end of the Mercury retrograde while lounging beside our warm campfires filled both of our hearts with a calmness, with joy and happiness.  I felt like a kid again.  I know that I cannot be an RV person full time, I need my home and space, that brings me a different kind of peace, but it is so very, very hard to leave the campsite. 

We didn't go far, only about 90 minutes from home, just far enough.  Yet so much happened during those five days.  

I was just finishing up one of the Christmas presents I started yesterday while lingering over my coffee, my thoughts swirling like mad, wondering if the weather had lied to us yet again. We were supposed to spend a day outside with friends at their cabin, but the promise of non-stop rain had us changing plans last minute.  

as Hubs pointed out... me fishing..

All week I had my calendar with me and barely managed to write a thing, yet we were busy each day.  Expending time like it was going out of style.  We haunted antique stores, found fishing holes (definitely not enough), we walked and walked and walked, we explored little towns, we collected black walnuts, spied on baby raccoons playing in the moonlight along the walking trail, we watched the deer playing in the almost vacant campground and we hiked. 

can you find the raccoon?

The first couple of days were very uncomfortable for my knee, I was worried that I had made a bad decision, but then by the third morning I realized I wasn't walking stiff, that it was bending and I could easily step over the uneven ground and tree limbs and roots.  It almost felt normal.  It's still a bit tight and initially I struggle a bit, but I can actually use it almost normal.  How do I know? Did you notice that I said I hiked?  

look who's leading!

so many deer...

On Thursday, after longingly looking at all the hiking trails - and admittedly being very jealous on my niece that goes hiking and posts amazing pictures - I talked Hubs into trying a hiking trail. All of the trails at Meramec State Park are moderate or rough.  So I studied their descriptions of the landscaping and what you would encounter on all of the moderate trails.  I was definitely determined. 

The trail I really wanted to take unfortunately had a lot of steep inclines and declines, and I knew my knee is not a fan of those at all.  Want to mess me up?  Send me on a path with a lot of downhills, I can handle uphill fairly well, but downhill... nope not good for me. 

ready to conquer my fears!

So I grudgingly settled for path number 2.  I even agreed to use my cane (shhh... don't tell Hubs, but the only reason is because I don't currently own a walking stick) to insure that I was able to keep my balance.  It was not only breathtakingly beautiful, but the accomplishment!!!  I hiked!!  So many self limiting ideas vanished in that moment.  As I made it to the top of the first small hill, I was fairly certain that I was invincible.  I am sure my dear sweet Hubs was losing his ever loving mind as he followed me.  I felt stronger and braver with each step.  After 12 long weeks of recovery and years of pain, I was finally able to do something that I love more than anything, I was able to hike in the forest.  

And this is the perfect time of year for it if you ask me.  The temperature was cool (great on several accounts - I don't like to be hot and the snakes are hibernating!), the breezed was swirling the falling leaves all around us and the colors are spectacular. I am definitely an autumn girl.  It is my preferred season. 

I took my laptop with me.  I fully intended to blog each day.  Yet something about the stillness of the river, the beauty all around me, the flow of the days.  I simply couldn't.  I had no desire to connect to the greater world. 

I spent hours walking, sitting in the sunshine, knitting and crocheting, playing cards, reading, star gazing and simply enjoying the time with my sweet Hubs.  The thought of anything external seemed like an intrusion.  The fact that the internet was so spotty as we discovered when Hubs had to do some work only seemed to reinforce that it was definitely something I did not want to engage in.  

I was fussy when work intruded for Hubs.  I didn't want to be, but dang it felt disrespectful.  I remember when I was never able to completely shut off, I didn't realize until it wasn't an issue anymore how deeply damaging it is to never be able to disconnect. At the time you feel needed, you feel valued.  From this side of the coin... it's disrespectful.  You are not being treated as a human, you are being treated as property.  You are not being valued, with an understanding that as a person that gives all the time you occasionally need to recharge, to refill your own bucket... nope you are simply the easy answer.  I hate when people treat each other like that. 

How did we survive before the advent of electronic leashes?  Oh yeah, we used our own brain power to problem solve or we waited...

Okay off my soap box, soon Hubs will retire and that will no longer be a thing. 

Back to the forest, river and surrounding beauty.  I decided instead of just trying to turn my ankles on all of the black walnuts, I was going to harvest some.  I have two bag fulls that have already had the hulls removed that I gathered in lieu of another hike yesterday.  I haven't tried harvesting them for years, but decided I was going to go for it. Today I will scrub the shells and store them down in the furnace room for the next few weeks.  If everything goes as planned we will be able to enjoy them right around the holidays.  

Meramec River

card shark...

Hubs got carded buying wine, only in Uranus!

It sure felt like a hard jolt back to reality yesterday. We'd stayed at the campsite until the last possible moment and if there wasn't someone coming in to take the site we would probably still be sitting there. It felt like such a final end to the season to winterize the camper.  I know that we can still go dry camping, but I might be too spoiled to have to walk in the cold to a shower/bathroom.  But I am definitely not going to say it will never happen.  Hubs and I tend to decide strange things all the time.  

Touching back down to home base definitely filled up the to do list a bit.  Or maybe it's simply called adulting?  Yesterday, we rushed to do most of the yard work before we took the camper back to the storage unit.  The promised rain definitely looks like it will arrive, so it is a good thing that we rushed to complete the task, we were almost at the point we needed to consider a grazing animal to keep the lawn under control.  I still need to trim back the gardens and put them to bed for the winter.  Just the idea makes me sad. 

I am so thankful for those five beautiful days and nights, I feel energized and ready to take on the world.  Thankfully, my mind and body seem to both be in the same place at the same time... I know this is picture heavy... sorry... nope not sorry... hope you can cherish the beauty with us... 

peace and love...