Finally feels like spring.
Hubs and I finally decided to get our deck repaired. It wasn't in bad shape as the guys have assured me multiple times since yesterday morning when they started. In my world, it was terrifying. I am sure a lot of it is because I am terrified of heights. Yet it wobbled a bit much for me and the rails simply didn't feel sturdy. I had panic attacks every time someone leaned back or if we had more than two guests over wanting to sit on the deck.
It is coming together beautifully. The dreary blue has been replaced by the warm earthiness of fresh wood.
Being out in the cool, damp morning looking at the work progressing definitely got me motivated. That and the fact that my car is "trapped" in the garage - I can't get it out, but Hubs assures me if I need it he can.
Maybe what I need is to be trapped.
The front beds have been weeded. More of that dreaded English ivy has been pulled up, I truly hate the invasive nature of it. Killing my trees and climbing up the siding. Uggh...
I pruned all the trees that I could reach from the ground. I am not that short so they were not all shrubs. Although I will need a ladder to finish the rest. Maybe when the deck is done.
Before I headed out I even managed to transplant most of my indoor plants including the one that I almost killed at work by over-watering it in a moment of not being able to focus due to stress. Hubs has put that one down in the man cave to try and bring it back to life. The window there is perfect, not too direct of light, perfect to nurture and nurse the plants.
I've been in an odd place for a bit. One of the reason's I haven't been writing. I wasn't somewhere that I felt I could write. Not so much a mental block as an exhaustion block. The stress of the past few months has been unreal.
It's kind of lead me to feel frozen in place.
It started thawing when I was in Arkansas to help Mom. It's the longest I have even been away from Hubs, which was a bit stressful, I missed him. But it also reset my brain processes and my thoughts.
I took a lot of projects with me, things to keep me busy while she recovered, although I wasn't clear on what would motivate me. I actually found several that completely engaged me. I move around in what I work on, I have far to many favorites to stick to one. I've been a bit obsessed with yarn work for a good long while, I'm moving back into needlework and smelling all the saw dust has me looking longingly at my saws. I am also getting ready to tackle learning to make jewelry with my stones that bring me comfort. Yep... easily distracted.
While I was visiting Mom I helped her get her deck plants planted. I think that is where the bug started. Day's later I found a quote about working in soil and how good it is for the soul and the body. I love to have my fingers in dirt. One of the only things I miss about my old house, is that I no longer have a garden. It hurts my soul to not be digging in the soul, weeding around the nourishing plants that are waiting to be harvested. Here our deck gets to much sun, container garden's bake. I could try the lower deck, but then I am simply planting to feed the squirrels, raccoons, opossum and the deer. That would wear me out. I love fresh veggies that I have grown.
There are so many things still swirling for me. I feel like the energy shift is moving towards better. Life at work is balancing. I am building an awesome staff team. At home I am starting to have a burning desire to work on my home, finish projects. Create our nest.
I actually love cooking again. It feels like life is starting to become real again.
Was it the dirt under my nails? The needles sliding slowly through the fabric? Or maybe it was simply slowing down and putting things into perspective for myself again. I don't know. But for the first time in far too long, I feel like me.
I want to celebrate this life of mine that I love. I want to take care of my home, my Hubs, my everything. Maybe it was losing Snug? And dealing through that hurt. It has dampened my fear of losing the boys. I know it will hurt, but I also know they are loved, and know that they know they are loved.
I feel a thawing. I feel walls coming down and joy returning.
The other day I was blessed to participate in an energy class, learning techniques to center myself, to balance and increase my energy flow. I will definitely be connecting deeper into what I learned.
It's time to get back to creating (I had written work, but it isn't work, it's joy). To balance out the chaos with the joy and the accomplishments that are waiting.
It's time to dig into more....
No comments:
Post a Comment