I might have slept in a bit this morning, so I missed the sunrise, although sleeping for the majority of almost 10 hours was a true blessing. I feel rested and energized today. Which is good news I have company coming today. I can't wait!
I even managed to navigate the edges of the garden this morning and care for a few of my plants. I am going to have Hubs help me string up one of the red peppers to dry by this weekend. It's the only one truly ready to pick, so it will air dry. The rest might dry in the dehydrator. There are about 6 of them that will all be ready in the same window of time.
It felt good to be able to do some of my "normal" stuff this morning. I will even admit to doing a bit of my normal stuff yesterday, now that Hubs knows and I won't get into trouble. I managed to figure out how to do a lot of my ironing, and he was such a sweetie about putting it away. It felt so calming to sit there and gently coax weeks worth of wrinkles out of the fabric. To feel like I was nurturing and caring for sweet Hubs, giving and not just receiving. My guilt about not getting it done before surgery was evidently stronger than I realized. I might try to finish up today, we'll see. Like I said, I have company coming and I am quite excited about that.
I had gone almost 24 hours without doing the intense part of my therapy when I did it yesterday. Note to self, don't do that! I am now committed to making sure I don't miss a single one. Because 12 hours is a long time, even if it doesn't seem like it and 24 is an eternity when you are trying to reeducate your muscles. Last night's therapy was brutal and the aftermath felt like day one again. I need to keep that first and foremost in my mind. It wasn't that I didn't want to do it, frankly it feels amazing while I am doing it (afterwards - well... that's a bit of another story). I was exhausted the night before and fell asleep before doing my therapy and then Sweet Hubs had to leave so early and I wanted a shower more than I wanted therapy. Frankly, I figured it wasn't a huge issue to push it off. Lesson learned.
I also discovered yesterday, that no matter how tired I start to feel while sitting here, if I just get up and move around I find energy. Armed with my hand-stitching beside me, I spent the day pleasantly forcing myself to stay awake. And I made it until almost 8 pm. The big girl lessons helped me sleep good last night. Although, I never realized that my upstairs simply isn't that large. It always felt HUGE, but when you are walking in circles, it isn't.
Patience... two weeks ago I was a quarter of the way through my surgery. Today, I was in my garden having coffee. I am learning to be calmer and to have more patience. Not sure I am there yet, but I sure as heck am trying!
I caught a glimpse of the news yesterday. My heart ached. So much is going crazy and wonky in our world. So much is the fault of people not giving respect, compassion and understanding. I feel we have a few too many powerful people that simply want to play God. They want to decide, force, create what works best for them and the rest of the world is expected to play a supporting role to their grandiose visions.
My heart is breaking for the situation in Afghanistan. And maybe not in the way one would think. I am not an Afghan, I don't know what their hearts want. Maybe they feel comforted being "ruled", be it by a government supported by outside troops or by the Taliban. I don't know. The fact that little resistance has been mounted to prevent what has occurred leads me to believe their hearts were not in it.
That is neither here, nor there. My heart is breaking for the thousands, upon thousands of lives that have spent the better part of 20 years fighting for and protecting a space of land so far from our own country. For the young men and women that have given unselfishly, at the request of their country, far too many paying the ultimate price and even more that live with the scars of it all every day.
I am angry.
I'm angry because the more I learn, the more I am opposed to our intervention in any wars. Did it keep us safe? Who knows, I am inclined to believe there are deeper questions that need to be answered before we will ever know.
I know far too many of the people that bravely defended this country's wars too many times when it seems to be nothing more than a political game. This feels no different.
Sitting here in bed, I have far too much time to think, to ponder, to question. Too look deeper than the media talking points (have you noticed that all of the channels say the same things at almost the same time?). I am questioning the value of so much loss.
Honestly, I am probably not the type of person that should have this much time. At any rate, I have been praying extra hard for those that unselfishly have served our country in this latest political game. I have been sending them tons of healing love and light. They are true heroes. Our troops have always been our pawns in a global game of chess. They are the ones that give all, we lose them daily to suicide because what we as a country selfishly asked is more than they can stand.
