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| Cheers! |
I feel quite accomplished by the fact that I am up early enough to watch your first sunrise of the year. So please don't disappoint. It was pretty dreary and blah yesterday as the rains washed away all the pain and negativity of 2018.
I don't do resolutions, why make a promise that you do not intend to keep? I simply can't handle the failure factor. While a friend of mine talks about intentions, and I do like that better, it still smacks of the possibility of failure, or at least letting myself down. Nope, that won't work for me either.
Nope, I don't want to spend a moment regretting not doing what I'd said I was going to do. I've instead decided today seems like a good day to start a new journey. It's one that I have been thinking about, planning, studying up on, planning some more, dreaming about, and all those other some day words. I've been lazy about implementing them, because well... failure.
Some of the things are simply a return to a simpler time in my life. I've gotten far too comfortable with convenience. In fact convenience and I have developed an intense hate/love relationship. It's time to break up. I loathe going out to eat on a regular basis, I cannot stand the non-stop noise, waiting for water, the risk that it's simply not going to be what I really was longing for in the first place, the fear of how, what, why and how it was prepared, and the dreaded argument with Hubs. "What do you want for dinner? I don't care what do you want? I don't care, you make the decision". This has the potential to go on for far too long, usually dissolving in one or the other if not both of us getting cranky and having a miserable time on top of iffy food.
Not to mention convenience has a price, and frankly my cheap heart is really struggling with it. Yes, I'm exhausted at the end of most days, I somehow manage to always put in far too many hours. And I get cranky when Hubs - who is also fairly also exhausted sits and relaxes while I cook. This is where the planning needs to kick in. I simply need to make a plan on the weekend for the week and make it happen. This fly by the seat of my pants stuff is definitely wearing me out, taking far more time, and stealing precious time from me, from Hubs from living a peaceful life.
I'm not delusional, every night is not going to be a 3 course meal by candle light. Although, the time saved commuting from point A to point B alone is going to be enough time to light those candles and probably squeeze in a nice relaxing evening stroll after dinner. And there are going to be nights that don't go as planned, I mean after all we both work for the Y and let's be honest, that is not a 9 - 5 job with an hour lunch break and weekends off. Hence the planning, there has to be a plan B.
It's also time to start finally unpacking my house. Yes, yes, I know I have now lived here going on 5 years, I am also painfully aware that there are still boxes and full rooms that I have not unpacked, or even begun to organize. It really has nothing to do with the new year, other than I simply cannot take it any longer. The past 5 years have been full of chaos, stress, starts and stops, and we have simply been floating along on the sea of unfinished business, I guess we thought the magic elves were going to finally finish the work.
This year we finally tackle the man cave, the paint has been sitting there for months, the decorations are piled around the room waiting to be hung and decorated. We haven't bought the flooring, although we picked it out about 2 years ago. And maybe just maybe it's time to put up some curtains.
My sewing room, I believe I have mentioned that hot happening mess. It's on the agenda. My girl said it beautifully last night when she told me I needed to get it in order, that creating was essential to my soul and I needed to finally get on it. She's right.
And that silly thing called balance that I keep talking about, well, I can talk about it for hours, days and years, unless I make the decision and commitment to actually doing it. Why not now?
None of it is going to happen over night, which is why I am giving myself a full year to accomplish things. I've been so focused on things that don't make me happy, that give me nothing to chat with Hubs about, nothing that makes my heart soar with the "I did that", my very soul has been missing the important things in life. So if not now, when?
I'm a planner, I need time to think things through. I've spent the past few months letting it drift along on the edges of my consciousness, the past 11 days I have dug deeper, planned harder, committed to writing my hopes, plans and dreams down in my planner in ink. I find that writing it down, in something non-eraseable makes it real. It forces me to commit.
So 2019... as I start this new journey, my heart is fully engaged. It is not a resolution, nor is it an intention, it's a plan. There will be missteps, there will be missed benchmarks. There will be successes and joy.
Let's get the show on the road, Happy New Years Day!
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