As I was struggling to process that text message, my old boss - the one I adored working for - called me. He wanted to make sure that someone shared the news with me. It was so painfully real in that moment. There was no longer any doubt in my mind about misunderstandings or anything of the sort.
A great human had left this earth.
I sat in stunned silence for quite awhile. A million things ran through my mind, thoughts, feelings, memories and prayers all trying to overwhelm me at once. The part that resonated the loudest was that the world had lost an absolutely amazing, loving, kind, caring human. Someone that was genuinely humble and unselfish. I haven't seen him in almost a year, I still remember chatting with him and making plans that never came to fruition because I moved on from my career. I remember his gentle ways, how he held people up as the greatest prize on the planet. He selflessly worked for the good of others.
I could go on for hours about the things that I admired about him. I know I am not alone in any of those thoughts or ideals. I also think he's probably on the other side of the veil shaking his head in that way he had and telling everyone to simply stop. He wasn't about being praised. He was about being a role model. At least that is the man I knew.
He wasn't afraid to have the hard conversations, he didn't shy away from calling out so much of the bull that is passed around these days. More than once I heard him reflecting on the current state in so many large urban cities and saying folks just weren't looking at things right.
He was unique.
He adored Hubs... Actually one of my favorite lines from him was always "how's Dubs?" He always had a ton of stories about things with "Dub", conversations they had or pranks that he was sure Hubs had instigated - regardless of how many times I told him that he hadn't.
As I am reflecting on him and wishing him a well earned rest, I am also thinking about his passion for helping his fellow man. Didn't matter if you were rich or poor, your skin color was inconsequential, religion, gender, all of it was meaningless. I never once saw him react in anything but a kind and loving manner to all. He truly cared. Even when he'd encountered a situation that truly should and could have enraged him and given him right to feel hatred, he chose to be the bigger man. To look at the situation through eyes of compassion. He was angry, he was hurt and he was completely disrespected, but he didn't approach it from there, he handled in inside his heart and moved forward with more determination than ever to spread love, peace, joy and compassion.
I will forever be grateful that I had the opportunity to know such a precious soul, to experience all that he was and to know there is pure goodness in this world.
I started to work on a project that was mindless, I needed the time to process my feelings, my thoughts and smile through tears at my memories. Scrubbing and scrapping glue from the box it had been on for over 70 years helped. It wasn't perfect, but it was distraction.
Today is a new day. I've read a few of the memories folks have shared. I've processed. I've shed a few tears and applied an emotional salve to my heart. Eventually we will receive the news of his memorial service, eventually Hubs and I will pay our respects. That will be the day it is truly real, that will be a moment of celebration for a life truly well and unselfishly lived, that is the day that will be the hardest because that will be the day it becomes truly real.
For now, I think I will take the lessons I learned from him and work hard at putting them into practice every day. Focus on loving your fellow man, to putting yourself in their shoes and when you see something that can help alleviate their challenges, do it. Don't let the media or other people tell you what is needed, experience and see it with your own eyes and then be the change.
love and peace...
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