early morning mumbles...

Sleep is starting to evade me.

I've been up for almost two hours now.

I've already taken the boys for their morning walk.  At least I think that is what we are still calling it.  They are both starting to show their advanced age and what used to be a 15 minute adventure of being dragged, is now a very leisurely stroll of about 30 or more minutes that involves a great deal more time standing still while they slowly meander along.  The big guys allergies are wearing on him, that and the fact that he is 10.5 years old.  Pretty advanced age for a Shepherd/Rottweiler mix.  The little guy, he's still trucking along at 16, (although that is pretty advanced for his breed mix of basset/pit) and there are days that I am pretty sure he is actually moving in reverse, at least until the last sprint when the leash comes off.  Then he's greased lightening. Although, I've noticed that our race has more breaks in it than it used to.


I worry that their time with me is drawing down.  And I find myself listening for their snores at night, more than sleeping.  For years Hubs has said that he hopes when they cross the Rainbow Bridge that they are sleeping safely in mommy's arms.  While I can understand that thought, as said "mommy"... I don't want to wake up to one of my boys gone in my arms. My heart would shatter!

So once my sleep get's disturbed and I start counting snores, well that's the end of it.  Because then my to do list breaks into my mind and simply there is no sleep from that moment on.



We are crazy close to opening our new branch.  It is an intense and overly busy time.  There are tough decisions to be made and so many things that are having to be sort of started from scratch.  New staff to either be hired or current staff to be retrained.  A 91 year old building full of "stuff" that needs to be sorted and planned for. A new one that needs to be monitored and filled.  I've measured offices and work spaces. Looked at more paint colors than my brain can process at this point.  I woke up this morning with visions of YMCA medium green versus YMCA light green and hearing the voices in my head arguing their different points.  For the record, I am not a fan of the light green.  Actually of any of the light colors.  I gravitate to the medium's, but dark's are where my heart is. Because at 3:30 am that is the conversation rattling in my head.





At random times I find myself making mental notes to order toilet paper dispensers and debating with myself over where I want to install paper towel dispensers. Evaluating the needs of the new facility with what remains in the current one, how many trash cans do I really need to purchase?

Don't even get me started on all that I have learned about fitness equipment, loading docks and installation processes! Although, I am incredibly excited to see and experience all of the new "toys" that will fill our space.

It is such a different kind of experience.  Such a big change.  It's exciting and it's terrifying all in the same breath.

I am thankful to Hubs for starting me on my own personal fitness journey almost 10 months ago.  It helps me understand so much more of what I am dealing with.  Most of the people that come to us are "Health Seekers", they are searching for the path.  Maybe they are still in denial, maybe they are still trying to rationalize it all in their own heads.  I feel so much better prepared to help them, to take their hands and say walk with me, I'm on the same journey.

A year ago, a comment was made that offended me to my core.  I still hear it in my head.  It wasn't meant maliciously, it was said carelessly and could have been worded better.  The young woman that said it is no longer part of our organization, and it's probably for the best, in a nut shell she was a super fit, young, single person and she could not understand the sheer laziness and lack of will power of anyone that could allow themselves to get "fat". She didn't have the depth and context of working long hours, finding little time for yourself, getting caught up in the day to day life far too many live, raising children, taking care of other family members and all of the things that lead to that slippery slope.

I hated that she'd callously said that.  I am sure there is a better way to encourage.  I have always been that person that has to make the journey to be able to fully understand the path.


I was that "fat" person.  I am still that "chubby" person.  I have a way to go on my journey.  I have found my path to my destination meanders a LOT! And that sometimes I lose track of where I am going.  Thankfully, I haven't reversed directions, but moving forward with everything else going on has been a challenge.


Working with "The Beast" 4/26/17 
I am so enjoying working with the Beast.  She might be the ying to my yang. She pushes me just hard enough that I don't really love her for a few minutes, but not hard enough that I hate her for days. She makes me work for it, and I love her wicked laugh as I am not so silently cursing her.

Me and my "B's"! Yep the Beast is in there!
It's not a pretty sight combining my personal and professional hopes, dreams and goals. The marriage has been messy.  It's so rewarding for all of the bits and pieces to finally feel like I have the right puzzle.  It's not the toddler version that I had all the wrong parts to, but I wasn't really expecting the 5000 piece one without a picture.

I was searching through old photo's today.  Looking for just the right one of Hubs, I need it for a special occasion. As I searched it was like pulling a scab off a festering wound.  The pictures I saw of me, that I allowed to be posted... wow... It's been an eye opening morning to say the least.

September 2013










April 25, 2017
So the lack of sleep is probably just my mind working over time.  Thinking through all of the bits and pieces and figuring out how to sort it out.  My old boys are just that, old... and eventually the Rainbow Bridge will call them to run like puppies again, but for now they are snoozing in the sitting room, safe and dry away from the rain.  I will manage to open and close the buildings.  Our golf tournament will happen.

And I will continue on my journey to me. Thankful all the way for the people that I hold most dear!

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