slow...

slow...

That single word has been stuck in my consciousness for almost a month now.  It pops up when I'm walking, meditating, awakening or simply sitting.  It has felt large and powerful.  It has demanded attention.  I have felt drawn to blog about it for weeks, but the rest of the words were not yet ready to be there.

When I write it is usually because something is drawing me to it.  Things feel like they have to escape my mind and become real.  I don't know a better way to describe it. It has only been in the past few days that the thoughts have started to come together.

Scary words are flying around pandemic, panic, coronavirus, COVID 19, self-quarantine, and even death.  I am still struggling a bit with it all.  Not from the reality of it existing.  I have no doubt about it.  There are new viruses coming into being all the time.  We live in a world that is full of other bacteria and germs.  I am struggling with what appears to me to be the greater virus.

Humanity.

At least where we are right now.

We are greedy, self-centered, our ego is greater than our compassion. At least that is how it appears.

It's been a crazy busy week.  I worked long days, over 12 hours a day, all but one day.  I even worked yesterday and will again today.  I will admit to being tired.  All of it was good stuff, but exhausting none the less.  The day I was going to call it quits early and actually buy some groceries for my seriously empty home, things started spiraling out of control and I ended up working even later.

In my personal bubble I was dealing with the impact of this virus and paying little attention to the insanity it was brewing. I am calling it a temporary insanity, because the fear is causing normally sane people to behave in manners that are mind numbing.

When I finally left work yesterday, after explaining to numerous people the reason we could not honor this or that was for their personal safety. Being yelled at and cussed out because I could not allow baby showers and group gatherings, I will admit to being very mentally exhausted.

I am a strong person.  I can take a great deal.  My default personality type is that of an extreme optimist... yet I can only absorb so much negativity and pessimism. By noon yesterday I was tapped out. All of the great conversations I had been having with peers and friends on how to make a great impact during this time of upheaval were squashed aside that's for sure.

Emotionally tapped out, starving (I hadn't been excited about the oatmeal sweet Hubs had made for breakfast as I was out of fruit and nuts to put in it - so I ate very little), and basically just weary of the fear that was invading our world... I was ready for a lunch date with Hubs.  A chance to unplug and process.

Lunch was incredible, I had so much fun simply chatting in the dim light enjoying each other's company.  Briefly glancing at my phone as I knew there was a conference call going on at that moment that could have implications.  I was ready to bounce back into work mode if need be. It was towards the end of lunch that Hubs got a call from work.

We work for the same place, just in different areas.  I take care of people directly, he takes care of the facilities and supplies. We'd been planning our grocery shopping for the week (no we did not need toilet paper) and various other items that were on our usual weekly to-do list. So we knew we'd be going out.  His call was a request to search for some items that were needed and in short supply.

I figured we could complete our weekly stuff at the same time.  I was woefully unprepared for what I witnessed at the stores we were shopping in. I was saddened. I watched people walking to their cars with carts full of toilet paper and paper towels (I can list several more sustainable ways... but no judgement), once inside the grocery stores and even Wal-Mart (yep still not my favorite place - but we were leaving no stone unturned) the shelves were bare.  I mean completely bare.

The hordes of locusts in the Bible could not have cleaned those shelves better.  I was in search of ingredients to make vegan corned veef, in whose world is vital wheat gluten something you should horde? If it was boxed or canned it did not exist.I couldn't buy a box of pasta... FYI, you can make that yourself... guess I will be. The crazed behavior was something you could feel.

We never found what Hubs was in search of.  Going to one of my favorite stores we found shelves over flowing with goodness, all the items on our list (although they removed the fresh oatmeal press and the guy working the bakery was awfully snarly that he had to slice my bread - they are the ones that removed the machine - not me), and it was calm.  I will continue to be willing to pay a bit more for that kind of sanctuary.  Sweet Hubs asked a lady if they had what he was looking for, they didn't.  But she immediately started to pray that we could find it and use it for comfort and protection.

Back to slow...

Through all the insanity of yesterday afternoon, which is really difficult for a highly sensitive person by the way, I still kept hearing the word slow. It was becoming a louder, more insistent SLOW.

There was no medication left on shelves, very few food items, and lets not talk about toilet paper. People were frantic.

There are only a few confirmed cases of COVID 19 in our entire area. Panic is ruling.

