blessings...

My oh my what a week it's been!  I am so blessed in this lifetime by wonderful family and friends.  Last week when I was at my lowest, the strain of being isolated, alone and unable to do much for myself was wearing me down, I'd shared that. It was insane how quickly my calendar filled up.  

This week has involved a call to a far away friend, too far to grab even a cup of coffee with at this point and time, but filled with promise and hope.  Seems they might be driving right past me in the not too far distant future and I might be able to see them and grab a hug if nothing else.  Something to fill the void until we are able to spend a bit longer together. I am definitely hoping this comes to pass and working on my strength so that even if it involves a drive of any distance, I will be able to make it happen.  I miss my sister by heart. 

Another dear friend came and spent an entire day entertaining me.  At least that was how I saw it, I am sure that she had so much to do, but she unselfishly gave me five glorious hours of her life.  We hadn't spent time physically together in a very long time, between my previous work schedule, shutdowns and well life... we'd only managed to promise lunch or some time together and chat online or on the phone.  In those beautiful hours we caught up, we laughed, we worked through so shared memories that held a bit of pain and sadness and agreed that it was okay to walk away from that pain - allowing it to heal. We talked about the future, about fears, about hopes and dreams. She even ran to acquire lunch for us, since Hubs got tied up and I was still only 2 weeks out of surgery.  It was wonderful.  She's checking her schedule (mine is pretty darn clear) to see when she might be able to come hang out again, maybe work on a project.  I'm excited about the possibilities. 

I have a very dear friend, that lives fairly close, who I miss seeing on the daily.  We used to work together, now I am chasing other dreams and she is still navigating the current stream of life that she is in.  I miss our morning coffee and catch up.  I hate calling her, because I do know what her life is like the chaos and confusion of each day.  Yet she checks in on me all the time.  We chat electronically throughout the day, although it is when she is able to call or come over that I cherish the most.  We are sort of evil twins, we live in a world filled with similar thoughts and ideas.  I cherish this woman!

Wednesday found us swarmed with love!  

My girls all showed up, it always fills my heart to over-flowing, I cannot believe that my sweet mini-me is getting ready to start the tenth grade.  I'm still stunned by that.  Shouldn't she still be that adorable little cherub that I have spent many hours enjoying silly songs, conversations, sewing and cooking with? Our tiny dragon spent time playing grandma's singing bowls, I wish I had gotten a picture of her so deeply engrossed in making beautiful music. Her mom did, I should have asked for a picture.  I was enjoying the moment and didn't grab the camera.

As the day moved forward it found us sitting in the treetop garden enjoying wine and charcuterie with the girls for a moment and one of my absolute favorite people!  We'd long been promising a catch up in the garden, and it was perfect!

He's such a dear person, full of love, life and joy.  I will forever be thankful that he wandered into the old Downtown Y over four years ago.  Fate brought this wonderful friend to my life, and I am so thankful for it. He is that rock when you need one, confidant and friend, he is someone that shares hope, laughter, love, joy, sadness and a zillion other feelings as naturally as some will share the time of day or weather.  He is someone that naturally reaches out to help all around him and shares his knowledge and gifts freely.

We chatted for hours, even after the girls decided it was time to head home, we talked of plants, birds, art, friends and what felt like a million other fascinating topics.  Hubs gave him a tour of my studio and the collection of messes that need my attention - or maybe my ability to address the chaos.  

Only through his eyes ❤

This morning he shared a photo with me that he took.  It was one of my thread holders, it completely cracked me up.  Only he would look at my chaos and find something worth recording and sharing.  I love seeing the mundane through his eyes.  I am still laughing and finding joy in the simple picture about.  

I have spoken with my sister several times, she is one of the strongest women I know.  In fact, I gotta say she probably gets the family prize for strength and unconditional love.  I admire that about her.  She's holding the line for so many right now, I wish I could give her more of my strength, somehow provide a transfusion.  As that is impossible, I hope that I am helping fill her reserves and that she knows she can always lean into me to boost her up!

It has been an inspiring week. 

Yesterday I made a conscious decision to stop living in bed.  I got up and refused to go back until I was too weary to go on.  I sat up, I walked, I stitched, I migrated from room to room.  I finished our ironing and even managed to stand long enough to fold a load of clothing.  

I am ready to be human again. 

Today I crossed another bridge in my process of recovery.  

Today I decided it was time to start transitioning to the cane.  I couldn't sleep in the wee hours of the day, and heard Hubs moving around - he'd slept almost 9 hours, so I wasn't surprised. As I sat with him sipping coffee, he first suggested the treetop garden would be a beautiful spot to finish our morning coffee.  I couldn't have agreed more.  Watching me moving about he asked if I wanted my cane instead of the walker. 

I was scared.  Warning bells seemed to scream for about a nano-second and then I joyfully said yes.  I was ready. Truth be told I'd hardly used my walker the day before, I'd kept it close at hand, but hadn't relied on it to move around. 

I cannot begin to describe the powerful feeling of independence that comes with trading in two wheels and two additional legs to become a tripod.

I had no problem navigating the house with him standing near by, the walker still readily available if I started to feel overwhelmed. I was antsy sitting there drinking coffee, anxious to step out on my own.  I puttered easily in my garden.  I walked in and out of the house, eager to feel my own power. 

I don't know if Hubs could read my mind, but he asked if I wanted to try a short walk outside.  It was dark, the sky was a breathtaking deep blanket covered with sparkling starts. Of course I wanted to.  I was absolutely aching inside to attempt it. 

As I walked along, he stayed within reach, often allowing me to grasp his fingers with my free hand.  It wasn't for support, it was out of love and joy.  We walked along in the beautiful morning silence, softly talking and marveling at the beauty above us.  As we strolled down the middle of the street, to avoid all of the sprinkler systems, I marveled at it all. 

My blessings overflow.  I am surrounded by people I love and they are willing to spend time out of their busy lives with me.  I am able to walk without pain for the first time in so very long, I was able to stroll in the early morning hours on an almost moonless morning with the love of my life. 

I firmly believe that our lives are how we choose to see them. I choose to live in gratitude and love, I choose to look for the blessings. 

becoming me again...

Thank you family and friends for being my lifeline through these strange healing times.  Much love!