I'm spinning internally. It seems that this year was definitely about change, serious change for me.
I lost my Dad.
I've lost dear friends.
And now I am getting ready to face yet another change.
Being a military brat/spouse for most of my life, this past 15 years has been a bit unusual. I've developed friendships, roots, a commonality with those around me. Stability.
I mean yes, I've changed jobs, I've moved houses and well states - but only because where I live is a border area.
I've changed roles both in my personal and professional life.
I've changed. A lot!
Yet some things have remained solid and steady.
Right now I feel a bit like a whiny baby. There are big changes in my professional world.
BIG.
And that scared little military brat that loves the challenges of a new adventure is excited. But the woman that I have become is heart broken at the loss of the "family" and stability that I have finally gotten.
It's time for me to take on a new role. I am not sure that I was ready to walk away from the old one. But I am not sure if it personal or professional. It'a all intertwined with so many things that aren't mine to share. So much of it is twisting and turning in my head and heart.
There has been so much change.
Over my birthday weekend my sweet Hubs ended up in the hospital. He's okay, he will be just fine. But he has to make some choices with his own life. He has to decide that those lifestyle changes are okay. I can't do it for him. Despite the fact that I would like to. I've tried for years to convince him that some choices were not good for him, this week someone else agreed with me, loud and clear.
In the midst of this, fate stepped in and changed my course professionally. I have a new path to follow. I will still be connected to what I love, but I will have a new address, soon. And a team that I have built and loved will have a new person in my role. I hate to say a new leader, I don't consider that who I am. I have a great team of people that I get the honor and privilege of working hand and hand with to make a difference.
When my new role starts, I will have a new group of people. A new, yet same path.
The shock is easing. I love a new challenge. I know that in order to grow that change is necessary. I am currently wondering what lessons I need to learn. Why has this year taken so much away.
When I took on Downtown, I was able to call my Dad, tell him. He understood, not only my excitement but my fears. Now as I get ready to change again, I know that I cannot call him and listen to his halting speech help me sort it out. For the first time since 2007 I am leaving behind people that I adore and consider my family.
Oh I know that they won't be far. That I can go back to visit them. That they will still be my family, but it feels a little like a divorce. A little like if I did that I would be stepping on someone else's toes. I also know me. I know who I am and how I operate.
I will probably be a bit quieter.
I will probably need some serious time to get my feet on solid ground. I have a Hubs to heal and a whole lot of internal growth that needs to happen. The changes are feeling far too overwhelming right now. Personally, professionally, completely.
As my Facebook feed fills with positive message and hope (quiet by design) I am looking for that balanced happy place... I am mourning losses mine and others, and I am struggling...
Interesting start to my 53rd year...
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