Sunday, May 5, 2019

wasting the moments...

This morning I chose to simply sit for a moment and enjoy my coffee.


It's semi-quiet, Hubs is up and down in his man cave working on - work - he struggles to shut off for even a day.  I can't say much, so do I.  I spent most of yesterday morning dealing with work.  So I really can't say much at all. 

All of that put me a bit behind on the things that I wanted to do yesterday.  But in proper perspective, it simply didn't matter.   It needed to happen. 

Shortly I will hear my Gator making his exasperated humfing sounds at the top of the stairs, his age shows when it is time to travel those silly stairs and he must suffer the indignation of human assistance.  I assure you, he feels it is suffering. I think if he could talk it would be in a very haughty proper English gentleman's accent and he would have no problem telling what insufferable bores we were being while assisting.  Instead, he rolls his eyes and makes those silly humfing noises.  Enough to let us know that he is not impressed with our feeble attempts to provide service. 


Neeko on the other hand is simply chilling. He's moving much slower now, but is still the same mellow, gentle giant he's always been. He just moves at a slower pace and rests a lot more than he used to. 


When they have both decided to wake for the morning (I would say day, but honestly it will probably be an hour or two before nap time) we will take them for their morning stroll.  It used to be a brisk walk, now... it's a barely moving shuffle.  Definitely cannot count that as a daily walk anymore.  Not sure the Fitbit would even register it as movement. It's sad.  Yet at the same time, we are thankful for every single moment they stay with us. 

These past few years have definitely been ones that have driven home the lessons of loss for me.  At the same time they have highlighted the gratitude that permeates every moment. 

Forever now it seems that I have been saying "I'm too busy" "I don't have a moment" and a few other phrases that are very similar.  I don't think that it is the truth.  I think I have created a non-stop mentality, that isn't leaving me room for what is truly important.  

I am trying to start making time.  

I don't want to say scheduling, because that simply means more of the same.  I am working to identify the things that are truly important to me and making the time to do them. 

The repair to the deck was on of those things.  It's been waiting. 






Yesterday was the start of another example.  

The first spring we lived here I noticed a struggling little lilac bush on the edge of the back yard before it rolls down the steep hill that is the majority of my yard. It was so pretty the little baby flowers.  Sadly, our yard has been over run for years before us with invasive honeysuckle.  Every year since I have told Hubs I wanted to get down there and cut out the honeysuckle.  Between illness, rain or heat for 4 years it has gone unchecked.  I was sure I had completely lost the lilac bush and the Rose of Sharon (what survived from my grandson's pruning a few years back) on the other side was definitely looking like it was lost also. 

Hubs and I headed down the steep hill.  The honeysuckle was going down.  

As we cut through honeysuckle and wild raspberries, the thorns tearing at our arms and legs, I was feeling hopeless.  It took a few hours to cut back the honeysuckle, it was so overgrown and killing everything.  Finally, there it was.  

The little lilac bush was still there.  It's in bad shape from having been overrun, but it is still there. 

We also cleared around the Rose of Sharon.  Maybe it will bloom this year.  It's so beautiful. 

There are piles of honeysuckle dying in piles on lawn.  It is not finished.  It is definitely going to be a long term project.  But it's a start.  

We accomplished something that had been waiting for years.  It felt incredible, at least the accomplishment did.  The aches and pains today prove Hubs and I were smart to hire our grandson to deal with the rest of cutting and bagging. 

Having made the decision to just dive in, felt incredible. It felt inspiring.  It felt like it opened more opportunities. It is amazing how much time we waste on television, computer and phone time.  It eats up hours of time.  Hours that we don't realize we lose until far too late. 

Who knows maybe this is the beginning of me finally starting to wrap up some projects.  I love my job.  It does make me happy.  So does my home.  I've been neglecting too much. 

I was hoping to invite one of my friends over for dinner yesterday.  We wanted to grill and visit.  As most of the deck items are stashed in the house, there was no way I was going to subject anyone to that.  Maybe the deck will be finished tomorrow... I need some time with family and friends. 

I love this shift... I hope it continues...

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