Tuesday, April 29, 2014

the ebb and flow...

Sunrise through the trees
The hum of electricity is omnipresent.  Waking up this morning was such a stark contrast to yesterday.  Yesterday the silence was deafening.  I am fairly sure that is what woke me up.  So rarely in today's world do we truly enjoy and savor absolute silence.

The rhythmic click of the ceiling fan, slightly off balance from years of being knocked by an extended arm while getting dressed or changing sheets.  The hum, it's everywhere, the walls radiate with it.  It almost pulses, like a heart beat.

You don't notice it until it isn't there.  Then when it returns it seems obscene in the loudness of it. The coffee pot coming to life, the alarm as it starts for the day.  The pump on the aquarium.  All of it contributes to the daily rhythm and grind.

Because it was quiet yesterday, it is all more noticeable now. Life is like that too.

Hubby and I have a rhythm, a set way that things happen in our lives.  It's been just us basically for a lot of years now.  Kids flit in and out, as they go along with their lives.  A short or long visit, but just a visit all the same.

My princess... what is with the guy photo bombing?
Grand baby... what a thrill seeker...
We were blessed with company last week.  Two cousins came to town.  It changed the rhythm. Not in a bad way at all, but enough to make the silence of the two of us more noticeable when they left. Just like when the kids leave again.

Old and young... cousins just the same
Cousins
Proud Daddy getting ready to go cheer for his girl!
It was wonderful to get to know family that I hadn't previously met.  At first it was a bit awkward, like I said we'd never met.  But as family is wont to do we started visiting, putting the small pieces of commonality together until a big picture game together.  Just like a puzzle.

Prepping for Sushi
Crusin' Cousins... her first ride
Even though we had never met, even though there was apprehension on both sides, it was delightful.  My young cousin was so much fun.  We laughed over the fact that I kept struggling with what to call hubby around her.  It is rare that we are ever around any family that does not refer to him as Uncle or Grampa, simply based on his age if nothing else.  There was a fifty year age difference between those cousins, yet they bonded over the Harley.

Her Dad and I discovered a mutual enjoyment of music.  Having spent so much time in Europe, I love music with a medieval basis.  The beauty of the music with the haunting tones simply calms me.  Usually it is limited to Blackmore's Night, which is timeless and haunting, it calms my spirit and centers me.  I only have three cd's, but I cherish them.  Especially as I had the opportunity several times to see them perform live in various castles in Germany.  My cousin also likes that type of music and put together some wonderful new collections for me to enjoy.

Can't let a great photo op go to waste
After several days, with so much crammed into them that we could barely catch our breath. Hubby and I working, the cousins at the Robotics competition, the girls prom, grandson going to prom also. Conversations until late in the night, early mornings to work.  It was a crazy busy week.  And Sunday it simply stopped.

The twins... 

Grandson #1 growing up...
The silence is still noticeable.   Hubby and I are back into our rhythmic routine, the morning dawns quietly, the steady hum of the house is slowly over run by the sound of puppy nails on the tile floor, the coffee pot brewing, NPR on the radio (we've discovered the soft tones are easiest to wake up to - monotone and non-jarring).  The soft clink of coffee cups on the counter, the sounds of stretching and waking up.

A '51 model and a '52 model... I think my '52 is in better shape
That will gradually be replaced by the sound of television (hubby is addicted) and conversation and we get ready to start the day.  The rhythm will hiccup again tonight when the twins come over, but the hiccups are never for long and we slide right back into accepting what we know.

I am glad that we are comfortable together, that our life has a rhythm and flow.  In my far past I had wondered what the future without the kids always there would be like, how I would handle the constant quiet.  At that point in life, it seemed bleak and empty, like the silence of yesterday.  It seemed uncomfortable.  I was in the wrong relationship, the wrong place and time.


I know now, that this is the life I am meant to be in.  This is the steady hum and pulse.  This is the way it should be....