We are all as different as snow flakes...

I love snow... it's beautiful and has a special feel.  I love the moonscape appearance it creates.  And the way the cold winter sky looks like deep rich velvet contrasting with the brightness caused by the snow...

That being said... the best thing I have ever heard was the news forecast this morning calling for mid-forties and rain! Because I am done with the snow.  In this area either we don't know how to deal with it or folks are simply too lazy.  I am tired of impassable roads, non-shoveled side walks, sliding on floors that are covered in a salty, slushy, watery mix.  I am ready for the rain.

Last night Hubby and I had the pleasure of spending a couple of hours with our grand baby.  We took her to her last soccer clinic of the session.  It was so much fun!  We would have loved more time with her, but it wasn't meant to be.  She hasn't had a lot of time with Dad this past year and she was seriously eating up the attention he has been giving her.  I can't blame her.

I was so stunned watching the difference between the soccer program that my daughter has her in, and the herd ball we used to watch the twins play.  She's only seven and was being taught how to properly dribble, pass, stop and basically control the ball.  They were doing drills.  Good drills.

The coaches knew their stuff and they were working hard to insure the kids learned them in a positive, upbeat and encouraging manner.  They were gently correcting moves and encouraging the kids to pick up the tempo.  The pep rally before was positive, enforcing the belief that they alone were responsible for any improvement and skills they mastered.

They ended the same way.  It was positive, uplifting, encouraging, and at the same time it was talking about responsibility and dedication.  They were gently, firmly and lovingly encouraging these young girls to take full responsibility for their success or failure.  It was so refreshing!

Flashing back to the girls, we watched them from age 7 to about age 11, they played in a school district league.  They didn't play soccer, they played herd ball.  There was no attempt to teach skills, no desire to encourage the girls to be successful and to grow.  It was all about sameness, it was about not keeping score and everyone being the same.  There was no score keeping so that no feelings got hurt.  And no push for them to own their success or failure.  It killed me to watch it.  In their attempt to make sure no one's self-esteem got injured, they destroyed something far more valuable.

We are not all the same, each of us is unique and has wonderful treasures to share with the world.  This current mentality of sameness, is truly not designed to spare anyone's feelings, at least not in my opinion.  It is designed to keep the exceptional gifts each of us has buried.  It is more about control that it is about concern.

I am not athletic, oh not even close!  The only "sport" that I am even remotely good at is bicycling and I am never going to compete in Tour de France. Ever!  I was that kid that was always chosen last, goodness no one ever wanted me on their team, it was the kiss of death.  Did my feelings get hurt, sure... when I was younger and didn't really understand.  As I got older and was still always the last one chosen, after trying numerous sports and realizing it wasn't them it really was me, I stopped trying to be athletic.  It isn't me.

Bowling equaled my coach being injured, and me never bowling above 120 (with bumpers). Basketball was a disaster that caused my poor feet and knees so much pain for no return, I can't even make a basket.  Cheerleading was a joke for my uncoordinated self.  Gymnastics, nope, that is not even funny.  I have an issue with depth perception, so any of those great sports involving balls flying at you - tennis, softball, racquetball, etc... count me out.  Been injured too many times to count.  Swimming... yeah, no... drowning is not my strong suit. Skiing, which every small child in Europe masters by 4, resulted in misplaced thumbs and damaged bones.

I am able to own it.  No one had to coddle me and tell everyone else to lower their skills to make me feel better.  I am blessed I was a kid when it was still okay to fail.  When everyone did not have to be the same all the time.

I might not have those skills, but because I don't, and because I tried and failed I also found things that I am good at.

I love art.  I can paint, it's not my favorite creative outlet, but I am fairly good at it.  I knit, sew, crochet, spin yarns. I am good at woodworking.  I can create beautiful treasures with those skills.  Am I the best in the world at it?  No way!  I marvel at the men and women that seem to be masters, but it gives me something to shoot for.

I can garden, I can cook, I can make my own soaps and so many other things.  I excel at domestic arts.  And I love it!

I was allowed to excel at what was important to me.  I had people do for me like my grand baby's coach was doing for her.  I was taught the basics, I was made to try them and to do my best, I was encouraged and supported.  And I was never made to feel like a failure, but I was able to realize on my own what my strengths and weaknesses are.

