solitude and space...

There is absolutely nothing that fills my bucket as much as peace and solitude.  Today it was filled to overflowing!  Exactly what I needed.

Hubs and I got up before the sun, loaded the picnic I prepared last night and lots of water into my sweet little bug and we headed southwest.  We'd wanted to get a float trip in while on vacation and things didn't line up that way, we filled our time with too much relaxing.

So after six crazy work days, I was not going to settle for not getting a float trip.  We both know we despise Saturday floats.  It's crazy crowded and loud.  Definitely no bucket filling happens there. 

So we worked for a few hours on Saturday, helping out with pressure washing and weeding the landscaping. Catching up on little things and hoping to help make a big difference.

After that, we ran our errands, bought groceries for the week and had an incredible lunch at Seedz, I have to say they are going to be responsible for me being broke!  We've eaten there twice, tried a total of 4 different dishes and not one has disappointed.  I enjoyed the vegan donut we tried, Hubs did not.  At all. I am completely nuts about the Mata Mint tea... Again Hubs... big fat NOPE!  He did try the Jasmine Orange Boba tea... I have to admit that his face when the boba came up the straw was hysterical! Sitting in the sun outside on those beautiful sun dappled streets was a calming reset to start the weekend.

I'm determined to hold precious the weekends, the time when we can enjoy each other, spend time with Neeko and just stay focused on reclaiming "us" time.  After all, "us" time doesn't have to be doing something or even not doing something.  For me it has to be about making an effort to hold space for things that bring me joy and balance.  I am finding sheer joy in shopping for the food that I can use to make us nourishing meals.  I have rediscovered the joy of cooking.  I've missed it. It had become a mundane chore.  It wasn't filling my bucket. 

Yet last night, I made us Spring Roll Buddha bowls. Oh my!  I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but I can assure you, we were both very happy with the results. After dinner was finished, I started working on today's picnic.  Pasta salad full of bright colored veggies and then I decided why not give cold peanut noodles a try. Both were a success. 

We'd picked an 8:15 am start for our trip down the Courtois River.  Hopeful to have peace at least for the start of our journey. Meaning we left St. Louis at 6 am.  The moon still high in the sky and the sun just starting to light the morning sky on fire.  It was a gorgeous 90 minute ride to the river.  We checked in and heading to the bus that would take us 6 miles up the road.  Cell phones quit working almost as soon as you leave the highway, over twenty miles away from where we will head out on our raft.

We were starting to wonder if we were in the wrong place, no one had joined us as we sat there waiting.  A few moments later, Hubs and I boarded our bus.  Just us. The driver was delightful and we chatted on the ride, it's odd to have a whole school bus for just three people.  We loaded our raft and shoved off. 

We hadn't been able to take that portion of the river last year, it was simply too low.  We weren't sure what to expect.  It winds through Mark Twain National Forest and very remote.  We'd hoped for a bit of time without friends.

At 1 pm we'd completed our journey, never seeing any other rafters or people for that matter.  It took us about four and a half hours to make our 6 hour journey.  We even found a wonderful stretch of the river wide, deep and still that we floated along without thought or care and enjoyed our lunch.  We listened to birds, bullfrogs, counted fish swimming under us in the crystal clear water.  We even had a brief encounter with a gray and black stripped nope rope (snake) sunning itself on a large tree branch.  There were so many turtles, a few of them snappers. 

In addition to the beauty and silence, the most precious gift was our ability to simply be.  Silently floating, occasionally paddling to keep from hitting both submerged and low hanging trees, pushing ourselves through shallow spots, a couple of times we carried the raft through the shallow rocky beds.

The beauty was breathtaking.  The peace we found priceless. 

On the drive down we'd been listening to Cheryl Crow, one of her songs is so us, but there is a line in there about being able to worship in the great outdoors.  That is where I find myself closest to God.  Where I am at one with the universe.  Today, that was gliding down the river, laughing and talking when we felt like it, sitting in silence and soaking up the energy of the earth around us, and all of this is with was with my best friend.  The person I feel makes me a whole. 

And just us.  No one else until the very end.  Six precious, pristine miles of peaceful co-existence with nature. No connection to anyone else.  No electronic leashes, nothing to break the beauty of this day.

Tomorrow will be a high pressure day, long and busy. I am learning the self-care is deeper than I thought.  It isn't just the food you eat or working out, its about taking care of yourself mentally.  And knowing it is okay to just be.  Having spent this time centering and just holding space has filled my bucket.

I'm ready.