It is definitely how I am feeling right now. It's a strong combination of move it on and let it go! I'm ready to start this phase of my life. A few things are holding me up right now. This stupid yard sale for one. Have I mentioned that I hate yard sales? I am totally that person that will box it all up and donate it to the nearest charity. In fact anything that is left after the yard sale, is heading to a charity. If the subdivision doesn't provide a service, the truck will be hauling it all to St. Vincent de Paul thrift store, it's closer than Savers. But I am good with either. I don't give to Goodwill, too much goes to pay their CEO. I am done with it. It all needs to move on.
I want my house clean again, not piles of random items that we have held on to for far too long. I didn't realize there was so much stuff hidden. I mean seriously? And truthfully when I walked into the one storage room in the basement, I almost ran out in fear. I am NOT tackling that one right now. It is stacked with boxes that never got unpacked when we moved. My feelings right now... it's been six years, what's another one?
I'm seriously over it. I've been cleaning the dust off unused stuff, washing clothes and linens that are leaving one way or another. I've been up and down stairs to the point that I had to take back my statement yesterday that my knees are feeling a bit better. Um... that was a lie.
The other challenge for me right now isn't really a challenge, so much as a mental one. My sewing machine is in the shop. It's needed a tune up forever, I think the last time it was even serviced was almost 18 years ago. Mind you, I have no projects ready to actually sew. And I should take this time of having a completely clear sewing table to cut out a few. But honestly, I walk in and see the empty space and feel a minor panic attack start to happen.
Lets also be clear - it isn't my only machine. In fact, I have two beautiful ones within 10 feet of me as I type this. I will admit I can't use the 1926 treadle, I am sadly unable to work it. Yet I can spin with a treadle spinning wheel - yep let that sink in too. I know I am a special kind of crazy, it is what it is. The 1946 is literally in arms reach, as in my coffee is sitting on it right now. It works beautifully, Hubs and I refinished the stand and I tuned it up myself. So why the stress? I don't know. It is because they are old, nope, not a sufficient reason, given that my Juki is downstairs and can easily be removed from the quilting frame if I truly needed to use it. I think it is simply a mental excuse.
Most of my projects right now, require handwork before I start machine work. I think I am simply afraid.
What if I fail? What if I can't live up to my sweet Hubs' belief in me?
I spent yesterday in a tailspin of those feelings. I prayed, I meditated, I sat in silence with my feelings. I wrote long pages worth of thoughts on the topic in my personal journal, I sat and listened to the birds and I prayed and meditated some more.
Today, well today I am strong.
I had agreed to watch the dragon today so her mom could go do a job. Couple of reasons, mom needs a break and for the first time in dragon's life gramma can say I will be there! It filled my heart with joy. I'd even packed my bag to spend the day with her.
I woke up to a message from my girl, she is staying with dragon today. Our sweet little dragon has been under the weather since Sunday and now she has a horrible cough and congestion. I will still go over with a moment's notice if she changes her mind. I am worried, but know she is in capable loving arms. My girl is an incredible mom! Honestly, I'm more worried about her than dragon. You can only run on empty for so long...
I guess the universe was giving me a message. Put on your big girl pants, stop fussing about all the stuff you don't want to do. And DO it! I guess I am like most humans, when something seems to big, I get overwhelmed and push it aside.
I want the stuff gone, I want the space and organization that I have longed for. I hate clutter for the sake of clutter. I read a quote this morning regarding getting rid of stuff, that after you dealt with it, it was gone and done. If you don't you deal with it daily. WOW, yep that is how I've felt. Tripping over piles, waiting for tomorrow to come so I could officially deal with it all.
I am so working on clarity. Tomorrow finishes a chapter in this book called life. Tomorrow I will be a bit closer to less clutter, more freedom.
Sunday... simply starts the new beginning.
Good one! 381+
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