My heart, my meditations, and my very being are telling me not to worry.  They are telling me this is something that has been needed.  Not from a cleansing sense, I want no one ill or to die.  But from a reset sense.

So many times in recent years I have longed for the simplicity that has slowly slipped away.  The other morning I took Neeko for his morning walk.  I was cranky and not wanting to be bothered so I left my phone at home.  We walked for about 30 wondrous minutes. He's 15, I didn't rush him one bit.  We savored the beauty of the day, we listened to birds and he considered chasing a few.  During that entire walk the only thing that kept going through my thoughts was how wonderful it felt. A sense of loss for an entire generation or two that don't remember or know the beauty of silence.  Of walking along and listening to the birds on an early spring morning and genuinely hearing them.  The complete disconnection and oneness.

Is it possible that this virus slowing us down is giving us a chance to reset.  To not be so hurried and rushed.  Families are being forced to spend time together, not rushing to and from activities and events.  Schools across the river are closed, people are cancelling vacations and staying home.

I am worried about the financial impact, to all of us.  I worry about our seniors.  I worry that the hording mentality will cause someone to need that cold medicine to treat this virus and it won't be available.  I worry that we will continue to be trapped in our bubbles of self importance while others suffer. I worry that my sweet Hubs and mom - who are in the age bracket that is most vulnerable could get sick. I worry about my son, he's so far away.  I worry about my daughter and her kids.

I could give into the worry.  I am choosing not to. I woke up this morning, did my energy exercises and mediation.  The words were finally starting to gel so here I am.

Slow down.  The heavens have been sending the message for a while now.  It's okay to sit quietly, to not leave your home for rush about stuff for a day or two. It's okay to savor your coffee, go for long walks with loved ones in the sunshine, sit outside or read a book. It's okay to create something, learn a skill, or finish a project that has been tucked away in the business of rushing about. It's okay to enjoy the sunrises and the sunsets. It's okay to take a breath, to just be.

Instead of focusing on the insanity this is causing.  The panic and fear.  Maybe, just maybe, we slow.

We call friends and check on neighbors.  We share some of that horded toilet paper with that family that didn't get any.  Write some letters, send some emails, we are no longer an isolated society unless we refuse to reach out that helping hand.

My heart has so been lifted by the good.  The singing in Italy, my cousin in Germany sharing how they are supporting one another, restaurants offering free lunches to children that count on that daily school lunch to feed them (the delivery method might need work... but hey), the posts on Facebook and Nextdoor offering to go and get groceries (I now know those are brave souls) and supplies for neighbors that might be in the vulnerable groups.

I feel the universe is telling us that it is okay to slow down. It's not just okay, it is needed.  We are human beings, not human doings.  And there is not a shortage of anything, at least not a natural shortage.  Greed and fear are creating it.  Turn off your televisions for a while, the media has a place in this world and it is important to stay informed.  But when all you hear is panic and fear from every angle... well... then you start having people crocheting toilet paper...

My sweet Hubs just lit a fire for me.  So I am going to take a few minutes to savor my coffee, rest my weary soul and then it will be time to take our sweet old boy for a nice, long, SLOW walk.

As the age of Aquarius dawns, and we are drawn naturally do to more for others, please find the place in your heart to do so.  Check on others, be willing to do things.

My heart is saying slow down, re-evaluate things, look at what is truly needed and then proceed...

Slow...

Love and light to each of you...

so selfish...

It's been a minute. 

Not that I haven't thought about writing, I have thought about it. I've been much too busy though.  I'm being selfish.

Selfish is a much maligned word, but I feel it has become my mantra for 2020.  I'm still doing for others.  I am still outwardly the same person I have always been. Sort of.

I am learning to be selfish though.  And it's amazing!  Selfish isn't about hiding the chocolate and refusing to share (although it was tough with the sponge candy...) it isn't even about not caring for my loved ones and others.

It's more about filling my own cup first, so that I have plenty to pour from when I am giving to others. It means not ignoring my own needs, not shuffling them away into a box that never gets opened.

I am being very selfish.  I am focusing on me.  Probably for the first time in my grown life.

All of us were really good at it when we were children.  If the urge hit us to move, to talk, to wiggle or giggle - we simply did.  It was important back then in our course of development to simply do those things.  Sure our folks got frustrated.  I giggle a bit when my daughter posts some of the things my youngest grand baby is doing, as a parent her creativity has to be exhausting! As a bystander on a journey to reconnect with my heart and sense of simply being, it is powerful!  She might be my soul guide. 

