I am far from independent. There are moments that my cane is my friend and my bed is an even better friend. But most days I am able to walk independently of Hubs or the cane. I can manage to navigate spaces and each day I am standing for longer periods of time.
I can't say I sleep great, but I am sure that is a combination of several things. I am one of those people that go to sleep in one position and rarely shift in the night, FYI - a leg recovering from major surgery is not a fan of staying in one position for more than 4 - 5 hours. At which point it will wake me and force me to reconsider my sleeping choices. Additionally, I miss my bed, each day I practice climbing in and out of it, I am hopeful by this weekend I can return to my personal nest. I need my calming blues, my fans - not air conditioners, and the deeper darkness the back of the house provides. I also think that my new found habit of napping whenever the mood hits me is definitely not helping my ability to sleep more than 6 hours a night.
Sweet Hubs is a very early riser, so we have had some great opportunities to enjoy each other's company. Sitting in the treetop garden watching the world wake up. Strolling for my walk in the wee hours of the morning, looking for shooting stars and admiring the beauty around us. And just talking. I cherish time with this guy!
But most importantly, I am returning to feeling like a contributing human. I am even slightly able to assist with meal prep and the like.
Oh don't get me wrong, I still have massive fussy moments. Where the frustration of wanting to do something completely overwhelms my rational mind and forces me into a pretty dark funk. I hit that spot a few times this past weekend. It was beautiful out. Hubs was doing yard work, and puttering around the house. I was feeling useless.
That sweet man does not believe in a no win situation. Instead of telling me to simply enjoy resting, to sit a bit more and look longingly out the window, each day he found things that I could navigate, I could participate in and enjoy.
He took me with him on errands and I figured out how to use the silly carts at the various shops we needed things from. I can't say all of them instilled confidence and as someone that will only need them temporarily, I worry for those people that need to rely on them long term. Maintenance people, geez.
Instead of going into Michaels to pick up the few threads that I needed for my quilt block (which truthfully would have been much faster for him) he took me to pick it myself. I knew I wouldn't be in there long and that I didn't need to go far, so my hardheadedness led me to simply walk slowly with my cane to my threads. I did concede and let Hubs bend over for them, but let me assure you it was a difficult concession.
I am not sure why it is so hard to ask for and accept help. I used to get so mad at him for not allowing me to give him assistance as he dealt with both hip replacements and the battle with staph that came between. I would be infuriated with his refusal for help when he desperately needed it. Yet, here I am being the same ornery brat. In fact most folks I know will not ask for nor willingly accept help. Why do we do that?
I suffered a bit for my determination, but it was worth it, each day that I push through and push just a bit more I gain more movement and more independence. I was only able to manage 100 yards the first walk down the road and back. The last walk was 300 yards. Each day a bit more opens up to me.
I am a total outdoors freak if you haven't figured it out yet. Not a fan of the extreme heat, but any chance I have to be outside fills my very life force. Until yesterday I still wasn't strong enough to spend much time in my gardens and the tiny view from my assortment of chairs was definitely not fitting the bill. So my sweet Hubs took me to Lone Elk Park. I love to travel through and enjoy the beauty and solitude. Searching through the vast openings in search of the deer, elk and bison can entertain me for hours.
And this time it almost did. As hot as it was you would not have anticipated so much activity from the occupants, but they were super busy! The deer, elk and raccoons felt it was a great day to slowly parade up and down the roads, stopping traffic to admire their independence and pray that they didn't decide to ram your vehicle instead of pleasurably strolling past.
The lake hasn't really recovered, but seems to be holding it's own, which is so important for those sweet animals and their survival. We watched quite a few swirls, so at least some occupants of the lake survived the sink hole.
The bison never cease to amaze me and we found most of them all gathered together in a deep shaded valley, not at all looking bothered by the 95+ temperatures. The babies were so adorable, alternating between lying and standing, a couple were even rolling in the dust, trying to get rid of those pesky flies.
The elk are something else all together. There are often groups of them scattered randomly throughout the park. We didn't see any of the really big guys with their full rack of antlers, who knows how deep into the stillness they had gone in search of relief. We found a small group of ladies cooling in the shade overlooking the lake and a couple of other's off on their own adventures. The little youngster just growing into his legs and antlers was hysterical and definitely had me sliding back into my seat a little further as he considered sticking his head in the window for a moment.
I will probably never be brave enough to go to Lone Elk Park and have a picnic or hike. I have a healthy respect for wild animals in their own space, I also don't do ticks, and the plethora of signs warning of heavy tick infestation is enough to insure I don't leave our truck.
It's silly how something so simple as enjoying animals and nature can bring one back to center, but as usual it did. I enjoyed spending time with Hubs enjoying the wildlife, the beauty of the surroundings and simply time together. I know he had a ton of stuff he wanted to get done, so the fact that he went out of his way to make my weekend less confined was deeply appreciated.
Shortly today I am going to head into my studio (I like how that sounds), I have several projects that need my attention and I am finally feeling mobile enough to start. I have to modify the way I will handle some of it, as I can't stand for very long, and ironing large pieces often requires that. I'm pretty clever and I am sure I will figure out the way to modify it, I'm nothing if not creative and persistent.
Lessons learned lately... accept the help...
Good one! 381+
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