move forward...

I want to write today.  There is so much bubbling in my heart and mind.  But I am struggling.  There is too much going on around me, I feel I overwhelmed with the pain and suffering of others all around me.  I feel like offering prayers alone is simply too little of a gift to give. 

I don't know how to move forward, I don't want to stay still. 

Got news early this morning that has my heart in a twist.  Prayers are being sent.  It's all I can do.  I am now waiting for more news on that front. Sending healing energy and hope in that direction. 

My great nephew seems to be holding his own.  He came through yesterday well, but needs to be sedated while next steps are planned out and information is not to be had at this time.  Because right now, they simply don't have any to share. Again more prayers, healing energy and hope.

I was starting to feel semi better emotionally.  Sitting drinking coffee, enjoying the rain that has steadily been falling, getting a text to spend a bit of time with my girl the world was feeling normal -ish.  I mean what is normal anymore? When I get a call that another friend has passed away, another bright light and bubbly person gone from this realm. 

I am actually emotionally exhausted from it all.  I am holding space for so many and I feel my own bucket leaking as I struggle to keep it all together. 

Yesterday after I ranted (sorry... nope not sorry) I decided I was going to knuckle down and do some of the tasks I'd planned for myself.  Tired or not, I was gonna make progress. I did, sort of. 

My house was filled with the wonderful scent of lavender, as I made the lavender "tea" for the dog shampoo that I have been wanting to make for the babies. I was pretty thrilled to end up with seven bottles of shampoo for them.  I fixed lunch for a friend and cleaned the house, getting item after item off my to do list.  It felt good to make myself busy, to move things forward. 

The weather warmed we went for a long walk with the pups and ate our dinner on the deck in the waning sunshine.  It was marvelous.  This morning we walked the pups in between rain showers, the earth has the most heavenly smell after the rain.  Who knew that things would be so unstable, so uneasy and so stressful just an hour later. 

I was blessed with a face to face call with my youngest this afternoon.  It made the day lighter for a while.  It filled my heart to bursting!  It's been a long moment since I've seen him dressed in his suit and tie (he's a handsome bugger) and it hit me hard that he looks so grown. He's always been that guy that forever looks 12.  He no longer looks 12, he looks like a grown man.  He shared a bit of his life with me for almost 30 minutes he was near, it was absolutely wonderful.  As I lingered over those cherished moments the world didn't feel so rocky, so tattered.  He had to get on with his day and I slid back into mine.  

I've stayed busy.  All day.  It hasn't made any of it calming or easier.  Focusing has been difficult. Forward has been hard. As I wait for news I will head out to an activity with my girls tonight.  Plants and Paint, sounds like a great distraction. Or at least a slightly consuming one for a bit. I don't really expect any news until 7 or later so a bit of playtime couldn't hurt. 

If you have any prayers you could spare, any healing energy to send out to wherever it is needed... the need is great in the world today, at least in my bubble it is.  I'm going to share whatever I have left with those in need.

love and peace dear ones...