Selfish isn't bad.  For some reason we've been taught almost since birth, that being selfish means you are not a good human, that you are a mean, uncaring human.

What if we think about it in a different way.  What if instead of being uncaring it allows you to be far more generous, not only with your heart but your time and energy?

Earlier in February, my sweet Hubs gave me the gift of a full weekend to focus on me.  I attended the "You be You" weekend at the Peace Place.  I had the blessing of a weekend of meditation, studying things important to me, and having my personal bucket filled. Laundry didn't happen, dinners were interesting (although I did make breakfast and nice lunches both days), the house was uncared for, the clutter kept piling up. 

The reset to me as a human, was priceless! I have had so much energy, I have had more to give.  I have not felt overwhelmed.  Big challenges have not overwhelmed me, they have not knocked me to my knees.

I learned to truly meditate. To release everything and just be. 

I have picked up my Chrome Book more than once.  The intention was to write.  The motivation wasn't there. There were thoughts brewing like crazy, there still are.  I just don't know how much I will be writing for a while. 

During a moment of misunderstanding earlier this week, Hubs reacted strongly, saying it's all about you.  It stung for a moment.  But only a moment.  Because he was having the same reactions I am to the pressures of every day life.  To the lack of balance in our world and relationship. We both feel a strong need to re-balance.  Time for us, for doing what we both want and need. To have time for alone stuff and even more time for together stuff.

I heard what he was saying loud and clear.  I believe he heard me.  As it was the universe heard us both.  It's a beautiful weekend according to the weather forecast.  Tomorrow is supposed to be even better.  We have both been putting so much energy and time into things that are outside of the personal realm.  I have work to do today, so does he.  Yet, we decided to jealously guard the weekend.  We both woke up with major headaches, although his was self-induced from Friday night fun.  Mine, well mine might be self-induced also.  My fibro is trying hard to flare.  I am trying hard to not let it.  But the current imbalances in my life are pushing all the buttons.

So, we put the day on hold.  Took our big boy for a long walk. And while he napped, I did some of the things that my heart has been pleading to have time for, soaps and candles have been made, resting has happened. 

We found time for a lovely, slow, late lunch - it wasn't intended to be so slow, but the universe heard our hearts.  It knew we needed us time. The restaurant that I picked was evidently the launch site for a huge family wedding.

A leisurely walk through the botanical gardens (we've been trying to go as often as we can), enjoying all the beauty of the final days of winter. We marveled at the beauty around us, pondered the treasures that would soon be breaking through the fresh compost in the unmarked beds (that smell...), we took time to sit and enjoy the silence and beauty that surrounded us (until our bums got a bit too cold on those stone benches).  Poor Hubs' feet started to protest as the sun started getting lower on the horizon.  As we walked hand in hand, talking and laughing we both had our hearts filled with joy.

Tomorrow may not go completely as planned.  Sweet Hubs knew I'm hurting, so he scheduled massages during what should have been the start of our motorcycle ride.  I am looking forward to the wind in my face, my arms around him as we go and explore, I am also looking forward to that massage.  My back, neck and arms are so unbelievable sore.  It's time to take care of myself.  I am hoping we still get a nice long ride in tomorrow.  I am planning to pack a picnic basket for us to share at some quiet little spot in the middle of nowhere.

I am being selfish.  It isn't always about me, any more that it is all about him, or anyone else.  But sometimes, we all need moments to simply reconnect to ourselves.  I'm not there yet, I am working on it. I know this flare is my body's way of reminding me to slow down.  To take care of myself.  I also know that this journey I have been on is giving me the tools and knowledge that I need.  We actually scheduled time off together for the sake of nothingness.  No big plans, just us time.

I am so blessed to be married to my soul mate, my other half, my very best friend. Someone that knows I am not being "selfish" in the way that we have all been taught to think of it.  Just in a way that allows me to give more of me to us.

I'm not sure how soon I will write again, could be tomorrow, could be next week.  It will all depend on my balance. 

shhhhh...