I am grateful that I was grown before we stopped allowing our children to fail.  I am grateful that I wasn't part of this huge social experiment that has created at least one if not two generations that do not have the ability to know what makes them special, that drive to succeed and the ownership that is instilled.  The pride in your own successes, the lessons learned from your failures and the ability to be a stronger, more compassionate person because of it.

Competition is good for the human spirit.  It causes drive.  Whether it is in sports, academics, career, personal growth, economics.  It's good.  It's good to fail. It simply teaches you another way to succeed.

Watching those coaches last night... I couldn't help but wonder is the tide turning again?  There were about 75 young girls from about 4 - 11 all learning skills. Girls whose parents were paying $135 for eight weeks for their children to learn.  Being judged and guided to be better.  Forced to learn and push themselves to grow.  Are we as a nation finally realizing that we are not all the same?  Are we getting tired of mediocrity?

I hope so, I hope that the days of herd ball are behind us... I pray that we are on the cusp of a new revolution.  A revolution that leads us to celebrate success to embrace it, and to learn from failure.  To finally realize once again, that we are all different and it was those differences that for generations led us to be a leader in the world.  Celebrating and encouraging each person to embrace their strengths and not their weaknesses is what allows great things to happen.

I am tired of mediocrity.  I am tired of OK being good enough.  I am tired of lazy and accepting of the way it is... I am ready for a revolution, one that will make us a proud, strong, compassionate, caring, deserving nation once again!

Sock Salvation...

Enough already...

Snow, Snow and more snow... watching it come down, while looking at pictures of a beautiful California beach... somehow the two simply collide.  I have never had a desire to go to California, after all the snow this week (that we somehow don't seem to be able to get a handle on after almost a week), it is looking tempting.

Beautiful beach vs. Snow... hmmm no brainer?

This mom's heart is feeling much stronger.  The kids are having a good time, and the bits and pieces of life are falling together for my youngest.  Car - check, Apartment - check (lease gets signed today), sunshine - yep got that too... each text or phone call has me feeling better.  Even though they are so far away thanks to technology... they seem next door.

My girl and her friends on the beach

yep that's my boy avoiding the sun

Yes... he just bought his first car!

It's been a nutty week so far because of the weather, the start of the year, and simply just making it from day to day.  I wasn't feeling good earlier in the week which really put a kink on getting things going.  And here it is already Thursday... Which is good, because I am going to need a weekend this week!

My son is quiet, in fact other than asking what's for dinner, you wouldn't know he was here.  But with him gone, it's quieter, how does that happen.  I am slowly working on cleaning up the house from the holidays, doing some cleaning out, the tree and decorations will come down this weekend.  Yes I know it will be mid-January, but I wanted him to be able to enjoy it until he left. 

I have decided to challenge myself in my knitting this year.  I joined my first ever KAL, me a knit along?  I know it's insane, the ultimate in non-joiner, joining an online knitting group.  I was suckered in, that is all there was too it!  One of the dyers that I follow posted about it on Facebook, with a picture of the most delicious looking sock yarn, I was sold!  And I can get behind a knit along that simply requires you to knit something on a pair of socks each day of the year.  I love to make socks, almost as much as I love to wear them.  Seemed like a perfect win/win for me.

Soft sock yarn and beautiful German needles...

Early last week in an effort to calm my nerves, and yes creating does calm my nerves, I pulled out my beautiful needles from Germany and some sock yarn that I had fallen in love with last year and cast on... a week later, with lots of interruptions, I have one sock done and I am working on the gusset of the second.  I love this pattern, it is just fancy enough to showcase the beauty of the yarn, but it feels wonderful on the foot.  This pair in vintage rose is destined to be a gift.  Although I am fairly certain there will be another set made to add to my own sock collection.  I am just not sure it it will be in Vintage Rose, I seem to have a bit of an obsession with those colors and not much variety in my own collection.

Sock 1 waiting patiently for it's mate

I rarely make socks that do not have a short top, I am an ankle sock fan, even when I have longer socks I push them down to the ankles.  And I have found that most of the folks I gift with socks are the same.   My absolute favorite pair has the standard seven inch top, and I push them down to ankle height, so why waste time when I am simply going to do that anyhow? 

