master of my fate...

 Yesterday was perfect.  It was just a day, but boy did we get some stuff accomplished.  Last night as I was ironing before going to bed (wanted to start the week with a clean-ish slate) I was reflecting on the day and the weekend, on life in general. 

My girl got me a simple bracelet, similar to one she got herself. It reads "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul".  Those words really resonated with me.  For too long that was a pipe dream, a fantasy that I longed for, or so it seemed.  It felt like my journey was being orchestrated by others and forces out of my control. 

As I stood there in the silence (Hubs had gone to bed and the radio station he was listening to had timed out) pressing the wrinkles out of the stack of work clothes for Hubs I was thinking. I kept playing those words over in my mind and thinking about their power and impact in my life. 

When my world changed last year it was powerful and dramatic.  It was painful on a level.  And liberating and joyous on another. A full year and a couple of weeks later it was simply the rebirth of me. To the second half of my life.  I was finally taking the steps that I longed to take, the journey to being my own master and captain.  It feels so good.  It is fulfilling on a level that hitting benchmarks set by other people cannot even compare to. 

Hubs and I had a busy weekend.  Very busy. Yet as we sat out on the deck last night and looked around it was with a sense of accomplishment and pride. We had done what needed to be done with our own two hands and our own skill set.  It isn't finished, not by a long shot, but we have made great progress.  As much as I didn't want to have to work in the heat this week to finish the outside chores, I am going to have to do a bit of it. It's okay.  I'm going to plan it as part of my early morning routine and get it done before the heat breaks through. 

Speaking with my sister last night, she was sharing about the chicken coop they'd finished and the garden her sweet Hubs created for her in the big field/yard that they have.  How they had repurposed some supplies that they had stashed around from other projects.  She shared pictures of her plantings and we talked about how bone weary tired we were.  Yet mostly we talked about the absolute sense of pure energy that doing all of that work for ourselves had created. 

It's different.  When you work until you are bone weary for yourself, for your own goals and purpose it is different.  It looks, feels, smells and tastes different. When you are creating the life and world that your soul desires, it's just different. 

It's not working and toiling for someone else's wants, needs and desires.  I wrote for years about my dissatisfaction with that way of life.  Of always longing to be more self-sufficient, to have more hours of my life to follow my own passions and dreams. To make my life what I wanted, instead of stuffing little bits and pieces into the corners to make it fit. 

Last night, I realized that while I might get tired sometimes, I am 100% living my life for me.  That I am able to do the things that fill my soul and give me a happiness and joy that I truly only dreamed of for a very long time. 

Do I wish that I was able to do this sooner, of course - who wouldn't, do I feel it came to me at the right time.  Yes!  

Today will be spent catching up on the things I didn't quite get finished this weekend.  We took some unscheduled breaks, went out for lunch at a place we just discovered - incredible Portuguese food, and then went and spent the day with the girl and her babies.  Her youngest son, I just realized he is not the youngest grandson any longer, cooked an amazing meal for all of us, he takes after his Dad in that aspect.  I felt like we were at a five star restaurant and watching him prepare her dinner and serve her filled my heart to over flowing! I spent about an hour later in the day talking to my boy and his girl.  They were out running errands in sunny southern Cali. 

I have finally reached the point in my life that I can take time to enjoy the good stuff.  And know that I will still have time to do the must do's.  It's pretty awesome! 

I love being my own master and captain.  I love exploring this new and wonderful world that is focused on the important stuff.  Sure I mourn the lost years, but I am not going to hold on to them or begrudge their existence.  They are what has helped shape the journey I am on now, you can't find your true path without taking a few winding roads. I learned so much during the first portion of my life, they are lessons that help me to navigate the beauty of now. 

Well, I've finally had a full cup of coffee, lots of puppy snuggles and I feel awake.  It's time to start doing the things.... 

love and peace...