There was a time that I didn't or couldn't stop the "grind" unless I wanted to be so far behind I couldn't catch up. As a result I was a grumpy person that was dying inside. I missed so many things. I missed so much joy and one time things. I was afraid to step away, I was afraid to move into that person that was creating the life they want.
Fast forward to today, I am in such a different place. I realized that I am no longer running away from my life, I finally have what I always wanted and needed in my life. Yet as things like that continue to appear, I feel that it is still a crazy important message for many. I am definitely creating a life that I fills me with peace.
There are a couple of folks in my life that I see my old self in. My heart hurts, I want to wave a magic wand and take away the stress and the non-stop grind. I can't. No one can, just like no one could have for me. It's a journey that I believe we all have to take for ourselves, when we are ready to move forward and take those steps.
Just like that book couldn't magically give me back my weekends, which at the time were not filled with fun and relaxation. Back then those two days that should have allowed me to hope and dream were filled with rushing around and doing all the stuff I needed to cram in to be ready for the insanity of the week ahead. If they weren't spent squeezing in more work.
When I talk to both of them now, I am so happy to hear the joy in their voices about the good things that are squeezing into the few cracks of time in their work-a-day-world. They are both working on small gardens, planting seeds and spending a bit of time nurturing their growth. One has even added a few chickens into the mix. I don't know if they can hear it in their own voices, but I can. There is a calmness to be found in those moments.
I used to long for balance. I was certain that was the magical key that I was somehow missing. Now, I wonder if it had more to do with the fact that I wasn't following my passions. I was chasing the money that I was sure was going to make everything better. Only to now realize that having disposable income is great, but not if all you are doing with it is buying stuff to fill bigger voids within yourself.
Hubs is still away on his work retreat, he's in one of the most beautiful places, where it is easy to unplug and relax. I'm happy for him. I hope he is actually doing that. I know he's gotten some fishing in and based on the text I woke up to from somewhere around midnight, I know he's enjoying some back deck sitting and sipping. I'm glad that he was enjoying himself so much that he forgot to call or text me good night. I would be more worried and upset if he had, because that would have been a red flag that it was not a good evening.
I'm sure when he gets home tonight he will be ready to go to bed at 730 pm, he never stays up late and two nights in a row? He will be tired. I get it. Although I might start pushing for him to stay up later with me in the evening.
Down at Trout Lodge you are forced to talk and socialize, the is only one television for the entire lodge. The ability to lose oneself in the mindlessness of a television show or movie for hours isn't really an option. But who needs it when you have the ability to fish, hike, bike, do a dozen outdoor activities, spend time with friends and just exist?
Of course it's quiet here, but not a bad quiet. I think he needs to do things like this a bit more, I think the fishing and socializing with friends is filling his soul in a good way. I have been busy tending to mine. I find connecting to nature is so good for all of us. In whatever way fills you up. I have loved ones that walk in parks for hours, enjoying the beauty and absorbing all of the goodness surrounding them. Other's hike, some do yoga, some boat, float, kayak, some are farming the land. I find the more time I can spend outside with my fingers in the dirt the richer and more fulfilling life feels.
Another friend shared a meme that got my mind to twirling in circles. A bunch of kids outside at dusk on their bikes and scooters. Talking about the great life we had, sad that we were the last ones to enjoy it. Ironically, yesterday on a social media platform someone asked where are all the kids? That you never see kids outside playing anymore. They don't gather in cul-de-sacs or hang out on their bikes in the neighborhoods. You really don't see much of it at all anymore.
Life has changed. I hope the pendulum swings back. I hope we become more grounded in the little things. I hope that people turn off their televisions, I would gladly get rid of most of ours - they steal so much away from you. I hope that people start reconnecting as humans. Not through electronics, not hiding behind keyboards. But human to human.
Well my mind has rambled enough, I need to go water the newly seeded grass and take care of a few leftover chores before starting on today's journey. I'm making my girls' family a lasagna dinner today, they love it and she's working hard, it's a surprise, shhh... she doesn't read my blog so I am safe.
Find some time that really fills your soul, in whatever way it needs to be filled. Soak up some sunshine, walk in the fresh air, work in a garden, spend time with family and friends. And forget the negative, petty crap that is being thrown around like confetti. Simply say a prayer or send some positive energy their way and keep on keeping on...
love and peace...
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