I've been trying to fall back asleep for almost two hours, I finally gave up. Now I'm sitting here waiting for the coffee to brew. I thought Hubs was awake, but it appears he's fallen back to sleep. I am not about to wake him. Our vacation days are drawing to a close and sleeping in is rare for him. He's always been an early riser, the older he gets I question if he gets near enough sleep, as he know wakes up in the middle of the night (yep, I consider 3 am the middle of the night).
I was stunned to open the door to let Neeko out, it's been bitterly cold and I was excited to see that it was a whopping 21 degree's when I checked. Imagine my surprise to open the door to gale force winds that were bitterly cold. I know it's "officially" winter now, but it sure seems like Mother Nature waited until Dec. 21 and then started throwing a tantrum.
If it's going to be this cold, I would prefer the snow my family in Erie have. I mean seriously, at least that gives you a solid excuse to stay inside and enjoy the beauty. Cold for the sake of cold, simply seems like a waste to me.
My kiddo's have both wandered to warmer temperatures to bring in the New Year, and Hubs and I were expecting family and friends. Each time I get a text I cringe a bit, looks like the family bit is off the table. And the friends part is looking iffy.
Folks are getting sick left and right. I completely understand as I am still struggling to shake whatever got me. I definitely do not do well with sick and the fact that Sunday makes two full weeks, well frankly that is completely unacceptable.
I felt a minor panic attack coming on at the eye doctor Thursday. I was apologizing while asking the sweet assistant to repeat herself, explaining that I damaged my ear drum and was struggling to hear her. She was completely understanding, explaining she had the same thing happen in September. And that she'd just started hearing normally about two weeks ago. WHAT???
I can handle the coughing, the body aching, but this non-stop ringing/underwater sounding ear is about to make me insane! I can barely hear and my own voice sounds hideous. I keep answering the phone to the right as I normally do, only to have to switch ears when I cannot hear what is being said to me. I have to admit the frustration is starting to be overwhelming.
I guess I should be thankful, it does help me to understand Hub's frustrations. He's mostly deaf in one ear. I truly cannot judge how loud I am speaking, it sounds thunderous in my head, although since I keep getting asked to repeat myself I am guessing I am speaking super soft.
I firmly believe that we learn through experiences. It develops not only sympathy, but more importantly empathy. When you've experienced something it gives you a broader base of understanding. It was easy to say I understood when my frustration with repeating myself was getting strong. Now, I truly do understand, from a different place. They aren't simply words. My frustration at repeating myself was nothing compared to my frustration at not being able to hear what is being said. At being left out. Because that is how it feels. Part of something, but not.
Many times Hubs has said that the kids and I talk to softly and when we go out to dinner in a noisy restaurant he can't hear a thing we say and feels excluded. So many times I have felt maybe he was over reacting. One of my staff that wears hearing aids struggled greatly during our grand opening. He was short tempered and snappy, I was stunned because that is not his personality at all. After this week, I understand.
The kids had wanted to go to the mall the day after Christmas - first off this is something I rarely do, I HATE CROWDS, but the boy was heading west and his favorite Asian fast food is not available where he lives, so lunch at the mall it was. The noise was overwhelming, I could not hear anything except the roar in my head. I was almost in tears the entire time. I have no idea what was being said, I always sit to Hub's left so he can hear me, and my right ear is messed up. I saw everyone talking, but sat there in my own private hell. I had no idea what was going on. The volume was excruciating.
Empathy is a good thing.
I feel it helps us to become better people. I have another member of my team that is completely deaf. I've been meaning to learn some basic sign language to help us communicate, unfortunately, I hired her right before we started to close the old branch. Needless to say I haven't made time to do so. She must feel a bit isolated, sure we've found ways to communicate, but I could do better. Maybe I can add that to my non-resolutions that I am going to make.
I love the fact that when you are silent and take a moment to "listen" life teaches you lessons for where you are. I think I have needed these two weeks more than I thought. I have been moving so fast for such a long time. This forced slow down has definitely made me listen.
I never did make soap the other day, my energy level was too low. Instead, I balled a skein of beautiful yarn that I bought from Yarn Geek Fibers at the Strange Folk Festival this summer. It's the Rocketeer Superwash in the "Naziyah Mohmood (Rocket Science)" color way. If you are a knitter/crocheter/spinner I highly recommend their yarns and rovings. They are my one seriously guilty pleasure!
I logged into Ravelry and found simple, no brainer pattern for a shawl/scarf pattern - the first I've made. Found my favorite rose wood needles, curled up in the living room chair and cast on. It's the kind of pattern that doesn't need counting, doesn't need forced attention, doesn't need anything except my fingers to be moving. And I have been watching movies with Hubs.
I've been resting, thinking, healing, and simply enjoying the break.
Life... thank you for the lessons. Anyone else been learning anything new lately?
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