Since I don't rush off to a traditional job any longer I find that I usually do not get out of bed until around 6 am, I might be awake, in fact I usually am. But I often find that early morning hour or two the time that I get engrossed in learning a new skill or reading an article or two about things I find fascinating, after I have spent some time in deep thought and meditation. It balances me out. What I am finding though, is that then I am rushing about trying to complete all of the tasks that need to happen before Hubs leaves or starts his day.
I'm not sure that I want to give up that quiet time, it's a leisurely way to start the day off. Hubs usually brings me coffee around 6 and that signals that it's time to start the day off at a brisk pace. I am finding that hour or two to be a bit stressful, which is why I am not sure my current plan is working. On the flip side, the time after that rushed period is priceless and calm. Maybe I am just pushing against the way I used to do things and that is causing the anxiety? I don't know, my old life was all about rushing and hurrying. It was very hard on me mentally and emotionally, and I will not even talk about the damage it caused physically. You really don't think about those things when you are deep in the moment. You simply survive.
I don't live in survival mode any longer. I am so blessed and thankful for that. It might be the reason why whenever I am confronted with even a tinge of it, almost like a boomerang feeling that instills that fight or flight emotion?
This morning I forgot to turn the flame off under my cast iron skillet after making breakfast. That one is going to need cleaned and seasoned again. I almost crumbled when it happened, Hubs kept telling me over and over that it wasn't a catastrophe, but for that moment, it felt like it.
I'm calmer now. The pan is okay. Hubs has been fed, Pups have been fed and walked. But for a moment it felt out of control, I guess I sometimes have PTSD from the life I lived before.
In a bit I am going to head to the kitchen and work on some canning, it didn't happen yesterday. Time got away from me while I was gathering recipes and planning my course of attack on the pile of fresh veggies that need my attention. Before I knew it is was almost time for the youngest grands to join us for Easter dinner. It was late, the dragon was with her dad and needed retrieved. It didn't matter, it was wonderful to have everyone gathered together. If we had planned a bit better I might have gotten all of the grands together, but alas I am not incredibly awesome at planning.
Today is going to be a serious homemaker day, the dreariness outside is definitely compelling me to stay inside. It looks like I have enough tomatoes to make the tomato paste and a small batch of tomato sauce. Of course I still have 5 pounds of jalapeno's to prepare and get into their cans. The two months of waiting will feel like an eternity, but the freshness of homemade is worth it. I think I am going to run up to the fruit stand and get more pickling cucumbers before I start the pickles, it feels a bit like a waste to prepare the brine for so few, but we'll see where I am later in the day. By tonight the onions will be in the dehydrator, the red buds will be strained for jelly making day and I will be working on tackling my plan for the chicken.
I have to clean the fridge that Hubs managed to get free yesterday, I knew if we were patient the right one would come along. I finally have my cheese cave! After I clean it good today and we move it downstairs, I can start planning my cheese making journey. I have been stalling until I felt better prepared, and who knows I might be a bit apprehensive about trying something new, the excuses for stalling are running out.
In between all of that there is laundry to wash, a bull to finish (decided that has to happen while puppies nap, as they are far too interested in the yarn), I might even find time for a long walk with the babies if it warms up and doesn't rain.
We are under a frost warning for the next almost 24 hours. I would really like it if Mother nature would tell winter it is time to move along. I am over it. Had to bring my herbs inside again as opposed to putting them in their bigger pots, so frustrating. I ran across a picture of me and my grand daughter the other day, we were wearing capri leggings and tank tops because it was so warm. That is not the story this year, for sure.
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| From this weekend, but I LOVE this pic of him |
I saw a quote that often pops up this morning, "the older I get the more comfortable I am not fitting in with society". It's been around for years in different forms and verbiage, but truthfully, the older I get the more it resonates with me. I love marching to my own drummer, the band playing in my head doesn't fit modern society for the most part. For the longest time, I felt weird and out of touch with reality. Now I understand that my reality is perfect for me. I'm a bit old fashioned. I'm definitely odd in my hobbies and the things that fill me with joy. Truth is... I no longer care what others think or feel about my life choices. It's so liberating. I don't begrudge other's the things that bring them joy and happiness, even when it isn't something that fills my soul. We're all here to live our own journey and experience what we chose.
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| nap time |
The babies have worn themselves out and are crashed on the sofa, I guess it's time for me to get busy doing me things... I hope all of you have a blessed day and that your journey is bringing you immense fulfillment.
love and peace...
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