Hubs is getting ready to go to work. One of his branches is having a work day. I have told him repeatedly to go easy, but knowing Hubs, he won't. One can hope.
Today my should's and wanna's are fighting one another. I know mentally, I need a "me" day. I need to rest, reset and maybe just make some soap all day. I'm trying to sort out how to make all the bits line up frankly. I have work chores, home chores and wanna enjoy life activities. And sadly, the same 24 hours as everyone else.
I've already done a couple of the chores, yes it's not even 7 am, yes I might be crazy. So I feel ultimately I will do a little on all of them. A bit of a mix and match to make the most of the few hours Hubs will be gone.
But first I am stealing a few precious moments to simply relax, write and drink my hot coffee while watching the sun creep up. I know that I will need to mow early today - another long stretch of heat warnings starts at noon. And I am not at all about to give myself a heat stroke mowing that darn hill.
I'm starting to balance out. I am starting to feel excitement to starting my new role. It's like when I was a military kid/spouse and we got our new assignment. A new "required opportunity". Initially, it was traumatic - hmmm wonder how many military dependents suffer PTSD - anyway... that first week or two was so traumatic, you had to leave your home, your friends, your work, your school, your city, your state and sometimes even your country. It was always heartbreaking. Then before you knew it, a bit of time had passed, you'd mourned and grieved. And somewhere along the way, you started to explore information about where you were headed. What it was like, the people, the weather, the culture. You read books, watched shows, sorry it was pre-internet so there was no Google... you found maps, pictures, anything that connected you. Sometimes as a military kid you got a pen pal, that was always fun. While working on transitioning, there was a ready made friend waiting, sometimes it didn't work out quite that way.
I'm a couple of weeks away from where I was when I found out I was moving. I've been to a few meetings. I've walked around and met a few frontline staff. There are a few that I know. I smiled when I saw my old pool table, sitting proudly in the youth lobby. It's not a new Y for me, I started there as a volunteer what seems like a lifetime ago. Much has changed since those days. It will be different.
Yet, as I am wrapping up my life at my beloved MX, I am starting to feel the excitement, the desire to set up my office (although I have asked for a different color of paint - bold colors are a bit stressful for me). I am starting to dip my toes in. I am starting to transition. I've even caught myself more than once saying "my" or "our" when referring to the new Y. I have faith that my replacement will take care of my building and I am working on learning as much as I can about where I am going. While at the same time focusing on closing all of the chapters of where I have been.
I've relied on tarot cards, prayers, friends and family to reassure myself that this is a good thing. My girl, who is always up for change of any kind cannot believe I was so stressed and not eagerly excited. My boy, who is much more like me, understands. Hubs is just excited I'm going to his old building I think.
Me... I'm getting there...
In the meantime, there are budgets, presentations, and reports at work, at home there are carpets to clean, laundry, cars to vacuum and seats to extract, dusting and tidying abounds. And then on the wanna do, there are multiple bars of soap needing to be made, there is alpaca wool to be spun, quilts to put on the frame and sooner or later I might actually clean and unpack my sewing room. There are dreams of projects that will have to wait just a bit longer.
Has life always been this busy and complicated, or have I allowed it to sort of accumulate?
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