That's not your path, that is not the way you should go.  This is not the journey for you.  Do you ever hear those soft voices?  Do you listen or do you ignore them if you do?  I have always heard those soft voices in my head.  Too many times in life I have doubled down and run head first into those gates.  Willing to shatter them to bullheadedly have my way.  I didn't want to hear those soft voices.

Each time, it ended poorly.  I don't think I truly started hearing them until my world crashed down on me in 2002.  I fought like crazy, I knew better than the universe.  I knew better than all of the powers that existed.  I was going to have my way.  Period.

That year full of two's was a turning point for me.  A big one.  It was very late in that year, when broken, damaged and willing to give up, I finally chose to give in. I let the highest powers finally guide my life. I guess you have to hit that point, I guess when you are down as far as you have the ability to fall is the moment that you can finally learn to listen. 

I had to be humbled.  I had to be brought to my knees, literally. Once I gave up and stopped fighting, I was gifted with many things.  A new life, a loving husband, renewed health and a chance to find me.

Each year I have learned to be quieter to listen more carefully.

I am learning each day.  Today after work I decided I needed to walk.  It's been a rough week.  Full of challenges, full of things that a few years ago would have leveled me for a moment or two. I needed the beauty of nature, the healing power of the sunshine on my face and the joy that comes from simply being with the highest power.

I haven't mastered it, that is my current path.  Yet when I listen, when I follow where it leads me, I find greater joy in life.  It's the smallest things that fill my heart and soul with pure beauty.  I am trying to always follow where I am led.  Be it a walk in the park, into a conversation that needs to be had.  To a quiet dinner or movie with my sweet hubs, or even just a moment to unplug and create.

I am learning to find the paths that are meant for me.  As I was listening to my podcasts today and walking through those beautiful gardens I felt renewed.  It was talking about spending your time and energy on the good things and walking away from things not meant for you.  That life is supposed to be full of love, light, laughter and joy.  I could not agree more.

This journey is meant for me.  The sunshine, the peace, the steps, the food.  The time with my Hubs, my kids, my grand-kids, and my friends.  Frolicking with my sweet fur baby. And finding great peace and love in where my life is taking me. 

This is another year full of two's.  It's definitely going to be one that shapes and molds me...

powerful...

Strong. Steady. Focused.

This morning as the sky had barely started to lighten, still no promise of the rising sun gently kissing the sky.  I laced up my walking shoes and for the first time in three days I felt ready to deal with the world.  A minor bug had sidelined me a bit.  Life's way of saying stop, rest.

It was a whopping 25 degrees of bitterness, as it had been so cold before, it felt like a minor heat wave.  As I popped my earbuds in and opened YouTube - looking for the speaker my dear friend recommended (Abraham Hicks for anyone feeling so drawn) - there it was.  At the top of my screen "A Message from the Universe".  All decorated in pink flowers, bold and clear.

I was drawn to it.  At first when it said it was recorded in May of 2019, I almost skipped.  I told myself it was because I didn't want to take my gloves off to push the buttons.  That it was simply too cold.  Besides it was less than 15 minutes.  I could handle anything for 15 minutes.

I started my walk.

My steps were strong, they haven't been.  My energy has been very low and I've felt less than.  I wasn't fast, that is never the point of my walks.  I hadn't decided how far I was going to walk, just knew that I needed that time in the fresh air.  I needed to clear my head to be ready to face what promised to be a long day. I knew that the glittering stars and the crisp morning air was calling to me.

Initially, I was only semi-listening to the words in my ears.  I think I heard them, because bits and pieces were resonating with me.  I usually think about a blog while walking or in moments of peace.  So much inspiration is there when it becomes silent.

As I allowed my mind to quiet and my heart to start listening to the words, I felt validated.  I felt like it truly was a message that I needed.  It focuses on becoming selfish.  Not out of a lack of love for others, but out of a strong desire to be more loving.

It gave me hope to remain steady in my journey.  Each of us is on a journey.  Each of us has the absolute power to create a life of love, plenty, joy and fulfillment.  Not all of us are ready to hear that, to internalize it, or to move forward.  To be steady.

I am nearing the end of the 7th month of my journey, my intentional focused journey.  There are missteps.  There are moments that I feel defeated.  There are moments that I allow negative energy to invade my most inner energy.

And then magic happens.

Was it a random algorithm that selected that as my listening option this morning?  There are thousands of other talks that could have shown up.  There are other speakers, topics and directions the algorithms could have selected.