Hubby asked me the other day if I would ever sell my socks, it kind of made me sad to say no.  But I said it anyhow.  Socks require more time and concentration for me.  The yarn is pricier and honestly I just don't feel folks would pay what I would have to charge for a pair of hand knit socks.  The only way that anyone will receive a pair of my hand knit socks is as a gift of love. I give them for Christmas and birthdays, I have a nephew that loves the house socks I make him.  So much so, that a few years back he took all of his Christmas money and bought yarn so that I could make him socks for each house in the Harry Potter series.

It took me years to be brave enough to make socks, oh the complexity.  I could never manage to use four needles to make socks, yarn would slide off, I was too uncoordinated, oh yes I had an excuse for everything. Two hand surgeries later, bored out of my mind and only able to use the tips of my fingers... A passion was born.  Oh I know there are other ways to make them, not every pattern is on four needles, some use the magic needle method, there is toe up, and the two at a time method.  But I find great pleasure in top down, four needle traditional. I love the discipline that comes from keeping those stitches even as you slide from needle to needle and the beauty that comes from a perfectly grafted toe.  I am probably insane in that I love to graft the toes, but I do. 

Maybe over the course of the year I will really try a few of the other methods, more than just one pair of socks each, or maybe I won't.  I think we have established that I am a bit of a traditionalist, and I am often times quite inflexible about things.  Took me almost a decade to accept that not all quilts had to be hand quilted... I warm up to those newfangled things rather slowly...

Well, it's time to start getting ready for yet another snow commute into the city, I will knit, while Hubby drives (I love that we work in the same building!).  Tonight we will see our Grand baby and take her to soccer if it isn't cancelled due to snow.  I can't wait!  I will also check my phone a few hundred times to see the progress the kids are making.  Sis is due home this weekend, so lots of miracles will be happening over the next 48 hours... Even though I can't be there to enjoy it, I can still be part of it!

Enjoy the day... and if you are in this freezing cold... stay warm... if not... not so sure we can talk about it right now!

Frozen...

Just starting to accumulate yesterday...

Brrrr.... Wow can it get any colder?  Do not answer that! Because according to the weather, we haven't hit the coldest it is going to be yet.  It's breathtakingly beautiful outside, it really is.  But it is so brutally cold.  I have never seen this much snow, or felt it be this cold here in the mid-west.  For this area, it's pretty extreme.

I completely have to give kudos to IDot and MODot, because we drove a total of about 100 miles this morning and the roads were really good all considering.  Now that is not saying they were great, but considering the drifting snow, wind and cold.  Awesome.

So pretty... but so cold...

I will feel better when I get the text assuring me that the kids have made it to a non-snow area.  Probably a few more hours. Hubby and I will head back out in it in a few hours, we are opening late today and need to make it safely to work. I am far more concerned with the drive home at nine tonight.  Have a feeling some of that stuff is going to manage to be melted, at least for a minute and with these temps, that ice is going to be ugly.

One of my new favorite pictures of my guy & I

As we got in the car this morning the song "Let's Go" was playing.  Kind of sums up the morning and day.  It's more of a beginning, but for me it is an ending.  It's a tough day.  I hugged a little boy last night, this morning I hugged a grown man.  It's all good.

The other favorite!

I am more focused on the fact that even my windows are frozen... on the inside! I can't barely touch the door handles, simply too cold to touch. Hubby spent almost an hour making a path to the car and a potty park for our short little guy.  We never did manage to get our car back up the drive, but we got it far enough up that we were off of the road.

I promise you that if I didn't have to work today, I would not even consider going out.  It's far too cold.  My bank is closed, most of the shops around here are closed, heck even the Harley shop is closed. The city of St. Louis is closed.  Normally, I would say they were being ridiculous. Today, I have to agree.  Heater at full blast in the car for an hour and it was barely warm enough to have your coat off.  And that heater is so good that usually you end up turning it off.  Today, inside is the best place to be.

I have never seen our road completely empty at 9 am on a Monday, ever!

I am prayerful that the homeless folks agree to take shelter.  The news last night said there were many refusing shelter.  I am hoping that they rethought that decision as the temperatures dropped.