Sorry, guess I getting off on a tangent here. I just get so angry. And I fear for them. Too much feels like echo's of the past. Too many fragments of history are peaking through this current situation.
Too many times as a military brat I have witnessed what is happening now. To the older generations, to my own generation and to the younger ones. I have classmates that perished defending what our politicians decided was important, stirring people into a fever pitch of patriotism for their desires. I have watched my children's classmates leave for parts unknown, they came back, but as different people. Sweet Hubs and my ex both stepped up to the call, both experienced things that altered and changed them. For what end? Or better yet, for whose end?
We are sneaking up on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. Are the current world events setting the stage for another crisis? Another rallying call for young American's to rush to the world stage and lay down their lives? My faith is getting thin, my trust of the selfishness of politicians is wearying.
I am trying to focus on the mundane right now. Trying to deliberately draw inward. Because I cannot impact the world. I can impact myself, my family, my dearest and closest friends and family. I can give love and understanding unconditionally. I can encourage them to do the same.
Can you imagine the impact if we all focused on doing good? Doing things that impacted the here and now? Not globally, not something the media is telling us to look at and do, but what our own hearts and eyes are telling us needs done.
Think about the impact.
Instead of fussing at a neighbor for their lawn being too deep, maybe offer to mow it, who knows they might be dealing with a huge issue at work, in health, or it might be as simple as their mower broke and they haven't been able to get it fixed. If we notice a neighbor not around much, maybe checking in.
I miss the world of the front porch. I miss knowing when someone needed help. I miss using our own skills, time and talent to help each other, not hurt each other.
I personally do not believe our world is in as bad of shape as the media wants us to believe. As politicians push the narrative to make us believe. When you turn off access to those things, you find yourself thinking far more locally. You notice things.
The Afghan people will decide for themselves what world they want. As it should be. If it is important to them, they will rise up and push back. If it is not important, if they are comfortable in the world that is theirs than it is not our issue.
What is our issue, is caring for those nearest to us.
I remember when my girl was in fifth grade and she noticed one of her classmates never seemed to have clean or well fitting clothing. She found out what the issue was (single mom, living in a tiny trailer with no washer/dryer and very few resources) and she took it upon herself to solve the problem. Each day she would take another outfit from her closet and take them to the young lady to wear. She was always careful to take things that she'd outgrown, so I wouldn't notice them gone, and she'd meet her in the bathroom before class so that she could change unnoticed.
I remember being so proud of her. She wasn't doing it for attention, just the opposite, she was doing it in secret. But she cared. She's grown into a crazy, lovingly insane woman that still does those very things. Her family is a collection of those she's birthed, those she's rescued and those she's absorbed. The one thing I will always say, is it is full of love, compassion and joy.
Especially right now, be aware of those around you. Take notice. Are they hurting? Are they lost? Are they living in fear? I've been sharing some amazing ideas that keep popping up on Facebook (yeah I know ironic) that focus on caring and love for those around us. Spend a few extra minutes being present for those that are sharing the same story for the hundredth time, they have a need that they might not know how to voice. Listen with your heart. For our troops current and past, be that calming space where they can process what they are going through. Far too many of them are probably feeling a bit used right now.
I recall working the USO in the evenings after work, just about 19 years ago. When those few precious hours were the only time they were able to call home, to connect with family. I remember sitting and talking with men and women, who willingly stepped up for those first steps into the middle east and Afghanistan.
I have two head scarfs tucked away in a closet, they were gifts from a news crew that was passing through returning from Afghanistan. They'd arrived unexpectedly and my ex called and asked if I could fix dinner for them. I don't remember much about the visit, but every now and then I come across those scarves and remember the feelings.
Please be that comfortable space. Not just for our troops, but for everyone. The energy feels hard and divisive right now. We alone can make it soft and accepting.
We really do need to bring back our "front porch". We need to gather again, not tucked away in our backyards, but out in the open. We need to invite people back together. Our children need to feel comfortable hanging out in our neighborhoods, we need to feel comfortable together. We need to enjoy spontaneous fire pits and sunsets.
We need to come together.
No comments:
Post a Comment