This mornings talks held me focused.  They reassured me that I am on the right path on my journey.  That I am healing my body, mind and spirit.  As I wandered my neighborhood at a steady pace, I was able to bask in the brilliance of a breathtaking and inspiring sunrise.  As I came around the corner at the crest of the hill I was walking on, I had to stop to take the picture.  To capture the gift given to me. Another mile in I was able to lift my face to absorb the rays of a dazzling early morning sun that filled the horizon before my steps.

As I completed my remaining laps and listened intently to the series of 10 to 15 minute talks, I had not realized that I had already walked over 4.5 miles.  My legs were freezing (might need to invest in some lined leggings for the winter months), my toes a bit frosty also, but my heart was full, my soul felt refreshed and ready for whatever lie ahead.

As I sat down to eat my sunshine inspired breakfast of mango and blueberries, I felt peace.

My head still hurts.   But I know that the journey is right.  I am searching for ways to help heal my sweet hubs naturally.  I really have a visceral hatred of medications and a medical field that seems intent on prescribing to the symptoms and refusing to see and or treat the causes.

He's not sleeping well... We are now trying Golden Milk (yep... went with the vegan options).  Last night we both slept deep and woke well rested.  No one night does not equal success.  But we will keep on trying.

Each of us has a different journey.  May I encourage you to reach deep and find that place in your most powerful inner being to follow your hopes, dreams, to be okay with asking for and living in abundance. Since I was a very young adult I have resonated with the statement "what you think about, you bring about".  Reflecting on my life... wow... that is an entire other blog.  Maybe I will explore all the times the universe has shown me the truth in those words... but not today.

Today... I want to thank the universe, the powers that be, the messengers that insured I heard what I needed to hear.  I want to celebrate the power and energy this morning gave to me...

Strong, Steady and Focused...

buckle up!

It's a new year, new decade, new moment in time.

I've been a bit silent.  I am still processing many things that are manifesting themselves in my world.  Most external things are just as they've always been. My Hubs, kids and grands fill my world with love, meaning and purpose.  I have a career that most of the time I love, and the rest of the time challenges me to grow as a person. 

And I have me.

I don't understand the significance of 2020 to me, but for some reason it is resonating and demanding my attention.  All of this is a season of change for me, the person.  I will be 55 in this year.  I was talking to my girl the other night and casually made the comment "I'm only going to be 55 this year"... she laughed at me, I think with a bit of disbelief.  I am not sure she is handling her number this year so easily.  It was what she said in response that has made me really climb into this deep level of thought and processing.  Her comment was "yeah... I feel like you are starting the second half of your life..." there was other parts to her comment.  Parts that circled around the journey's that I felt inclined to start last year. 

The me part of this is hard.  I am not a person that puts my own needs or wants first.  Before anything else I am a wife, a mother and grandmother. I've always squeezed things of importance in my life into the cracks left after being those things and a dedicated employee. I feel I am probably a very slow learner, because I think the first thing I truly did for myself was this blog.  I started writing it to sort out my thoughts, hopes and dreams.  Truthfully, I don't know how much sorting I have done, but as it has ebbed and flowed over the years I have learned to live a bit more holistically.  I have slowly learned that all of the bits and pieces come together to make a whole person, if you pay attention.

In July when I lost my heart boy, my sweet and precious Gator, I felt another piece snap into place. I had to work through the grief, the pain, he'd saved my heart so many times.  I was struggling through some health issues that I didn't want to deal with.  I didn't feel like it was important enough.  Correction, I didn't feel that I was important enough.  I was biting my lip and dealing with pain that was almost unbearable, and I was doing it in silence.  Because I hate leaving my problems for others. When I picked up my sweet boy for the final time, worried that the pain would stop me, I knew it was time.

I scheduled appointments, discovered what they believe was causing it and found out that doctors today don't really care about you as a person.  You are simply a paycheck in far too many instances. That's fine.  I am a strong researcher, I will find holistic ways to deal with the problem. 

The universe had been guiding me towards the answer for almost two years, but in my stubbornness and single focus on just surviving life, I refused to see the signs or hear the messages.