Well, I might try to take a quick nap before heading out again... Afraid I am trying to catch a cold on top of it all...

Poor little guy...

Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will start feeling happier... today... the cold feels perfect for my heart...

Taking bets...

Questioning their idea of blizzard conditions...

I keep looking out the window, each time I hear a snow plow go past.   I am not sure what they are plowing, but they are being diligent. The storm watch forecast on television is assuring me that the storm is still heading our way and there is a bit of snow starting to come down in St. Louis.  But here in Illinois... well... I think there is a whole inch on the deck out front.

Do you think Mother Nature heard my plea?  I am still hopeful, but starting to lose hope.  I am not as concerned as I was yesterday.  My girl rented a Suburban, that puppy is huge and heavy! We decided to not risk loading his world up in deep snow, so everything is loaded with the exception of electronics, a few blankets and a few remaining clothes, we will load that tomorrow morning when we take him to her house.  The first hour of his trip might be interesting.

I just looked outside as I went to fill my coffee.  It's starting to fall, its light and crispy, not what I like to hear.  That makes an icy glaze under that beautiful fluffy stuff.  Oh well... nothing one can do about it.  It's all survivable, it is more the folks that don't know how to deal with it that will be the problem.  And as I don't intend to go anywhere until morning...

Hubby bought some yummy Buffalo Trace Bourbon Cream for our morning coffee and I think some nice cinnamon toast with cream cheese and apple slices sounds like a perfect combination to start this day.

I am in a better spot today than I was yesterday.  Not a great one, but definitely a better one.

It was odd yesterday, loading up his stuff, officially moving him out after 11 years.  For almost half of his life this has been home.  Odd.  There were just a few times that it really wrenched my heart.  I guess what is bothering me so much is the distance.  When my girl left she didn't leave alone, she went far away initially, but she didn't go solo.  It was easier.  He is going solo, and I hate it!  In my brain he is always going to be my adorable little bug, most of the time my brain still pictures my tow headed little guy, holding my fingers tightly as he learned to walk.

Today is going to be devoted to finishing up a few last little bits of stuff for him.  Watching the latest two Sherlock's with him.  And just enjoying a forced day of quality time.  It's kind of ironic actually, eleven years ago we arrived here to a snow storm, just as we were unloading the truck a heavy snow began to fall.  Now as he is moving on with his life, it will be with a heavy snow.

Hubby is waiting on my attention this morning he needs some computer back up, I already have the dog's chicken jerky in the dehydrator and I am pretty sure I am going to make up a few jars of spiced pear butter this morning.  I had promised a few folks I would do it and the morning needs to be filled with busy work that won't allow me time to think.  I may even make a few batches of soap, the holidays definitely wiped out my stash. This afternoon, while enjoying family time I will finish up the crochet hat that my boy requested and then I am working on a few pairs of socks (I love soft handmade socks - my mom and sisters all do too) birthday's are coming.... for a change I will sit inside and enjoy the snow.

Tomorrow is going to be a harder day for me.  Watching my boy leave, while exciting is going to be tough.  Dang kids, they grow into strong adults that don't need you.  I know, I know... it means that we did a great job with raising them, but still... maybe I am not ready to stop.  Okay that simply made me laugh!  I am ready for him to be who he's been destined to be, and now it is time to start planning some nice vacations.  But... I do get to be a wimp and cry a few more times before I am completely ready.

Time to sit back and enjoy the white fluffy stuff from inside my nice warm house. I might even take bets on how accurate the forecasters are, they are now claiming it will be as big as snow event as it was in 1982... How are you spending this beautiful winter day?  

p.s.  It's just snow...

Let it... Not snow??

This mornings map... not promising...

 The weather forecast is calling for snow.  Lots of snow.  I think for the first time ever I am hoping for it to miss us.  I love snow, I love spending a weekend inside while it is cold and windy outside, all beautiful white and sparkling. Normally, I love it!

Today I am praying that the weather teams might be looking at the wrong map.  Our winters have been fairly mild for a long time now, sure we get the occasional few inches.  Sometimes it's a bit icy, but truthfully around here, it really isn't a cause for closing schools and businesses.  But with it being so rare anymore, well folks just don't know what to do when that white stuff falls.

