Sunday, April 20, 2014


Hubby's shot of the morning moon
I guess when you lay out your thoughts and really get into the nuts and bolts of things it truly does help you see things far more clearly.  After I wrote yesterday morning, Hubby and I went to run some errands, it was just a typical Saturday for us.

In fact I was a bit aggravated because I had so much to do.  I simply didn't have time for more errands.  It felt like a few more bits of me were being gobbled up.  I was still stuck, maybe the ice hadn't melted.

Maybe the spring thaw that I was praying for was just an imaginary thing... Go to car... pout... yep that was how I was feeling.  Hubby, being Hubby, seemed to just ignore my mood.  I am not sure how or why he does that, but he does. And yes it usually makes me grouchier. Yesterday, it didn't. As we sat having breakfast we had the chance to talk. I guess his acceptance of my lousy mood without it dampening his great one, on top of examining where I am mentally yesterday allowed me to really open up and and talk to Hubby.  It felt good that he listened to where I was and what I was feeling.  Instead of being judgmental, he was supportive.

Bring on Spring
There are a few things lately that are really bothering me.  One of them is my own fault because I am the one that gives everyone the ability to do it.  I allow people to use me.  I hate to tell anyone "no". Do I know better for me?  Sure... Will it make Hubby smile?  Okay... Will it be good for someone else?  Absolutely... Will it wear down my finite amount of energy? most likely... Will it stop me from doing things I really want to do?  Most definitely... Will I do it anyway? Yep...

Talking about it with him, helped me feel more in control. It gave me deeper insight into the why's of some of the things I do.  I don't say no, because at my very core, I am a helper.  I love to help, I love to support, I love to simply be there.  It doesn't matter if you are family, friend or foe (although I really struggle when you are the latter), if you need me you can count on me.  That is simply how I am made.

His understanding, albeit at times grudgingly, made it easier to look at myself in the mirror.  I won't say that we solved all my dysfunctions over chicken biscuits and yogurt, but we got my world a little less wonky.
I thrive in Spring...

By the time we had reached the store to exchange his birthday presents from the youngest two, I wasn't begrudging the time. Oh I knew I would need to make it up somewhere, I just didn't know where. Sharing a soda and popcorn on our way home, it was easy to enjoy the morning and the early spring.

Then Hubby did the most amazing and annoying thing!

I am sure he could see the fire in my eyes... we were almost home, I had so much to do, I was still working on unsewing that quilt, I needed to get it finished.  We'd been out and about for hours.. what was he thinking?

What was he thinking?  He was thinking that his wife loves to take pictures off the back of the motorcycle and for her blog.  He was thinking she hadn't had a decent camera in years (he'd accidentally broken her last one years ago, going for a great shot).  He was also thinking that the cheapscape that he was married to was never, and I do mean never, going to spend the money on a new one.  Even though she loves taking pictures and saving moments, it was simply not going to happen.

Yeah, he knows me far too well.  Seems Creve Coeur Camera was having an amazing sale and he was determined that I was going to have a new camera.  He made sure they let me try so many of them, feel them, take pictures with them, play... I have never had an amazing camera... again, I am simply too cheap.  I hate to spend money.  Besides, I can take reasonable ones with my phone. There are just colors that I've learned to live without.

They were completely dead when we got there, three folks standing around, looking bored, looking for all the world like they were longing to be out in the sunshine with everyone else.  I could feel their pain.  I wanted to be home forcing myself to do some work, needed to.

Crack!  That was the sound, the feeling, the sensation!  Hubby has that affect on me.  He was the one that was able to save me all those years ago.  That infectious smile, that look of determination in his eyes... Oh yeah, I was sunk.

Two hours later, he'd bought me the most amazing camera... I played a bit yesterday, it took so much self control, but I also found it in me to start working on the stuff I needed to do, with joy in my heart also.

Small, but powerful... It's Neeko tipping time!
Gator telling Neeko to bring his best game...
You want some of this?
Bored with brother... taking on Dad
I'm pooped... leave me alone!
Swing time with Dad, don't let brother see me!
While I played, Hubby worked on the yard, one less worry on my plate...
Beautiful fire...
My red buds are starting to bloom...
I am still working on that quilt, it's the reason that I got up so early this morning.  In a few hours though... I am climbing on the back of that beautiful blue Harley and I am going to go for a beautiful Easter morning ride.  I am going to savor the joy this day brings and remember that I need to stop being so busy doing stuff that doesn't bring me joy, and focus on the joys... We will head out to the campsite, take the girl her Easter Morning coffee, maybe donuts for the kids... I will get the quilt done... around the other things in life...

Um... Dad were you coming in?  Treats are ready... I smell them!