Enter whole food, plant based.  It's been six months now.  As long as I focus on clean plant based foods, I am in great health.  There is no pain - not even fibro pain.  I have energy and clear focus.  There are days that just like every human on the planet, I can be lazy and don't have the energy for a clean plant based diet.  I slide into the world of vegan junk food.  Things that are fried or processed.  Whatever it takes to get through the week.  I can tell instantly that I have done it.  The scales goes the wrong direction from massive sodium intake, I ache, I'm sluggish, and just feel yucky.

I'm digressing.

2020 has been consuming.  I've been digging deep into many things.  I'm still digging. I haven't created a rock solid plan, but I don't believe that there is a rock solid plan.  I believe that it's important to flow with the universe.  To follow the guidance that exists in our very souls.  We just have to listen. The mind is a powerful thing.  Words are a powerful thing.

I started walking and was evening trying to escalate to a bit of running.  That did not go well, the running part, so I will not do that again.  And even though at the time, I could barely walk on my "good knee"... I signed up to walk a total of 2020 miles this year.  The only person I am racing against is me.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  It's such a powerful feeling.  I also now know that I will never be a runner, unless I want two knee replacements, I don't.

2020 is my year to explore me.  To dig into what makes me tick and feed it. For the first time, I am giving myself total permission to fill my bucket first.  I started slowly last year.  I actually asked to explore the Great Smokey Mountains and add an unexpected day to our journey.  My sweet loving Hubs knew it was important, he didn't hesitate.  Even when we both were getting super tired and longing to stop driving.  We celebrated the moments.

What I am finding is that by saying something is important to me and acting on it, it doesn't diminish my ability to be a loving partner and mom.  I feel happier.  Hubs can do the things that fill his bucket, I don't have to sit and absorb another movie for the 50th time, just because he loves it.  It doesn't make who we are less important.

That is a lesson I am still learning. I love to walk with him.  It was our thing for so very long.  When he stopped, I stopped, I felt guilty continuing.  Like I was betraying an "us" thing. We have so little time that we get to spend together, I didn't want to steal minutes from that bucket simply for me.  When I started walking again a few months ago, I knew it was something that I needed, I was very mournful at first.  I was hurt that he didn't want to walk with me, when I had not wanted to walk when we first started walking together.  I felt resentful, I had done it for him, yet he wouldn't do it for me. Then something magical happened. 

I was able to set my own pace, be lost in my own thoughts and music, call loved ones and spend that time catching up with them.  Hubs was filling his bucket and I was learning to fill mine.  I was learning crucial lessons. 

I am giving myself permission to be me.  It's scary!!

I have always believed that I had to be just so to be part of a marriage, a friendship, as a parent, as a person.  I've always smashed my essence down to lift up what I believed was needed of me.

For almost 18 years my sweet Hubs has been teaching me that it was okay to be me.  I might not have always heard it.  In fact, I would say I have rarely realized it.  I was forcing myself into the role I thought he wanted from me, when all along he was okay with who I am.  My heart knew it belonged with him, that he is the person that completes my quirkiness.  We are not really remotely the same as people, but we are a love that was meant to be.  We are each others Yin and Yang.  Somethings we both love, others belong strictly to one or the other.  We support each other.  He has never told me no.  I have told me no many times.

2020 is a year of expansion, of exploring passions and desires.  It will be a year of much and a year of less. 

I don't know how much I will write.  I am still determining that.  I also don't know that it will follow the same style.  Probably will, as I believe the way I write is a true reflection of my soul.  I am a very simple woman.  There is very little complexity to me.  I am open and honest.  I feel that will remain. 

I have a wonderful life.  The bumps, bruises and tears only make the fabric of my life blanket richer.  I am focusing on doing things that fulfill me.  I want others to be part of my journey, but I need to finally realize that self-care is not selfish.  It isn't always about massages, facials, or manicures.  It is about experiences, it is about following your very heart, it is about being still and listening to the voices that are guiding you.  It is about the very power of the word NO.  Not using it abusively, but judiciously.  It is also about realizing and internalizing that you are not alone in this world, that your words, actions and beliefs can cause harm and hurt.  It is about knowing yourself and creating a harmonious life journey.  Lifting others as you lift yourself.

At least that is what I am coming to understand.  It might change as I continue to grow and as I continue on this journey that is filling my heart and making me feel strong.

I'm ready to tackle the next half of my life.  I am excited to celebrate my 55th trip around the sun and I plan to do so in the best physical and mental shape of my life.

I am ready!!