I got three code red weather warnings yesterday, over 24 hours before it is supposed to hit.  Unbelievable really.  I am hoping it is like all the hoopla last year over "snowmeggedon" that had the media in a complete fit, predicting a foot of snow and blinding white outs.  The reality... less than two inches of snow and you barely saw it falling.

I am hoping.

I am hoping because on Monday my kids are set to embark on another grand adventure.  My youngest is moving.  My oldest is helping him get there.  Mom is going to be left at home, feeling lost and helpless.  I wish I could go, I would love the security that would come from seeing him settled in and knowing he was safe (by my standards).  I also know that at some point Mom has to let go and realize she has raised two amazing children that are more than ready to spread their wings and fly.

I will console, yeah that's it, myself spoiling my precious grand daughter rotten!

They had originally thought about leaving today, it isn't completely off the table.  Depending on what the weather decides to do.  Both of them are still comfortable with leaving Monday, we need time to pack and organize his world.  They have to leave Monday at the latest though.  That only gives them a week to make a 27 hour drive, find an apartment, buy a car, and get him comfortable driving to his new work location before he starts work a week from Monday.

As most of their drive will be through the south, where it is generally more mild and easier driving, I am a bit more at ease.  Although the weather patterns have been super crazy this year, I mean they've had snow and ice in Dallas.  And if I don't think they handle winter weather in the Midwest, where it has been known to happen with great regularity, imagine how they handle it further south.

I am struggling with this change.  I can barely sleep and I am worried.  Oh not that they won't be fine, not that we won't have a fantastic - if busy week with our baby.  I am worried because for the first time in his life, my all grown up baby, is going to be too far from me for my heart.  He will be fine.  Will I?

Yes, I know I will, but just like him... I don't like change.  He is so much like me, its easy for me to understand things he says.  This month will be a difficult change for me.  I am fairly sure that each trip to the grocery store will involve me looking for Amp, and that I will look for him each time I go in to take care of his turtle.  The turtle (Picasso) will likely miss him too, I know you wouldn't think that, but he is the only human that silly thing responds to and he spends a great deal of time sitting on his rock watching his human.

They are his spoiled babies...

The cats are going to go nuts!  They are really his and they have loved having him here at home since he graduated.  He's made the difficult decision to not take them with him.  They both turn 12 this year and 11 of those years have been here at our house.  Like he said this is their home.  His Snug will take it the hardest, he's had her since she was six weeks old, although he claimed her when she was barely a week old. Zorro thinks he's mine, or maybe I am his, so he will miss him, but will simply migrate back to allowing me to provide his human comfort.

I hope the snow decides to stop just north of us.  The stress of his moving does not need to be complicated by the stress of knowing they are out there driving through horrid weather on their journey.

Life changes... I am not a fan... I like the comfort and security that comes with consistency.  Maybe it's because I am a military brat, I simply don't like change and I hate my children being far from me.  This new normal is gonna take some getting use to!

Welcome 2014!

it's beginning...

Hard to believe a year has gone by, last New Years Day I was scheming, planning, setting goals and dreaming bigger dreams than I had ever dared to dream.  A year ago I was still plotting this blog, still gathering my courage.  I am not your typical Leo, I tend to hide in the shadows not dance in the limelight.  Last year was the start of a lot of changes for me.

This January 1, has found me feeling quieter and more reflective.  I find I am looking back more than I am looking forward.  It's the first time since I moved here in 2003 that I was able to simply enjoy the day.  Hubby and I spent most of the day resting, refocusing, watching a bit of television, working on small projects and simply being.

I am sure a lot of my reflective feelings have to do with those guys down the hall, my son and his best friend are in his room, laughing, talking, gaming and simply being young men.  It sounds so much like it has for years.  Their friendship goes back to when we moved here, and I am sure it will continue for a lifetime.  I love to hear them laugh and being silly, I know these days are slipping away.  Saturday will find his bud back east, he's in the Navy now and only home on break.  Monday will find my boy heading far west. 

The days of boyhood laughter will fade into Mom's memory.  They are both grown now, and starting their adult lives.  I have been enjoying the past few hours, filling up my heart.

