Snug...

I want to sleep.  I haven't closed my eyes yet tonight. 

I should be worn out and sound asleep.

Until about an hour ago, I was sitting up with the last of our two black kitties.  She passed away a right around 3 this morning. 

We'd spent the day bouncing in and out, helping our girl at her house. Going to the home show, drooling over a few things and just basically enjoying the first truly beautiful spring day.

Snug has been slowing down.  I mean geez she would have been 17 next week.  The stairs were proving a bit more difficult and our little micro kitty was moving a bit slower, looking for her favorite spots in the sun. Yet even this morning she shared breakfast with Gator.

Over the years, we were betting that she would be the last one to cross the rainbow bridge.  Not the first.

Tonight when we got home I could hear her meow in the garage.  It was unusual, but I figured she was coming out of her food closet and Neeko or Gator got too close.  As I cleared the door she was lying against the closet, she had meowed to let Neek's know he needed to move away.  She was the queen of the castle until the very end, but she didn't look right.

She had a strange look in her eyes and her head was a bit wobbly.  Never did that beautiful black baby girl with the neon white whiskers ever look wobbly, she always looked regal. I often joked we should have named her Sheba.  Because she was every bit a queen.

By the time I had emptied my hands and turned around I watched her struggling to take just a few steps.  Something was very wrong.

I called my girl, let her know that something was up with Snug and I was afraid we were losing her. I could already feel my heart starting to break into tiny pieces. I'd scooped her up and was carrying her snuggled close to my chest, somehow hoping the body heat was going to change the thoughts rushing through my head.

A short while later my girl came over, bringing Hubs' phone.  He's developed a habit of leaving it at her house today. She looked at our Snuggy and the look in her eyes confirmed what I had already figured out.  She wasn't long for this world, she was going to be crossing the rainbow bridge very soon.

We called the boy.  He lives far away, but Snug is his baby.  I still remembering agreeing to let him get her all those years ago. She wasn't 2 weeks old when he had claimed her as his own. When our girl put him on speaker it was the most heartwarming and heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen.  With her limited strength she edged over and nudged the phone with her head.  I think she loved hearing his voice.  She worshiped her boy. 

We each have our favorite memories of that little dynamo.  I am not a cat person at all, yet she and her brother stole my heart.  We lost him almost 5 years ago.  Hubs will remember driving 2000 miles in a weekend for her, I remember her falling in the wall at my ex-mother-in-law's home when she was all of 7 weeks old, she liked to hide, she and I almost came to blows over that.  I will forever remember when I was so sick that sweet baby never left my side.  Sleeping curled on my head as I struggled to get well. I wonder if she thought it would heal me?  I will never know.  Mostly, I will always remember that she loved her boy.  Rushing to his arms whenever he was home.  He was always and forever her person. 

As I sat holding her tonight and gently petting her soft, soft fur.  A million memories rushed around me.  I was torn.  I was softly reassuring her that I knew it was her time to go and that we loved her and would miss her, and silently wished she could make it long enough to see her boy again.  I knew she couldn't.

I'm allergic to cats.  I strive to not hold them for long, as I will pay for it.  She needed me tonight.  I needed to be there for her this time. I can't believe how fast the hours ticked past.

It's Hubs birthday.  Not exactly a great way to start his special day.  I'm starting to dislike birthday's connected with him.  My Dad passed over on his Dad's birthday. As I look around the house, I am mentally ticking off the things I have to do.  I don't know if my heart will be ready today. 

I don't know that her toys will need to leave right away, but there is no sense at all in keeping a stinky litter box now. Just not tonight.

I think I will go and pet her soft, soft fur one more time. She will wait at the rainbow bridge, not for me, for her boy. I gave her as much comfort as I could, I hope she knew how much she was loved.

Run free at the Rainbow Bridge Snug... we love you and will miss you here...