I have spent some time on my home today, and it feels wonderful! Actually, I've done a lot of things that are centering and lifting me up. I can almost feel Mercury retrograde slipping away. It's definitely been a time of change and transition for us.
Hard to believe it's been two weeks since Hubs had his stroke. Other than being a bit more tired and the persistent headache you can hardly tell. He's convinced that everyone can tell, that it's very obvious, that he is somehow less than he was two weeks ago. They can't, it's not and he isn't. But he will have to figure that out on his own.
He is still Hubs. His smile is the same, his wicked sense of humor is completely intact and he's still the amazing, loving man he's always been. So he's a bit tired, aren't we all. There are days that I can't make it as long as he does. And truth be told, it's not really different than it was before.
As his medication starts to lower his blood pressure and he gets more restful sleep. I am sure that he will feel his old self before long at all.
I have been so far behind on everything lately. Our home has simply felt like more unfinished business. The boys have been sick, so I have been spending all my time at home cleaning up messes and feeling overwhelmed.
Today I started not feeling overwhelmed.
We bought a carpet cleaner and I have now officially cleaned all the carpet except the stairs and the man cave. I'm too tired to go any further so it will wait until tomorrow.
I've accomplished so much today, I can rest tonight feeling like I have made a difference in our home and yard.
I don't want Hubs to push it, so I have been doing the lions share of the bigger chores. I don't mind, I actually love mowing the lawn, particularly when it isn't brutally hot. And I always do the laundry. I even managed to get the dishwasher loaded and ran without him rushing in to rearrange it. It's something he is FAMOUS - or rather infamous for.
I'm finally starting to be excited about my new Y. I do love new things, I might thrive on them. And this is a pretty decent sized change for me. I will be taking on a building that has youth programming, a pool, kids (yeah they seem to come with the "programming"), senior programming and even a skate park. It feels like a crazy big leap... It wasn't something I had even thought of. I was perfectly happy with my team in my little branch. I will miss them, my members and the community that has been home for over a decade.
But I am ready to embrace the change. I'm ready to stretch my wings out and take the next steps.
It's just so different.
My daughter made a comment today while we were running around with her, helping her move the trailer to our youngest grandson's new house. She said, "how can you move on with a new life when there are still things unfinished from your old life" - or something pretty close to that. Maybe that is where I am at. I'm not being as radical as she is, but I feel like I am trying to sort out all the bits of the past and start fresh. I have a month to get my hands around what is going on in totality.
It felt wonderful to work on the house until exhausted. It gave me energy and purpose to research and buy the items needed to make my boys nutritious food. To plan a few meals and catch up on a few chores. It's been a blessed day.
Tonight as my eyes get heavy and my legs are asking me what I was thinking. I feel like the fog is starting to life. Like laughter and joy are allowed. I feel acceptance and hope.
It's been a time of many changes, this year has felt overwhelming. Completely. Yet, we are still standing. Things have shifted and changed. We haven't wanted the changes, tears have fallen, hearts have broken. Wounds opened, some healed.
It's okay to be hopeful and thankful... it's okay to move forward with life.... I've been gifted with a pineapple, shared meals with families and friends, shared good news, sad news and comforted where I could, celebrated when possible... it's been a busy week. A busy time forward...
You?
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