This past year has been one of such extremes for me, that I feel this year needs to be more grounding.  I need to center a bit more. 

About 930 tonight the snow started falling, its the blowing windy kind.  I didn't expect it, so I sure am enjoying it.  Just as I was getting ready to start unwinding and climb into bed, those silly boys decided they were hungry.  Being the absolutely crazy Mom that I am, I offered to go out back and grill some burgers.  They both enjoy them and like I said... soon they won't be here every day for me to spoil. 

Even though my silly guy was concerned that it might be cold, I think he was pretty grateful that Mom was willing to go out and make him burgers.  I can't remember the last time I stood outside at 10:00 pm in a blowing snow grilling burgers.  I can remember my Dad, decades ago, on a snowy night in upstate New York making us omelets in the middle of the night.  I hope those burgers are something he will remember years from now.  I know he knows he is loved.  Sometimes that love is all you need to wrap your heart in when you find yourself lonely and far from home.

I haven't planned my journey through 2014... I know Hubby and I will spend as many hours as possible riding.  I will quilt, spin, knit, crochet, teach and all the other things that I have found heal my soul and center me.  I will miss my son as he moves so far away to start his adult life, I will wish my girls were closer - 45 minutes doesn't seem like much... but it is.  And I will treasure each moment.

I have so many friends that 2013 did not end the way they planned.  As I stood out back and enjoyed the snow while grilling, I looked over at our neighbors house.  I don't believe she's been home much since her husband passed a few weeks ago.  They didn't have children, I can't imagine how her heart is hurting, it's not something I can comprehend.  I thought about their moments, and I said a prayer that they filled them with love and memories. 

We all need to focus on the moments, after all our life is about living the dash... I need to learn that lesson this year.  Because it is about the dash...

Sweet dreams...

Time to interrupt my fur boys ...

Auld Lang Syne

It's about fifteen minutes before my family back east celebrates the beginning of yet another year... We've still got an hour and fifteen to go here in my neck of the woods.  For the first time since I have lived here we don't have to get up early tomorrow.  Both Hubby and I will stay home and enjoy a day off.  One would think we might be celebrating... One would be wrong.

Our kids are off doing what 20 somethings do as an old year fades and a new one full of hope and promise dances in with great excitement!  I never really got into that and it's been a long time since I have seen midnight arrive in my own time zone. I usually celebrate one of the times in Europe and find myself sleeping blissfully through the noise makers, fireworks and excitement outside. 

Hubs has been in bed for a bit and I am curled up on my sofa in my warm jammies watching a minute or two of  New Years Eve in New York.  I have been working on a project for my son, and enjoying the night. 

Soon I will crawl into bed, my phone turned up all the way beside me, just in case one of my kids needs me.  Mom's taxi service will readily be available.  For me it really isn't about the craziness of the night. It is just another night.

Do you have resolutions?  As a general rule I don't.  I pretty much always have the same ones, I wonder if that makes me really lazy and bad at setting and achieving goals, or realistic.

Each year my resolution is to strive to be a better person than the year before. Perfection will never happen.  But if I can be a bit kinder, more empathetic, make more time for loved ones and have more patience with others... Is that really a bad thing?

2013 has been a year of changes, a year of ups and downs.  I have been able to watch my children reach for stars that seemed to be out of reach and find them resting softly in their hands. Hubby and I have made some decisions that seemed difficult at the time, only to realize they were decisions whose time had come. 

As we stand on the edge of 2014, it's with great excitement and anticipation, with a touch of apprehension thrown in for good measure.  So many changes are happening... So many things will never be the same again... I will miss some of the things from 2013, helping my daughter set up her new life, road trips to UCIC to spend a weekend with my son, late night chats with my son, so much that will never return, but has been filed in the memory banks to pull out each year around this time to remember and cherish.

I don't think I will set resolutions again this year...

I think I will stick with my tried and true...

Hubby and I will face the new year arm and arm... bring on the changes we are ready!

I pray that 2014 brings much love and happiness to all of you.  That each of us can find peace, and if we can't find it that we let it begin with ourselves.  I pray that we will come together as American's and once again find our glory and greatness, that we can yet again become a valued part of our global community.  And that our dreams, wishes and of course goals come true! 

Happy New Year!!!