I've learned over the course of my life that the things causing the chaotic feelings are rarely the root of things. More than likely, they are nudges from God to move your distractions away and focus you where you need to be focused. Just like the messages that you hear in services and Bible studies. It can't be just me that sits there stunned trying to figure out how my pastor knew exactly what I needed to hear, is it?
Between losing internet for over 24 hours. Add to that trying to connect with actual humans at large companies to resolve issues. And the distractions and chaos of every day life... well darn it... Satan was on a roll the first part of this week.
Side note: Why was the loss of internet connection a struggle? When did we hit the wall that something so trivial and first world problem, became something that could set us off balance? Yep, still pondering that question and I am definitely open for thoughts to consider. Who knew that modems should be replaced a bit more frequently than 9 years? After spending several days reconnecting everything we still have to get the Orbi to communicate. It's just not that important at this moment.
I think I needed Bible study far more than I realized last night. The message felt like it was directed straight at me like an arrow. A realization that things are rarely how we tend to narrow our focus. Stepping back over the past few days has definitely helped. It's sharpened the picture, smoothed out the jagged edges and reset me.
None of us are perfect. We don't have a birthright to perfection based on our bloodlines, our knowledge, or history. As we dig deeper and deeper into John, the more I realize that until we give up who we were and accept the path being offered we are still those lost sheep. The beauty of it all, the perfection and grace is that once we repent, once we are willing to truly own that we are all damaged on some level and we make the decision to walk with Jesus, for eternity we are his children. Our bloodlines, our mistakes, decisions, choices, things that we came into life with all of it, falls away. We will all make mistakes, we will all stumble, we will fall we will question. We are human. As long as we repent (genuinely) and without guile or deception in our hearts, Jesus will always be our savior. Our path back home.
As pastor spoke about the beauty of being born again, I found myself drifting a bit. Not in a bad way, I was very aware of the conversation swirling around me, but I found myself focused on a very narrow spot in the midst of it all. The one that only love can provide. Jesus.
I'm still thinking it all through. It was a powerful gathering that deserves deeper thought and a more focused reading.
What I do know, is that this crazy, upside down, chaotic week feels calm, normal and balanced, fresh and pure at this point.
I opened the computer downstairs to deal with the printer issues for Hubs, my Facebook Memories popped up. A year ago I wrote a blog, the book was reminding me. Or at least it thought it was. Frankly, I feel like it was God, pulling my attention in the direction it needs to go.
Call it synchronicity, fate, chance or whatever you would like. I feel it is God, getting my attention. Dropping hints to see if I am ready to see his hand guiding me. A year ago, I wrote about "waste not, want not". Just as I did on Monday. Little bits and pieces of dreams that have gone unaddressed for a life time, the answers to some questions, the path to explore to others.
I am still putting it all together. I am typing out the map and plan. I am working on gathering the information, the materials, basically everything. I'm not completely ready to lay all of it out for others, but I am definitely getting there. I must be on a path I need to follow, why else would crazy things start popping up like they have been?
June was crazy dry. Rain was sparse and rapid when it arrived. July has been different. It's been raging and chaotic, cleansing. The storms are doing damage, tearing things down and I could choose to only focus on destruction, but that isn't what I am being drawn to do. I'm being drawn to look at the foundation. Even when one builds their life on a solid rock, all of us occasionally use shoddy materials to cut corners. Sometimes, I think we need those storms to push the garbage aside so that we can focus on building the right way.
Okay... this chaotic, cryptic woman needs to get with it. It's been a busy morning catching up and I have a lot of things that I want to finish so that I can get moving ahead.
Ironically, there is so much good coming. Can't have those roses without some rain and a whole lot of thorns... right?
Good one! 381+
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